DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Everything Else... Goofy Immortal Part Deux

j/c:

I love their name, very heavy metal sounding. They should sponsor Metallica on tour.

Gross but very funny:

Family Heads To Public Pool For Relaxing Day Splashing In Other People's Urine

https://babylonbee.com/news/family-...ing-day-splashing-in-other-peoples-urine

I really did LOL at that.

Saw this and though it was clever ........

25 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs.

Please Lord, don't let Kevin Bacon die!

Or Bo Diddley... that would really, really suck!

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 pennies to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the pennies, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the penny to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects,the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying,"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

"No, an IRS Agent.”

Another one for us "Old Coots".

Just wow.

That show was funny as anything else on TV at the time, laugh track notwithstanding.

It wasn't until years after, that I discovered the inspiration for that show. Charles Addams was waaaaay ahead of his time.

haha love it

For those of us Old Coots old enough to remember

The Beverly Hillbillies

I laughed because I just heard Monster Mash on local old fashion radio

I know a guy who owns a big chunk of that song, part of the publishing rights. It’s been years since I talked to him but back then he said that song never makes less than $500k/yr, some years over $1MM in mailbox money. Owning a popular holiday song is the ticket.

I think I might have dated her older sister once upon a time.

At least you didn't marry her.

My brother might have married her 1st cousin.

When did my wife move to California???

During a routine police patrol, an officer parked his car outside a bar in Angleton, Texas.

After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”

“I doubt it,” said the truly proud Redneck ...

“Tonight I'm the designated Decoy."

The worst thing I learned last year:

People are left utterly disgusted after learning what 'waffle stomping' is - after man reveals his wife's revolting shower habit

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13376995/waffle-stomping-internet-revolted.html

In short, via the urban dictionary:



The worst rated comment from the article:

I thought everyone did this?

I would so beat an ass if this ever happened at my house. Smh. People are just nuts.

Sometimes, it's hard to accept that they are members of the same species as the rest of us.

As some of you may know, I sang in bands for decades. From a teenager until I was in my mid 40's. During that time I dabbled in song writing. Something I've recently decided to get back into. At this point I just got started on my first song. For some reason my mind went to a more country themed genre. First I created the title. Then the first verse came to me as well as the melody line. I believe it has all the potential to go big on the country music charts. It's titled "Momma Will You Kill the B!+ch That Broke My Heart."

"... there's cameras everywhere, I don't know where to start."

An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son shouts.

"We can't stand each other anymore," the old man replies. "I'm tired of seeing her face, and I'm done talking about this. Call your sister and let her know," and he hangs up.

The son, now worried, calls his sister. "What? They're getting divorced?!" she exclaims. She immediately calls their father. "You are NOT getting divorced! My brother and I are flying home tomorrow to talk this through. Until then, don't call a lawyer or sign anything. DO YOU HEAR ME?" She hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says... "It worked like a charm! They're finally coming to visit!"

What is the difference between North Korea and a black hole?

One of them you can’t leave, and the other is a black hole.

Might we have found Watson's cure? Brutal clip!

Granny was a sexy young thing.

Kids these days have no idea how easy they have it! When I was their age I had to walk across 12 feet of shag carpet just to change the TV channel! And then walk 12 feet back across that same shag carpet just to sit back down!

You were what they used to call a poor man’s clicker… That’s a remote control for those to young to have heard this.

I was too. Hell, I even had to do the antenna holding crap, or go get foil for it, when the football game would get a snowy picture. My kids and grandkids would have had a meltdown with only 3-4 channels of TV and no computers or internet. They would have considered that punishment for nothing.

I hated walking across that shag carpet in the winter, and getting the jolt of my life every time I touched anything metal ... or even just another person.

My dad used to make all my siblings turn the dial back in the day. Wherever they were in the house, he would call them down to turn the knob to the right channel.

I was in first grade when we finally got cable. I remember thinking "Wow, Nickelodeon!? A whole channel with just kids stuff on all the time!?" I thought it was paradise.

My family was on the cutting edge of technology at the time. lol We had a tall TV antenna tower with a rotor. For those too young to know what that is, it was an electric motor attached to roof top TV antennas so you could rotate the antenna in any direction you wanted to help you better pick up TV stations in different directions.

As such not only could we get Dayton TV stations clearly but also Cincinnati and Columbus.

We had a roof mount that was decent until storms… then the foil came out especially on Sundays during football. Ocassionally, being the oldest, I got sent up on the 8/12 pitch roof to adjust it. Fun times…

Stevie Wonder today spoke out to the press in defense of Diddy. In a short, one sentence defense of Diddy Stevie said, "I didn't see or witness anything illegal." Stevie refused to answer any questions from the press.

This could have been posted in the PP forum, but I wanted to post it here, because I didn't want it to become political.

Too many of our discussions descend into partisan feces-slinging. Tonight, I simply wanted to share with everyone something that really made me laugh.

This young guy has his finger on the pulse. He knows the secret to good stand up: relevance, timelessness, and the ability to see through all the BS.





He is following the George Carlin playbook.
I like what he's doing.

j/c:

This is very very funny, me thinks:

Just proves what grandpa always said, can’t wear out a post hole with a post.

That’s some kinda sloppy seconds.

This definitely fits the bill as "goofy". Still a lot of fun though.

There are 503 bricks on a plane and 1 fell off. How many are left?

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

The lions are having a party and all the animals are invited. Who isn’t there?

While all this is going, on a woman is swimming across a river infested with alligators and she survives. How in the world did she survive that?

After surviving the infested river, she got on shore and died anyway -- what terrible luck! What caused her death??

Big Chuck and Little John .Ben Crazy........Flu Shot

Gomer Pyle, USMC:Season 5 Episode 13....."Hit and Write

If we're talk'in Gomer Pyle, here is one of my all-time favorite scenes

Big Chuck and Lil John......Parking Spot

Coming up soon. The anniversary of 10 cent beer night.

A respected monk, although he is old, he is fearless you

One from the archives for us older folks..................

Big Chuck and Lil John: The Certain Ethnic Laundry

Football season is here

Family Excited To Get New Inkjet Printer That Will Work Flawlessly For First Six Hours And Then Never Again

https://babylonbee.com/news/family-...for-first-six-hours-and-then-never-again

P.S. I can relate!

Rage against the machine never said what machine they were raging against, but it was probably a printer.

lmao. That's pure awesome!

When printers became popular I used to just throw the printer away when it ran out of ink and buy a new one because the ink cartridges were more expensive than the actual printers themselves. That lasted for awhile, then they wised up.

I use the remanufactured ink cartridges now, but they only work so-so for me, like when they are new.

I really don't print stuff that often anymore anyhow.

Lol. That's funny because it was so true.

I've been using the same laser printer for about 15 years now. At my biz and at home. If the one at the restaurant would die, I'd bring the same model from home and re-up with another. Always bought used with low print counts on eBay as they were about $500 new. Why? Because these damned things are so glitchy, once I learned the fixes, glitches and temperament, I wouldn't want to change.

I'd generally get about 2 years at 500+ prints per week before the print head would need replaced and it would be cheaper to just by a new (used) one instead. Since I sold my business, "Old Faithful" has been churning out HQ prints for about eight years in my home office. I know every error screen, every finicky temper tantrum, every fix in the book. I rue the day I ever have to replace it. 🤣

Thought this was hilarious...

I would've thought it would be the ball bouncing off the receivers hands, just way closer to LoS and much further from goal line or first down marker.

I especially liked the size of the players. didn't notice it at first. 🤣

Oh damn I didn't notice that either. That's hilarious.

Aye yi yi yi....

NFL Announces Each Quarter Of Playoff Game Will Be Broadcast On Different Streaming Service

https://babylonbee.com/news/nfl-ann...will-be-broadcast-on-a-different-network


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Losing Football Team Excitedly Introduces New Coach Just Fired From Other Losing Football Team

https://babylonbee.com/news/losing-...st-fired-from-other-losing-football-team

For all those bracing for the weather.....