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Your local social security office.

That’s what I got to do this morning for just over an hour.

After listening to the 63 other “reasons for your call”.

“If you are calling to report a change of address, press one.”

“If you are calling to report a change in your sex, press twenty-seven.”

“ If you are calling to report a change in your mood press…”

“To hear these options again press sixty-three. To return to the main menu… To speak to a live operator good luck.”

I chose the option closest to my issue: “If you are being mauled by rabid squirrels…"

“Please wait for the ‘next available operator’” (the kiss of death)(you better hope you didn't call during coffee break)

About an hour on hold and five minutes with a live human (if social security workers who answer the phones are human).

I put the odds that I resolved my issue (the reason I called) at ~50/50.

I’d rather have a botched root canal without novocaine by my new Obamacare dentist - Dr Mengele.

"Is it safe?"

LOL Just a little over the top. I've never had to wait more than 10 minutes. I've waited longer on the Dell line.

It depends on what day you call. Monday and Friday are the absolutely worst days to try and get through to almost any company, or the government.

You guys should try calling Verizon during a major network outage.

I went to a social security office in Phoenix with my sister's boyfriend, once. We sat for two hours for him to get a duplicate of his card he lost in Pennsylvania. During all of this we witnessed a fight between a security guard, and some guy who didn't want to go through the screening process to get in the room. Nothing says good times quite like someone getting full nelsoned.

Those guys even put you on hold when you are on their website

867-5309?

I remember the time the US Patent office called me. That's when you know you've arrived. You don't call the government. They call you.

That happened once to me, but it was the IRS LOL