DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Everything Else... A Sad Anniversary

I have gone back and forth in my mind about posting this. To my knowledge, I have never met any of the fine people who post here, and yet there are some I consider friends. Others may not be friends, but there aren't any posters I hate, or even dislike. I have often wondered to myself over the years what it is we all are to each other. I still don't really know, but I know we're something. I have been reticent about posting very much personal stuff about myself, with some exceptions when it seemed appropriate. But today is the first anniversary of a event that I could not bring myself to talk (post) about here because it was so painful, and still is. That, plus a part of me wanting there to be one thing - one place - in my life that remained unchanged is why I kept it to myself. Today, March 3, 2019 is the first anniversary of my wife Debbie's death. It was cancer. We found out she was sick in June of 2017, and following two rounds of chemotherapy, her oncologist told us last February (2018) that there was nothing more they could do. After a short period of home hospice care, she died in our home, with me by her side. Deb was a beautiful, talented, kind, and gentle woman. She was my world, and a year after her passing, I am as lost as I was when it happened. I just wanted you all to know. I don't know if I'll return to this thread, but thanks in advance for condolences, thoughts, prayers, and well wishes.

Dave

Very sorry for your Loss Dave...

So sorry to hear that Dave. My heart pours out to you.

Part of the healing process is to release the grief. The first year is the hardest, because you had to face many first's. This is your last first.

May the next ones be easier.

Dave, I am very sorry for your loss.

I happen to be preaching at my church today, and will be sure to pray for you and your family.

So sorry Dave. I pray you get the strength to carry on.

I too didn’t say much either about my personal life. About 4 months that changed with me and it helped a lot. Hope we can help you like that.

What’s to say?

1) I hope you read this,
2) A year is more than enough time mourning and dwelling on the woulda, coulda, shoulda.
3) Move on.

How?

Don’t waste your precious time alive moping.

There are so many ways you could contribute to and help improve the life of others.

Maybe visiting shut-ins or hospice patients. People in nursing homes would cherish a surprise visit and chat with a stranger.

There’s countless opportunities.

HELP OTHERS! You’ll receive great dividends.

You can start slowly.

Here, simply send me a check for $100 made payable to cash and you will have greatly brightened my life.

I’m here for you buddy.

rockyhilldawg
P.O. Box 43y2L
Rocky Hill, CT 06067

I'm truly sorry to hear of your loss Dave.

Man! I'm so sorry. Your wife was a talented musician, right? I remember you speaking about her on one of the music threads. Was she a pianist?

I know that words can never truly express the emotions in times like these, but I was helped after reading a poem by David Harkins:

Prayers to you & your family and sorry for your loss.

So sorry, Dave. I think posting here will be helpful. This crazy family might bicker and get nasty, but we'll pull together for one of our own. Just remember to take care of yourself....and sometimes it does take more than a year to come to terms with things and replace bad memories with good ones. Prayers to you.

I'm so sorry to hear about this MY FRIEND. I wish I could give you some magic words that would make everything better but I can't. What I can do is let you know if you ever need somebody to listen I'm here. You can PM me anytime.

So sorry for your loss Dave. This thread brought tears to my eyes!

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I've never suffered the loss of a spouse so for me to come up with comments like, "I can relate", or, "I know how you feel" would be disingenuous at best. I have however lost people who are very close to me. My father for one.

The one thing that kept me grounded and kept me moving forward through such losses was knowing what the person who I lost would have wanted for me. Nobody that truly loves you wants you to be sad. Nobody that loves you wants you to think of the bad health or bad times at the end. They want you to focus on the good times, the good memories and they want all the best for you.

My dad was a very good man. The type of human being I aspired to be. So I used his loss as inspiration to become a better person, a better man. I tried to move forward to honor his passing and his wishes for me.

It's not an instant process. We all have to grieve in our own way, in our own time. But in the end live the life that she would have wanted you to live. In my mind that's the best possible way to honor those we've lost.

The last year and a half of my fathers life was spent bed ridden after a severe stroke. He could not talk or walk. It did take time to get those memories in the rear view mirror and focus on his life before that. But as time passed the good memories of a life well lived came to the forefront.

They say time heals all wounds. I'm not sure that's 100% correct. But it does make those wounds more bearable. It will get better Dave. Just try to remember what she would have wanted for you. Just remember the life she would want you to live after her passing. And try to live each day that way. That's the best way you could put her first and honor her life.

As time passes, that will make your life better. Prayers and best wishes in your healing process Dave.

I dont think any words can help, but I am going to say them anyways

My condolences amigo

Hang in there Bro. I can only imagine the pain of losing a Wife ,best friend and lover, I hope God helps ease your pain.

Hugs Dave. I cant even imagine how terrible your loss is. We are all here for you.

Great responses to Dave's thread, but they don't surprise me; DTers help when necessary.

Be positive, Dave, and I'm sorry for your loss.

Dave,

My deepest condolences. Take solace in the fact that your wife's suffering is over. She is patiently waiting for you to rejoin her, and will watch over you until then.

Geeze Dave, that is a tough loss. One of the big four. I hope sharing helps dim the hurt just a little. That's what sharing is meant to do, so we don't have to bear it all ourselves.

I agree with you that this board is something. We may not be friends, or family, but we are something. I leaned on the board when my grandson went through leukemia and found the support very comforting. The board is very kind in that way. There are good people here.

Anyway, good thoughts and prayers for you and your and her families. I know this tragic loss has left a hole in many hearts. Perhaps you can take solace in the fact that her work here is done and she is home now.

Dave, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Cancer sucks. I lost my 31 year old daughter to metastatic breast cancer March 2, 2018 so unfortunately I know something of what you are going through.

Very sorry to hear that. Prayers from here to you and your family.

Thanks very much to all for their replies here, and also for the PM's I received. It helps some knowing that kind of support is here.

There are tons of good folks around here Dave. Just think of many of us as extended family

so sorry to read this Dave. I can tell how much she will always mean to you. Prayers today and every day

Heart goes out to you . If you havent already grief therapy helps . There is no timeline and no matter what ill advised advice you get dont put one on yourself . It doesnt get "better " it just gets less painful . Take time . You will find yourself settling , after a while , into a new normal and that too is ok . It may sound funny but dont shut out the pain or even try , be kind to yourself laugh when you can cry when you need to .