Had a revelation today. God helped me.. - 08/12/13 01:06 AM
I am a special education teacher for an inner-city school district. As summer winds down, my anxiety has picked up. I worry immensely about the upcoming school year. Earlier this summer, the principal called me and asked if I would be willing to take on a group of eighth grade students who have been coded with "Emotional Disturbance". To which I accepted. It was no surprise that their teacher from last year didn't return after having a rough school year with them (threats, behavior, etc.)
I accepted the position earlier this summer. As the year draws closer, I have never regretted anything so much in my life as I regret becoming a teacher. The stress involved with the schooling and licensing examinations has taken its toll on my family and I. I have spent hours upon hours studying and worrying about examination results. Going into this school year, the state of Ohio has implemented a mentoring program for new teachers, who must pass a series of assessments over a four year span in order to have their licenses renewed. - I just found this out last week. Needless to write, the stress has gotten to me. I have been stressed about my class during the upcoming school year, stressed about my student loans, stressed about future licensure observations that will take place in a classroom with Emotionally Disturbed students, stressed about failing. That's a big one right there, I have been so stressed about failing. . .
I spent this morning with my daughter while my wife stayed home. I took my daughter to a park and tried to play with her. The only problem was my mind was preoccupied with worry and stress about what I will endure over the next few months. I did as best as I could, and smiled as often as I could, but the fact was, I couldn't focus on my daughter because I was too stressed out. After I got home, I let it out to my wife. I conveyed how badly I regretted taking out loans to become a teacher when I could have done something far more enjoyable, I spoke about how difficult the next year will be given the class I will have, I told her how badly I wanted to find a different career in spite of all the licensure and education I have acquired in becoming a teacher. My wife listened and reminded me that if she replied, she would sound like a broken record because she has been hearing this from me over the last year.
I then went into the basement and sat there, on the verge of sobbing. I wrote down my thoughts. After writing for about thirty minutes, my mood did not improve. Finally, I asked God for help. I specifically wrote "God please help me". I then sat there with my eyes closed for about 15 seconds, and then all of a sudden, a calming thought came over me. The words "what are you afraid of?" flashed through my mind. I opened my eyes, and asked myself: What is there to be afraid of? I can deal with criticism from the state or from whomever is in charge of me, and more importantly, I can deal with prospect of not having a job due to layoff or unsatisfactory performance.
I have family, and friends to pull me through no matter what may happen in the future. - Just as I have and will continue to do everything I can to get them through hard times.
Minutes after coming to this revelation, I spoke to a fellow special education teacher who has 20+ years of experience in the same district that I work in. Her father is a minister. I told her about my revelation, and she took it a step further and noted that we (all people) exist to bring each other closer to God, and that this goes for students and teachers as well. She noted that as teachers we have to do the best we can to bring our students closer to God while we do the best we can to educate them and manage their behavior.
My anxiety and fear is gone.
For those of you who are similar to me and struggle with anxiety and fear, I have included a few quotes from the Bible down below. This has helped me a great deal.
"I promise you what I promised Moses: ‘Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you ... No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you."
"The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?"
I accepted the position earlier this summer. As the year draws closer, I have never regretted anything so much in my life as I regret becoming a teacher. The stress involved with the schooling and licensing examinations has taken its toll on my family and I. I have spent hours upon hours studying and worrying about examination results. Going into this school year, the state of Ohio has implemented a mentoring program for new teachers, who must pass a series of assessments over a four year span in order to have their licenses renewed. - I just found this out last week. Needless to write, the stress has gotten to me. I have been stressed about my class during the upcoming school year, stressed about my student loans, stressed about future licensure observations that will take place in a classroom with Emotionally Disturbed students, stressed about failing. That's a big one right there, I have been so stressed about failing. . .
I spent this morning with my daughter while my wife stayed home. I took my daughter to a park and tried to play with her. The only problem was my mind was preoccupied with worry and stress about what I will endure over the next few months. I did as best as I could, and smiled as often as I could, but the fact was, I couldn't focus on my daughter because I was too stressed out. After I got home, I let it out to my wife. I conveyed how badly I regretted taking out loans to become a teacher when I could have done something far more enjoyable, I spoke about how difficult the next year will be given the class I will have, I told her how badly I wanted to find a different career in spite of all the licensure and education I have acquired in becoming a teacher. My wife listened and reminded me that if she replied, she would sound like a broken record because she has been hearing this from me over the last year.
I then went into the basement and sat there, on the verge of sobbing. I wrote down my thoughts. After writing for about thirty minutes, my mood did not improve. Finally, I asked God for help. I specifically wrote "God please help me". I then sat there with my eyes closed for about 15 seconds, and then all of a sudden, a calming thought came over me. The words "what are you afraid of?" flashed through my mind. I opened my eyes, and asked myself: What is there to be afraid of? I can deal with criticism from the state or from whomever is in charge of me, and more importantly, I can deal with prospect of not having a job due to layoff or unsatisfactory performance.
I have family, and friends to pull me through no matter what may happen in the future. - Just as I have and will continue to do everything I can to get them through hard times.
Minutes after coming to this revelation, I spoke to a fellow special education teacher who has 20+ years of experience in the same district that I work in. Her father is a minister. I told her about my revelation, and she took it a step further and noted that we (all people) exist to bring each other closer to God, and that this goes for students and teachers as well. She noted that as teachers we have to do the best we can to bring our students closer to God while we do the best we can to educate them and manage their behavior.
My anxiety and fear is gone.
For those of you who are similar to me and struggle with anxiety and fear, I have included a few quotes from the Bible down below. This has helped me a great deal.
"I promise you what I promised Moses: ‘Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you ... No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you."
"The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?"
