Snowstorm In Chicago Delays Hundreds Of Morning Murders
CHICAGO—The city of Chicago is steadily recovering from an overnight snowstorm that delayed hundreds of murders on Friday morning and will likely continue to push numerous homicides across the city drastically behind schedule, public authorities announced. “As we speak, maintenance crews are working diligently to restore public transportation, de-ice roads, and clear back alleyways so that Chicagoans can quickly resume murdering again,” Department of Streets and Sanitation spokesman Dave Michelson said of the heavy blizzard, which caused numerous homicide cancellations this morning at peak murder times. “Unfortunately, we’re backed up by about 35 deadly shootings at the moment, but we hope to restore regular death tolls as soon as possible. We apologize to anyone forced to postpone shootings or other killings today and assure concerned murderers that they will be able to resume slayings by the early afternoon.” At press time, authorities reported that murders were up and running in many parts of the city, with four teenagers already gunned down on Chicago’s South Side.
I'm neither far left nor far right but I think The Onion crosses the line sometimes. Some things aren't for joking about. There's thousands of mothers and fathers in Chicago still grieving lost sons in that city's gang wars. Its like this other headline I saw in the Onion recently ...
"News in Brief: Man Googling ‘Tender Lump On Neck’ About To Begin Exciting New Phase In Life"
Funny, huh? Not to anyone who ever lost someone to cancer.
Sorry, I don't want to make anyone feel bad, but come on, there's enough things in this world to have fun about. We don't need to use human misery for humor.
"News in Brief: Man Googling ‘Tender Lump On Neck’ About To Begin Exciting New Phase In Life"
I can tell you lots of colon cancer jokes, ileostomy bag jokes, liver cancer jokes, Metastatic cancer jokes, stroke jokes, Cognitive Impairment jokes, and heart problem jokes. If I can't laugh at myself then I shouldn't laugh at others either. I have no problem at all making myself the butt of my own jokes.
GM, I think Dave made some really good points. I admire that you can make fun of yourself. It would not be admirable of the Onion or any other news outlet to make fun of people w/your condition.
I would not have a problem with the onion or any other source poking fun at my condition either. I realize some others would not think it was funny. Myself and my family have thick skin, and great senses of humor. We are also far from being politically correct so you see I am just practicing what I preach, but like Dave and you have pointed out I also feel for those who are unable to make light of painful situations.
Well after 6 surgeries, and three years without being able to exercise I hate to inform you all, but it's time I broke down and fessed up to the entire world. It's something I never thought I would have to admit to but here goes. Be prepared because I am going to sing it to you.
My favorite Onion pieces are the ones about abortion clinics having roller coasters and movie theatres that Cons completely buy. I think it was a few years ago that a Republican congressman thought that one of those articles was real and had a lot of outrage over it. I think anyone who believes Onion articles should give up their right to vote in the same manner that Felons do.
Wasn't as bad as the 2011 storm which was like 20+ inches, but this one was bad. We also were hit with snow before and after. The timing of the snow was wonderful too. Right at commute times, and also when I had to drive to hockey.
I literally felt like I spent the week living in my car. I actually bought some snacks to keep in my car on Friday for my drive to work. We had to come in because the stock exchange was open, but I was sent home a little after 1 which was cool!
I seriously cannot wait for that first real spring day
