DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Palus Politicus Poltical Jokes Part 5

The White House (@WhiteHouse) / X https://share.google/0hbfDZKJvWHTGpgG2


What a freaking clown show this administration is.

I don't get the joke. That's just a link to their X account.

WASHINGTON—Fox News Channel’s top executive said on Saturday that the company was “deeply relieved” to learn that Donald J. Trump’s ban on media from the White House would only apply to news outlets.

“When I heard about the ban, naturally I was concerned,” Lachlan Murdoch said. “So I called the president and asked, ‘Does this impact us?’ And he said, ‘No this is just about companies that do news. You’re safe.’”

CBS News chief Bari Weiss shared Murdoch’s satisfaction in knowing that her division would not be subject to the White House ban, stating, “My zero-tolerance policy on news at CBS News is already paying off.”

Andy Borowitz

In a sign of support and standing in solidarity with the media against trump banning CNN, MS Now and Politico from The White House, Spanks has immediately stopped production of its ankle girdles.

HOUSTON—The US Senate race in Texas got uglier on Tuesday as Republican Ken Paxton accused Democrat James Talarico of lacking the requisite criminal record to represent the Lone Star State in Washington.

“With all due respect, my opponent doesn’t have the cojones to go on a crime spree,” he told a crowd of supporters in Houston. “James Talarico never saw a law he didn’t abid
e.”
Drawing a stark contrast between himself and Talarico, Paxton said, “My criminal record is as big as Texas itself.”

Paxton warned that, given the lawless environment that currently prevails in Washington DC, a non-crook like Talarico would be a “dangerous choice,” adding, “Texas deserves a criminal who doesn’t need on-the-job training.”

Andy Borowitz

MOSCOW—The Russian oligarch who paid for Donald J. Trump Jr.’s recent wedding revealed on Tuesday that he would also bankroll the newlywed’s divorce.

“I wish Don Jr. the best in his new marriage,” Umar Kremlev, who is close to Russian President Vladimir Putin, said. “But if it turns out like his first one, his divorce is on me.”

Kremlev said that, in the event of such a split, “I’ll cover the legal bill and pay his ex-wife alimony—in crypto instead of real money, of course.”

The oligarch stressed, however, that he was not offering to finance the divorce “of everyone named Trump,” adding, “I’ve already said no to Melania.”

Andy Borowitz