Some days I wake up and believe I am truly fortunate.

When you come into the world so many things could be wrong. Your health can go a million ways. You could have been born anywhere. You could come into a million different circumstances. Your life can be taken away so easily.

Today I woke up and my one grandson turned eight years old. He was born in a bedroom of my house. I saw his fourteen year old brother take his first breath of life. And I live with both of them.

I had two kids a daughter and a son. My grand kids are my daughters children. My son recently married. I hope he has kids.

Because I live with my grandsons. They really are not different to me than their parents. Except I am older and retired. So I get to spend a lot of time with them.

I get to watch their wonder years which to me is one of the gifts of life.

Oliver is eight today. I am bias but damn he is strikingly good looking. We go everywhere together. People always remark about his "looks" and it has been that way for long time. Funny. Damn that kid puts a grin on face all the time.

Twice a week we go to a aquatic center to swim. I do my laps and then we play and I teach him a little about swimming. Mostly we just make up games and play. I love being eight again.

Lots of problems in the world. News can be ultra depressing. The Browns can suck. And the Braves or Indians can lose.

But me. I am a happy man.

You truly are fortunate; don't think or believe it, KNOW it. Those simple things that you very correctly are appreciating are things that will never be in some of our lives.

I, for one, will never experience any of this. It's just how things in my life unfolded, and it's one of my true regrets.

Enjoy

The older you get the more you reflect on life in general.

For me I have come to realize that there are moments in life the seem to crystallize. Times of great emotion both good and bad are what cement in our memories.

The good is when everything seems perfect. Like it can't get better. Maybe like Michael Jordan "feeling it."

Or, maybe when you see your kid experience some great achievement. Or, when you are sharing a moment with someone you love deeply.

Many people have lives filled with pain and sorrow. Poverty. Real poverty can crush people forever. War. Living in war. Nothing could be worse.

Bonnie Raitt once said in a song "life becomes more precious when you have less of it to waste."

So now as I age. I often think. Wow! What a life I have had. How truly fortunate I have been.

I never had the desire to be a dad but I often wished I could have skipped that part and just become a grandfather. All the joy with none of the hassle. It’s what I liked about being an uncle.

You are still young.


Nothing will take your soul like the birth of your child. You go from a selfish being. To selfless. A profound change.

As a grandfather it is feeling of completeness.

One of those moments I spoke of.

I certainly agree with you about grandchildren. While being a parent is rewarding, it's difficult. There is a balance one has to maintain between showing love and dealing with discipline. It's strictly your responsibility to teach them all of the lessons and functions they must face and deal with as adults. To teach them a balance between toughness and compassion. To instill the values of being a good human being. Those are tough shoes to fill and quite a balancing act.

The same is not true of your grandchildren. My grandchildren are grown now with the exception of one who is sixteen. While giving them advice as it seems proper, the fate of their adult life does not strictly fall on your shoulders. The balancing act you faced as a parent is now gone. It's a time of true enjoyment and reward in life.

I've enjoyed watching them grow into the wonderful people they have become. Each one their own individuals yet all of which have become splendid human beings.

I love little kids ..... as long as they're someone else's ...... and they go home.

I'm 48 and made the decision years ago to ‘snip snip’ alway the possibility. Best $50 copay ever. I no longer worry about ‘unintended consequences’. When I was in my early 20’s I helped my older sister raise her first child. It was a wake up call to me that having a child of my own wasn’t something I wanted for my life. I know there are things I’ve missed out on by not having children, but there’s other things I’ve done and learned that would likely have not happened if I did have them. It’s a balance either way. Looking around at the world today, and the crap fest that it’s become, has made me feel better about that choice. When I’m about to shed my mortal coil I’ll not have the worry about those I’ve left behind. I’ll barely be a footnote in my family tree. I can live with that. My art will be my legacy. In time that’ll be gone too. Meh. I’m not anything special. I’m just another spiritual being inhabiting a carbon shell to walk around in for a spell. There’s enough carbon shells on this planet without me adding to the mix.

Nobody has a legacy when it ends.

Everything gets lost in time.

I got married when I was 33. Before then I wondered. It was part of my plan.

My daughter and son and now grand kids have been a source of great joy to me. Would not trade it for any other thing that I know of.

"There is a road, no simple highway
Between the dawn and the dark of night
And if you go no one may follow
That path is for your steps alone"

You made a decision for yourself, and it was a good one for you. You've missed out on a lot, but not really, since you don't have kids you didn't miss out - if that makes sense.

The memories I have of my kids growing up is just awesome. I made a choice, as well.

Reading this thread reminded me (no, I don't have grandkids) of many things with my kids. I'll share just one, from 2 years ago: Volleyball. Tournament. Sooga was a Sr. Down 2 games to 0. 3rd game down 24-16. 1 more point for the other team, the season is done, for her, and all the seniors on the team it would be the last organized volleyball game ever.

Ball comes over the net, Sooga gets a good set. She goes up - and, with the season, and her career as well as that of the other sr's. on the line - she could have dinked it over. You know - be safe. But no. She didn't back down, at all. She attacked like a great white and literally SMASHED that ball. Into the net. Game, match, season, career.

I couldn't have been prouder of her effort - sure, wish it would've been a kill. But, she didn't back down.

We've discussed that play a few times since. Don't back down - give it your all, all the time.

My brother and sis in law are like you: They didn't want kids. It was their decision, and it worked/works for them.

Well that explains why you love me but always send me home

I just meet you in public so I don't have to deal with the whole sending you home part.

You're just as big a kid as I am.

My wife and I had three kids and would have had at least one more had her pregnancies not gotten more "serious medically".

We now have three grandkids, one of them a 13 year old step son. The other 2 are a 6 year old boy and 4 year old girl.

WE recently moved from NW Ohio to the Dayton area to be close to them. It has been a tremendous joy. The little ones have spent the night several times in the past 2 months. Their faces light up when they see us.

Retiring very early was an easy decision. Also enjoyed my kids but then again I am the baby of 9 kids myself so always had sibs around. I was taking care of babies when I was 13 so the work was not a problem.

Nice thread, bro.

It's one that evokes different emotions from me.

On one hand, I treasure what you have said about your grandchildren. I also think about my own mother. My dad passed away from cancer before my brother and I had children. He was just 56 years old. I consider it a great failure in my life to not give him grandchildren because he desperately wanted them. He was so great w/kids.

Then again, my daughter was born several months after my father's passing. My wife and I moved back to Ohio and my mom was instrumental in raising our daughter. Our daughter was a blessing to my mom. She loved her so much. It helped take her mind off of my dad. And believe me......she loved my dad so, so much. I have never seen a couple so much in love. But, my mom poured her heart and soul into our my daughter and then later...my son.

Likewise, I really want grandchildren. I love kids. I get along w/kids and dogs much better than I do w/adults. They both seem more honest to my way of thinking.

As you know, my son had testicular cancer. He tried that freezing thing right before his surgery. It did not work out. Later, he and his wife divorced because she was much too young to deal w/his cancer. Not blaming her. it is what it is.

My daughter is 34. Has no kids. She is getting married in May. She'll be 35. She never had kids because she was not married. I'm hoping they have kids because I really want to be a grandfather.

A lot of people on here don't like me, but my kids love me. They talk about all the life lessons I taught them. I know my students loved me. Same story. You take something so simple as holding a Preying Mantis on your fingertips and examining them or putting your kid up against a fence and allowing him/her to throw so that they learn to throw over the top. Or, you just look at the wonder that you and your wife have somehow created and you love it unconditionally.

I hope I get to enjoy grandchildren one day.

Was just told that if all goes well I'll be a grandfather early this coming spring. Exciting, worrisome, happy...I dont remember being this nervous when my wife carried our own kids! All those first born parenting concerns flooding back in x10 because it's your kids kid. Still early and hoping for the best.

I don't have any grandkids, my two are only 15. But I will say, being a father is the greatest joy of my life. Everybody has to make decisions based on what's best for them. I commend people that have kids, and people that choose not too. It's what you want in life.

The moment I realized it was for me was, we were in the hospital and I was kinda freaking out cause I had the little person that depends on my for everything in life. As I was freaking out, he reached up and grabbed my index finger, and I thought, this is the coolest thing.

My only advice is enjoy it, as I tell people, "The days are long, but the years are short." You blink, and the baby is 15 and taking driver's ed.

My father got to see my daughter. He passed the year my son was born. I wish they would have had the chance to know each other. That would have been a thrill for both. My mother lived till 96 so she had great grand children. That was a blessing for both my kids and theirs.


Parenting is not for all but it fit me like hand in glove. I love being around kids no matter the age. Infants or teens makes no difference. I loved coaching. However, I will say not all parents and their kids are perfect.

I had my kids and generation later I am raising two more. All so very different. My daughter is divorced. But they get along and do everything to make that as good as possible for the two boys. Because I live with my grandsons it is much different than being a remote grand parent. My role and relationship with them is the best. I am not to much involved with the "heavy lifting" of discipline more for advice and learning.

My son and his wife want kids but they are older and don't know if it will happen. I sure hope so.

Oliver the eight year old is riot. So outgoing. Will talk to anyone at any time. Does not have a shy bone in his body. He is like a extra arm. We do everything together. His brother Indy is fourteen and going through that stage. But when he was little it was the same.

They are a part of me. We share life. I could not ask for more. It gives me great peace of mind. I love being a part of their lives. It feels right like the natural way of things. The old pass on knowledge to the new.

Hang in there. Hopefully you will get your wish.

It will give you comfort as you age.

I’ll say the one thing I know I missed out in is being able to pass on skills and knowledge. I started an internship program at my art studio last year. We brought high school graduates, kids interested in careers in art, and did a summer internship in our studio. Teaching them how to use power tools and such. The first year was great. We had two really eager kids. They each did 60 hours of work for us. One continued on well past that. Both are always welcome in our studio now too. They helped with multiple projects. One is a permanent art installation in a local public park. They’ll be able to go to that park, eventually taking their kids there, and know they had a part in creating it. That’s a cool thing to be able to ‘give’ to someone. It was a great joy for me to mentor them. Sadly COVID shut down our summer 2020 internship. I hope we can open our doors to a new kid or two come 2021.

When you can impart knowledge to someone open to accepting it. It is meaningful for both.

I taught my son who is now 35 how to fly fish. He has become really good. But the thrill and enjoyment he has got from the sport will always be with him.

He was a very good baseball player. A serious pitching prospect. I coached him for ten years. Once in a tournament I called his pitches when he threw a no hitter. Total thrill for both of us.

So, take your art training and pass it on. Thanks again for all you do for others in your job.

When I see my dad with my son I always ask him, "Who are you!?"

You sound like my daughter. But I get even. When she talks to her kids I tell her she sounds like me talking to her when she was younger.

My daughter is a piece of work. The hardest worker I have ever seen in my life. When she is parenting it is like two generations of saying the same things the same way.

She got the Hope scholarship for college. Got her degree while being pregnant, going to school at night and holding down a full time job. Graduated with honors summa something. Then four years later did the same thing getting her MBA when the eight year old was born. Now 39 she holds a full time job and is enrolled in a exclusive Phd. program from University of Colorado that will take the next four years. She never does anything that is not a form of work.

I have never met someone who could work like that. My sister got a law degree at fifty while working full time at Cleveland Clinic as a head nurse. But she never married and work was her life.

My son and I work to go fishing.


I hope for balance in both their lives. He is a hard worker when it is time. But he is always looking to get that fly rod in his hands. He has the perfect job for his personality.

It all worked out. Both are good people. And they have become who they always were.

I am hopeful that the grand kids will do as well.

I will just suffice it to say that my daughter took the hard road to reaching her education. A lot of struggle to get there. But she is now a CPA for a huge heavy equipment corporation that treats her very well. They promoted her last year and they ended up hiring three people to take on all the duties she was performing at her previous position. She loves her job.

She has a great balance between work and family. Between work and leisure.

I worked for a man who was obsessed with work. It was his entire life. No time for pleasure, vacations or hobbies. I ran his company for many years. It got to the point that he was calling me all the time at home about business. Things that could have easily waited until the next day or Monday when his calls came on the week-ends. There were even a couple of times I was in the Muni Lot during tailgate parties when he would call.

I had to have a long conversation with him about it. I explained to him, and he knew, that I did the best job I could for him. We both agreed that he was very happy with me as an employee running his company. That I was dependable and honest. I then explained to him that in the end it all boiled down to this.

Some people live to work and some people work to live. I worked to live. That when my life comes to an end, hopefully I will have the chance to look back on my life fondly. Consider the memories of the things I did and time I spent with those I loved. And that once I am gone, those with whom I was close could do the same.

He was a good man, an honest man. Wow! I'm already using the past tense. He was my moms cousin but they were raised together by their grandparents as brother and sister. Both of their dads were in the military. We were very close my entire life. He was like an uncle to me. A very close uncle. Having gown up at the end of the depression, his generation tended to be focused more on never being broke again. Never having gone through the tribulations they witnessed as a child. I certainly understand that mind set.

He was a very successful man who gained a fairly good amount of wealth until he retired. Then, his wife contracted Alzheimer's. As time went on and her condition worsened, his money was all bled dry through medical bills. Things his insurance wouldn't cover or had heavy co-pays for. I watched everything he worked for being bled from him.

He is now dealing with lung cancer and has a very short time to live. I would never have the heart to ask him, yet I wonder if he looks back and wishes he would have taken more time to live and a little less time to work? Man, just typing this has put me in a funk. Everyone we love goes away in the end and I will miss him. I usually don't post things like this on the message board. And now I remember why.

Hey it's ok. Sometimes that stuff just needs to come out.

I did it once on here and it shocked me that I did. Because I had not spoke of it in fifty years.

Balance is important. Life is short. When you see that all you do is pay out to live and are left with nothing. Not good. Way more to life than material things.

I watch tv shows like "Life Below Zero and the Last Alaskans." They cover the lives of people who live a subsistence life style. Some indigenous people who hunt and gather. They appear to be happy even though the life is hard. They are free and love their lives. Lives are not about front lawns, cars, etc. working all the time to pay for what you have. They work together. They live together. They share life and all their experiences with their families. A good life. They love their land and are a part of that land. I have seen people like that first hand. Not for everyone but it is an alternative that has rewards.

I was close to going that way. But circumstances came up and I went another direction. It did teach me though that there is more to life than work and money.

Amen. My wife is one that wants "stuff" Always more.

I have several friends and relatives that have "stuff" - and it only makes them happy for a bit.

Now, several of those people have boatloads of money and can afford the stuff, and pay people to take care of the stuff. (lake house, boats, sea doos, lawn, landscaping, house cleaning. Etc.) But bottom line, they aren't 'happier'.

I’ve worked hard and spent wisely to put myself into a position to only have to work 32 hours a week. I’ve been a 32 hour employee for over 15 years now. I could afford to work less but if I go to fewer hours I lose my full time benefits of healthcare coverage and access to a 401k. I put away 27% of my income into my 401k, and invest another 4 to 6% in side accounts beyond my personal savings accounts. I’m on pace to pay my house off 10 years early... if not sooner if my art career keeps moving forward.
My buddies, many of them over extended and therefore constantly working overtime hours, use to ride me about it. Frankly I feel they were/are jealous. As we’ve gotten older they no longer give me a hard time about it. They just grind out their 60 hour weeks.
I still drive a newer car (2015). I live in a good hood in a small but nice house. I don’t want for much. I’m not a good capitalist spender type that has to constantly chase the new tech gadget or upgrading my car because I ‘have to have heated seats’ or other such nonsense. My ‘fun money’ is spent on travel... when we can actually travel... stupid COVID, I was planning on Vietnam this year.
Being a hospice nurse for all these years has taught me life is for living. Unless you’re lucky enough to work within your passion do what you can to give as little of your time to it as possible.
Spend your time doing what you love. Family. Travel. Cooking. Whatever.

Amen.

when I worked I made sure I went on one fishing trip a year. And took my then wife someplace she wanted.

I kept a busy schedule though. Especially when I coached. Damn looking back I don't how I did it. Up early. Got home from the park after dark in the summer. Got up did all again. Coaching was seven days a week. But I loved it.

As long as you feed you inner self and interests. Balance can be had. Work stress can be fatal early.

This is so true.

I got great advice from a boss one time. He told me managing my work life balance was my responsibility, not his. If I responded to an email on a Saturday, that was on me, not him, and it showed I was open for business. I took that to heart and have followed that advice for the last ten years. Guess what? Things really can wait until Monday.

I realized awhile ago that I work to live. I'm not incredibly passionate about what I do. I'm passionate about doing a good job, but I'm not passionate about the job. I am blessed and grateful that I make a really nice living and my wife can afford to be a stay at home mom. This worked out well for us having two kids at once, one with special needs. We have a nice house, nice cars, take vacations, and basically want for nothing. We are truly blessed.

I decided about three years ago, I was done climbing the corporate ladder. I don't want to do anything to upset my work life balance, and when you are not passionate about what you do, more work and stress tends to cause a lot of unhappiness. I don't want to be in that position. More money will not make me happier if I cannot maintain a work life balance that I am happy with.

I regret not pursuing a career that I am more passionate about. If I had to do it all over again, I would have moved to Cleveland after college and lived with my grandparents. They would have put me up for free. I would drive down to Berea every day until they gave me a job. I'd work for free. I'd fetch coffee, whatever. I would start at the bottom and attempt to work my way up with the ultimate goal of being a GM.

If I had pursued this path, I would likely be the GM of the Browns right now. We'd have multiple Super Bowl wins, and I'd have at least three GM of the year awards. You guys would spend hours on here talking about how Rishuz is the greatest GM in the history of the team, maybe the entire NFL.

So if anyone deserves blame for this moribund franchise, it's me. I apologize to everyone.

My advice to my kids is always going to be pursue your dreams. Do something that makes you happy. The money will come eventually or you'll always make enough as long as you are happy.

As to your first points: There's a reason I don't give out my cell number to customers: When I'm working, I can't schedule, AND, I don't want to be called at 9 at night, or 7 in the morning. Call my office.

Very few in life get to make good money at something they would do for free.

But if you can make enough money without all your time working and have enough time to pursue your passion: that works.

I was good in sales. It was technical expensive stuff. I didn't like it. But I made good money and had time to be a family man. Spend important time with my kids as they grew. And still find some time for my self interests.

Probably was not good enough to be a professional baseball player. Didn't have the discipline to be a musician. But I still enjoy both. Love being outdoors in true wilderness. Especially mountain rivers looking for trout. And I have done my share of that.

All things considered mission accomplished.

But nothing tops being Dad. And now Poppi. That has given me the most. Un-explainable to anyone that has not had that.

Regarding being a grandparent, I may enjoy it more because all 4 of my grandparents passed away before I could ever really know them.

My Dad's mom died of cancer about the end of WW2, 15 years before I was born. His dad passed away when I was 7.

My mothers parents died when I was 3 & 4.

Not knowing them makes me want to enhance the relationship I have with mine.

Wow. Sorry you never got the grandparent experience as a kid. I had my great grandmothers on both sides live until I was probably 5 or 6 years old. My grandparents on my fathers side lived well into my adult years... my grandmother just passed a few year back. I was maybe 40 years old or so. My mom’s mom passed about 7 or 8 years ago. I was very close to her.
I was blessed to have my grandparents around for much of my life.

All my grandparents were gone before I was born except one. My mothers father passed when I was about nine. Never knew him. We had moved from Cleveland to Harrisburg, Pa.

My kids did not know my father. Only my mother.

So I cherish my relationship with my grand kids. But really because I have live with them. That makes it different.

I am more like a extra father.

4 grandparents. Grandpa W died when he was 65. From a car accident. Grandpa B died in 2007 - at age 88, a life long diabetic.

Grandma W died at age 92 and 355 days.

Grandma B died in Feb, at age 97.

Fortunately, I have profoundly deep appreciation, and wonderful memories of each and everyone of them. Grandpa W died when I was a month away from 19.

My parents are 78 now. I was just over there today, again. Dad's planning a family vacation again, for next July.


I went to Africa with the W's. The B's and the W's started attending a camp in N. Michigan. I've been there almost every year. The B's, when my dad was young and things were tight, thought so much of travel, they would borrow money to go on vacation. (by the way, they lived frugally, and retired rather wealthy, as did the W's)

While vacations were a great memory, so was mowing the yard at the W's, and also at the great grand W's. At W, there were always chocolate chip cookies and lemonade when I was done. At the ggW, pretty much the same, but gg Diana played chinese checkers for as long as I had.

The B's, lived right by the ball park. Stopping after a practice, on bike of course..........and man, she had candy - only for the grand kids of course.

So many other memories. I hope to be a grandpa sometime.

Thanks for sharing bone ... enjoyed that

Hope to have some, some day. My daughter is 15, and she says she isn’t having kids, hope that changes.

15 and a long way to go.

My daughter's best friend swore she would never have kids. Was adamant about it. She married. Then divorced. Married again and bingo at 35 a baby.

So keep hope alive.

This is me.

And bonefish: great posts. I got a little emotional reading them.

Edit: not just bones’s posts, but others, too. Great thread to read, a reminder that even when people on DT start to bicker, we are still people who live, love, laugh and get kicked around by life now and then, at least a little.

Thanks for the compliment.

It is interesting to hear what others face in life.

What drives them. What passions they have. How they place their priorities.

Today for most our world's are upside down. We face a dangerous pandemic. Political chaos. Economic problems. Environmental disasters. As a country we are divided and polarized.

These are very stressful times.

However, underneath all that we are all the same. Just humans living on a planet going around a sun.

We are all subject to our emotions. Moved by our experiences. We are way more alike than different.