I think you nailed it, Clem... "pulled the little kid right outta me".

I've let this whole thing breathe long enough to settle in to my new "fandom". I'll always bleed brown and orange, I don't think anything will ever change that. But it just feels different now.

I think the biggest piece that was taken away was the "pride of ownership" with this shiny new toy. After taking only three-four seasons to finally scrape away all that "stank", I have a new reason to stare at all these team shirts hanging in my closet and just scroll right by... "not today dawg, not today". It felt so good to finally put those on again and poke my chest out a bit. Honestly, the immediate thought before throwing on a Browns shirt now is embarrassment -- once again -- same as it almost always was.

Above all else, I really thought the embarrassment was in the rear view. Oh well.


I've tried to look at the bright side, as of late, and have come to a definite mindset. I can read down the roster and there's name after name of players you just really want to cheer for.

I'll cheer for Deshaun to succeed as a quarterback; talent-wise he should be among the finest we've ever had. If he's not the missing link to that ever-elusive championship, in the end, it will just be more "stain". The "stains", that's been our nickname on every street in the NFL and every corner of the internet. At the end of the day, it's something we're all used to anyway. It's that ever-sinking "only in Cleveland" feeling that has made this all taste so bad. Almost as if we should just learn to always expect it.

I just really hope QB1 gives me a reason to cheer for "Deshaun the person". It's still possible that we may be hoisting a trophy with this young man well on his way to redemption. It's possible... it happens every day. It just sucks to have the emotional part of "fandom" tied to one player. Tied to whether or not he'll march beyond "scumbag" and show earnest regret for what he's done to affect the lives of others.

I can give a crap about a court of law... truth be told, I really don't think he's committed any crime. Is his conduct "unbecoming"? Yes. Of an NFL player, as a Cleveland Brown, hell -- as a human.

That's my opinion now. He'll have to do something to change that over time.

It's that "time" that cures all wounds. One of the truest cliches in life. So, if I step back, I'm wise enough to admit that I'm "over-reacting" to what's going on in the here and now. I'm acting as if I know the ending to this story with dead-zero in the retrospect department.

It just sucks that, for the immediate future, every feeling of "pride" goes so much further than Sunday's box score. But that crappy part of our future could be in the rear-view before we know it.

Holding out hope.