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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 17,475
Legend
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Legend
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 17,475 |
" But now I am a pro."
Oh no... 
you joined the fraternity of "BOZO's"
Defense wins championships. Watson play your butt off!
Go Browns!
CHRIST HAS RISEN!
GM Strong! & Stay safe everyone!
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,833
Dawg Talker
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Dawg Talker
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,833 |
Quote:
I honestly don't even have it anymore. I wrote it on the site's software thing, and my editor edited, and posted.
Newspaper journalism and academic compostion arer two different things. Sorry, I kinda went overboard on my critique. I'm an academic. 
BTW, I was nit picking. In all you did a decent job esp. considering the audience you were writing for 
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 5,521
Hall of Famer
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Hall of Famer
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 5,521 |
Regardless of the content, the first thing that jumped out at me when I read your piece was this: Quote:
Everyone knows that the Patriots have been one of, if not the, best teams in the NFL. It is hard to argue with their success, four Super Bowl appearances since 2002, and three wins. But what is it that makes the Patriots so good?
I would start by adding a qualifier to the end of the first sentence. The Pats have certainly been one of the best in the NFL over the past decade, but they have not always been one of the best. Far from it, as a matter of fact.
Secondly, since you are using their SB appearances and wins as an example of their success, the clause "It is hard to argue with their success" should be followed by a colon, and then your list of supporting statements should be added (without the comma since there are only two).
These are just two things that really jumped out at me. Since they were in the beginning of the article they were somewhat off-putting.
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