DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Palus Politicus Political Jokes

Hillary Clinton didn't take the loss to Trump very well.
So I said to her, Cheer up!
At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.

On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.” said his friend. “For your entire life you’re been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now?” “Because I’d rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.

Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.

Those were good.

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question.
“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”
“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”

Trump

That's not a joke. That's a tragedy and a comedy of errors, with a pathetically disgusting fascist twist.

“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts…..Will Rogers”

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

Why do we call it politics? Because poly means many and ticks mean blood-sucking parasites.

To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.

Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side.

A conservative is someone who admires radicals a century after they're dead.

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the church was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little talk at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited
“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss’s wife; had sex with his boss’s 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions, taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister in-law.

I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk: “I’ll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.”

wanna know what happens when you give a politician viagra?
He gets taller



What do you call a politician with a clear conscience?
An Alzheimer's patient.


What do sperm and politicians have in common?
About 1 in every 500 or 600 million have a chance at becoming human.

What do you get it you ask a politician to tell 'the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'?
3 different answers



A bunch of politicians were on a road trip...
....when their bus rolled over into a ditch. The top collapsed and killed a number of them, leaving the rest to die of their injuries. A farmer was the first on the scene and of course called 911 to report the accident.

About 30 minutes later, the local sheriff rolled up with an ambulance to find the farmer putting the last scoop of dirt on too of a massive hole. No bodies were to be found in the wreckage and the sheriff asked, "What the hell did you do?!"

The farmer wiped his brow and said, "They was dead so I sez to me, 'They deserves a proper burial they does,' so I digs them a grave."

The sheriff said, "There were no survivors? At all?"

The farmer coughs and spits, then says, "Well, one a dem said he's not dead but you knows how dem politicians lie."

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area last week were moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill:
"One Ukrainian soldier is better than ten Russian".
The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice once again calls out: "One Ukrainian is better than one hundred Russian."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again Silence.
The calm Ukrainian voice calls out again: "One Ukrainian is better than one thousand Russians.
The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill.
Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought...
Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men...it's a trap. There's two of them."

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.



A politician visited Sex Workers Anonymous in order to get more information about how these women in his community were doing. He meets three poor prostitutes and speaks to them that their lifestyle is hurting them and that depending on how often they were engaged in the business, he would provide them with safe and affordable housing.

The first prostitute says that she hasn’t had a client in two months, and being impressed, he gives her the keys to her own two bedroom apartment.
The second prostitute says she hasnt seen a client in one month, and so he gives her the keys to a studio apartment.
The third prostitute says she still sees clients, and so he gives her the keys to his room.

j/c:

Voters Reelect Dead Pennsylvania State Representative

https://www.theonion.com/voters-reelect-dead-pennsylvania-state-representative-1849769508

The first comment made me laugh out loud. Nothing like dark humor to brighten up my day!

The comments are great!

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. 'We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves." "That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

naza worked for yearz to find an ink pen that would write upside down zo it would work in the zero gravity of outer zpace.

The Ruzzianz juzt went and got a pencil.

In Huge Black Friday Sale, Store To Sell Everything For Price It Was Before Biden Became President

https://babylonbee.com/news/in-huge...ice-it-was-before-biden-became-president

P.S. Good one!

j/c:

Single-issue voting is a joke.

This is the kind of post that got them banned from Twitter before Elon re-instated them. Shameful using a child as political fodder. It's kind of funny, but in a mean way toward her, so not so much. But I'm sure there are plenty who laughed too hard at it. Ignorance is bliss.

But when the liberals and warmists people used her, it was fine? Have you read anything about her in the last 4 months or so?

It seems the difference between advocating and insulting has escaped you.

You should let people know that is a satire site like the onion. Some people on the right are easily fooled by rumors, innuendo, conspiracy theories, and satire.

Okay.

The babylonbee is a satire site like the onion. 'Fake news you can trust.'

It's amazing the things people think they can trust these days.

Just like people thinking that Twitter is a reliable news site.

It is pretty insane. Just because it is from Twitter, it should be accepted.

Looking for that 400 lb man in his pajamas again????

Precisely.

We get all the time "here's an article", or "here's a tweet". In todays media, an "article" doesn't mean jack. Tweets don't either.

Take any angle you want, on any subject, and I can find an article or a tweet that would dispute it. So, who's right?

It's in the political jokes thread and people are asking that posters clarify it's a satire site.

Only on dawgtalkers.....

ikr, only 71 million voters in America struggle differentiating fact from fantasy. Sites like this don't make it easier on their fragile minds.

And telling people they need to clarify a political joke website on a political joke thread is as fragile as it gets.

I see what you are saying and the humor and irony in it, but as usual, you are just wrong. Even in stupid joke threads, those who can't decipher truth from fantasy need to be given a heads-up or else they start repeating satire as fact. It happens a lot with the right.