DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Everything Else... Personal Growth and Improvement

We all spend, probably more time than we should, on here and other places telling other people what is wrong with them.. with their politics, with their faith, with their social beliefs, with their lifestyle, with their QB evaluations, etc..

What are you doing on a regular basis to improve YOU? to make YOU a better person? better at your job? a better spouse? a better parent? a better friend? to get more enjoyment out of a hobby?

What books do you read, podcasts do you listen to, TED Talks do you seek out, mentoring do you receive, group discussions do you engage in, etc....

As some of you know, last summer I went from being a local manager at my company with just a few folks reporting to me, to being an area manager with more than 40 people reporting to me across 5 states... so I have really spent a lot of time digging into what makes a manager successful. The one thing I'm happy to report is that it seems to be a lot of stuff I already believed but I'm finding some really cool ways to implement and communicate those ideas to others.. One of the things I have seen all over LinkedIn and other social media is the notion that employees don't quit companies or jobs, they quit managers.. so I have had a focus on NOT being that manager.. along the way I've also learned a lot about my own life..

I have listened to anything I could find from Simon Sinek, who is all over Youtube. He is an engaging speaker who talks about all sorts of management topics, including how to simultaneously manager people who range in age from 25 to 60.. which is something I'm tasked with...

I've been reading a book called One Mission (which is the second book in a series, the first is called Team of Teams), written by a former Navy Seal on how to get relatively autonomous small teams to function within the framework of a bigger team to optimize efficiency... it's a fascinating book and I would recommend it to anybody who works in any kind of a "corporate structure"..

I also started reading a lot about "work-life balance".. and my initial conclusion is that work-life balance is a myth.. or perhaps more accurately, is mislabeled... Work does not belong on the same level as Life.. you have Life at the top, work is a subset of that, not an equal to that.... So you have Life Balance, and under that you would have work, family, friends, hobbies, faith, etc.. all of the things competing for your time...

Most recently, as in this morning, I found an article about a Dutch concept called "Niksen".. which is literally the act of doing NOTHING... It's not watching TV or playing on your phone level of doing nothing.. it's sitting in a chair staring out the window or taking a long walk by yourself in the woods level of doing nothing.. unplugged, not stressed or planning about today or tomorrow... they lay out a compelling case about the mental, emotional, even physical health benefits of having this "Niksen" time... this is also where you get the most creative from uncluttering the brain.. solutions to problems pop up, etc.. We live in a world where "being busy" is a sign of productivity and success because being busy is equated with being important... and this causes us to not allow ourselves to ever "do nothing"... I'm anxious to learn more about this one...

On a more personal level, my church, which is predominantly white, has partnered with 2 other churches that are predominantly black... and we have a joint meeting once a month where we hear a speaker or watch a short film or something and then have an open conversation in small, mixed, groups about race relations and we discuss our backgrounds and what we see and where we can be better.. I've met many interesting folks through this and developed a much deeper understanding of how other perceive the problem in a ways I never could have imagined without these interactions...

So I asked the question, it doesn't have to be work related.... maybe you are learning a second language, learning a musical instrument.... whatever you are passionate about to make you a better, happier, more fulfilled person.... go for it, let's talk about it.

Great topic DC.

I sit on the Board of Directors of the Autism Society of Greater Akron. I've really thrown myself into helping it fundraise and advocate for better protections and services for the Autism community. It is really rewarding, but also gives me an opportunity to interact with lots of different people. And the more people you talk with, the more you understand, and the more you realize what you need to do in order to be a better person, IMO.

I've also been watching what I eat and have lost more than 13 pounds in a month. May seem like a lot, and it is, but I definitely had it to lose, so that makes it a little easier. But I find when I take care of myself that way, it makes me generally happier. And that crosses over into all parts of life.

I read my Bible and devotions. I am also taking an online course on "Whose Job is it to Make Disciples?"

I am going to check out Simon Sinek.

I find that one of the hardest things possible is to sit quietly, blocking out everything, including your own thoughts, don't try to guide where things go, and just listen for God's guidance. I try to do this after my nightly prayers, but I find that I wind up falling asleep.

I am still also sketching. Some are good, some OK, and some suck ..... but it's an enjoyable way to spend some quiet time.

I am also trying to teach myself reading music. I have learned parts of 4 different languages, but for some reason, reading music seems more difficult than any language.

I like to set aside time to exercise, self reflect, and think about the future. Things I would like to achieve, and more importantly, how to do so. I'm big into "believe it achieve it"

My contributions to "society" are all local, and in the grand scheme of things probably don't amount to much.

I have been treasurer of our town's high school's athletic boosters for 20 years (finished this June 30). I have served as President of our school's academic boosters for at least 12 years, maybe more but that job does not occupy a lot of my time.
I have been treasurer, VP & had several terms as President of our town's Chamber of Commerce. I have served as President of our Lion's club, which is now a private local Community club where I now serve as secretary.

All of those are nice but don't seem to really affect "mankind" as being a volunteer in a health care related situation, local firefighter or EMS volunteer. I am not sure I could handle emergency situations in those fields . I can handle a business issue, but not life and death. Just not built that way.

AS far as bettering myself, I am 57 and seem to be emotionally & physically tired a lot. I am not interested in taking any courses or college classes. I don't read a lot other than maybe political or history books.

I do try to be less judgmental of my fellow citizens & rather than donate to big name charities I try to keep my ears open in my small town and maybe assist financially in a small way for a family down on their luck.

That's all I have. Cool topic by the way. It could give the regular post readers an insight as to what makes each other tick.

Amen brother. I've learned the hard lesson over the years that if I go into every new encounter with the thought of "what can I learn from this person" instead of "what does this person need to learn from me"... it makes for much more pleasant encounters and I also learn a lot about them... and me.

I think that would apply to most of us so don't sell yourself short. I doubt many of us are having a big impact on a national or global level.


Not everybody involved is going to save the world... you are helping kids enjoy all of the life lessons associated with playing team sports and working to make your community a better place for people to live and work. Good on you.

Experience is the one thing you get right after you needed it.

I heard it as, Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

I'm doing better with that. Not great, but better. I've realized I don't have to have an answer for every situation/issue.

3 nights a month, I'm at church for meetings. It's cool to see how others contribute with their assets, and I chip in with mine.

As far as 'leadership'? I'm self employed currently, and for the last 16+ years. I don't lead anyone but myself.

You said something along the lines of 'people don't quit jobs, they quit managers', and to some extent I feel that is true.

As I once was a 'manager'/owner of a different business, I found treating employees with respect was the best thing for everyone. That, (and more money) is all any employee seeks. JMO.

I wonder if you’ve heard this one:

I’ve found having worked at both the staff and managerial levels, the documented “Performance Evaluation” to be a powerful tool. They should be used to inspire. Not reprimand or try to improve deficient performance.

As a staff:


I’ve had seniors who gave me “critical” documented evaluations thinking that helped make me a better employee. It didn’t. I felt more pressure. I just liked my boss and my job less. (an evaluation comment like, “rockyhill needs to improve his analytical skills”)

I’ve had seniors who gave me glowing evaluations that only emphasized the highlights of my performance. This highly motivated me. I much more liked my boss and was highly motivated to make them happy with my job performance going forward. I did a great job and that benefited my boss.


As a senior:


Later, I learned from the second example of evaluations above and always gave “glowing” evaluations to staff whose work I was responsible for. If an employee performed at least adequately, I gave them a stellar evaluation with lot’s of positive comments. Nothing critical. If there was something they could improve on, I told them verbally. Never in a written evaluation.

If their job performance was sub par, I gave them a bland “average” evaluation (never critical. Very few comments). Going forward, the employees with great evaluations continued working at or above expectations. The employees with the bland evaluations were often soon gone.

In turn, my job performance and evaluations going forward usually came out pretty good.

"rockyhill needs a stronger underarm deodorant and maybe an occasional breath mint or two”

Almost always.

Better ourselves? For some, it’s just about making it successfully through life.





Next month, I’m celebrating my 40th anniversary with my company. When you’re from your particular Skid Row, you work hard and keep on working hard until you feel you can relax. Being able to relax is bettering yourself.

I give time. I serve and clean up at the community kitchen 3-4 days a week.

I have always been protective of my time. It's time to give and share.

I have been fortunate to have never had to eat at a community kitchen by need, but feel fortunate to have been able to work at one and eat there by choice..

You don't give yourself nearly enough credit.

You can't change the world, but you can make your little corner of the world a better place.

It's all most people can ever do, really, and it's priceless.

Now that I'm in my 60's, if I have to learn something new, I'll have to forget 3rd grade to make room. I choose to retain the multiplication tables, so I'd rather not learn anything else. As far as charities go, I try to stick with the locals like the Cleveland Food Bank, the City Mission, the Salvation Army, and the Cleveland Animal Protective League. In terms of how I live my life, I try to be kind to all, even the jackwagons.

I donate time and/or money/food to 2 local charities: The Rescue Mission of Youngstown, and New Lease on Life, which is an animal rescue.

Management styles? Well, how many different types of people are there, how many different types of jobs, and how many different ways of doing those jobs? Different things work for different people, in different situations. You need to read the room.

For example, if I was given a task, on Monday morning, that was due Friday close of business, I would look at it on Monday, determine that it would actually take a day or two to get done, screw off till Wednesday or so, then grind straight thru to Friday afternoon, when it would be done.

Some managers would go ballistic at the screwing off, the smart ones would note that the jobs are always done by the deadline, and realize that was the goal of the operation, and be fine with it.

Similar is life in general, I find many people loose sight of what is the goal of the operation. You want a mansion and a yacht, fine, myself, I have watched that being done and decided at a very young age that I did not want to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve what is commonly called "success".

As I have taught my son, my goals, my definition of success, is mine and mine alone to determine. What other people want or need or suggest for me is not relevant. If you want to make others happy while you are not, that is a choice you are free to make. However, if your life is not as you wish it, part of the problem may well be that you focus on what others want or need while ignoring what YOU want. An expression I often use is "well, what color do THEY think you should paint your house?"

The men in my family have been almost exclusively self-employed for five generations. It is not for everyone, and it is not easy, but it puts you in charge of your own affairs as much as is possible. My father, grandfather, and one uncle, all became millionaires. I honestly do not know if the money alone made them happier people. I think it was a totem to strive for but was ultimately unfulfilling, but that is just my opinion.

They all did just as they pleased, but so did great-grandpa, my namesake, and he died broke. Who was happy and who was not?

I enjoy what I do for a living, I enjoy most aspects of the job, and it pays the rent and puts food on the table. I left almost the same job, which was good for 3-4 years, then the same manager read some book, or watched some video, changed styles of management and also business goals, some liked the change and thrived under it, others did not and left.

Some people like being directed in every move, others prefer to go their own way. Choose what works for you.

• Finishing up my masters in the fall
• Took a transfer to a more challenging school in our district
• Learn more about place-based learning

• Learn more and more about social anxiety
• Try to be more clean
• Not let my interest appear to be more important
• Listen and not try to solve a problem

• Learn to practice mindfulness to allow myself to enjoy hobbies
• Work on fine tuning focusing in my photography
• Realize that trying to go on roller coaster trips while planning wedding, honeymoon, packing/moving, etc. may be unsustainable
  
  
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  What books do you read
  • Working on the Hamilton biography
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  podcasts do you listen to
  • Prank phone call podcasts
  • This American Life
  • Waypoint Radio
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  mentoring do you receive
  
  I make an effort to get to know respected village Elders, and they point me towards paths I should follow as an educator for the populace I serve in Alaska.

I have a hard time being humble because

It may sound odd, but I have been working on my patience.

I am very intent when working on something, and if I get interuppted I can be a bit rude/inconsiderate to the person. It's an issue at work were I am often reading hundreds of lines of code only to be stopped by someone who can't figure out how to put paper in the printer, or get a jam out.

We have a company wide mandatory annual performance evaluation. The one thing I've told everybody in my group is that there should NEVER be any new revelations in their review. If they are messing up or need to do something differently, they will already know that. The performance eval is not a "Gotcha moment" where I blindside people. They will know before they ever walk in the room how I (and the other managers) think they are doing.

With that said, sometimes people aren't meeting their obligations and you have to be critical of their performance.. plus, if eventually you need to fire them for poor performance and every evaluation says they were doing ok to great, that's a problem.

I try to be critical in a proactive way, looking for learning opportunities or giving them resources that might help them improve.. but if they aren't getting the job done, that goes in the review.

Thanks. I guess I did make it sounds like the things I do don't matter. I don't really feel that way. By grand scheme of things I meant big picture stuff like I don't save lives or feed starving third world citizens.

I know some truly selfless people and I guess I was thinking of them and the people they directly help. Their work is much less public & visible but impactful.

My job as a small bank branch manager has actually enabled me to help a few people with major life situations, and that is what I like about what I do for the most part.

I read Chinese / martial arts stuff. Did aikido for years (just read The Art of Peace recently), read Sun Tzu, and just started classes in Tai Ch Chuan. This has helped my balance, my arthritis, and I am relaxing more, sleeping better. This is the Qi Gong part, the personal health side of it, I think. Getting to Yes for some negotiating stuff, and just personal quietness and calming meditation. The results surprised me so far.
A) I am not good at it; B) I want to do it. First watched groups of about thirty in the morning doing this together outdoors in a plaza. Now I get it, at least a little. Focus on you some, regularly, but it is making a difference for me.

Even though it's very late in my IT career, I have finally learned how to work with difficult people and form good relationships with them. I have also learned how to conduct meetings and to do presentations. Better late than never.

I'm also learning how to swim better by taking a class with my autistic son Alexander. He is way better than me. I'm barely on level 3 and he's on level 5.

Seems like I am always finding more to learn. I just love to learn new things. Lately my focus has been on two things. Carpentry and Reiki Healing. I assume everyone knows what Carpentry is ...

Reiki Healing is something new for me when you combine meditation and crystal attunement to focus your spiritual energy to create healing energy. I took it up as a curiosity in studying piezo electricity since we use crystal energy in so much of our modern technology. From tvs, computers, watches, etc it all dealing with crystal energy.

I have done meditation without crystals for almost a decade now to my great benefit. I have to say though once I found the right crystals it changed my life. Now an hour of meditation can give me joint pain relief for days. It's like feeling energy surge through your body and accumulating whenever you have pain and an intense pressure building up until it just pushes the pain away. The first time it happened to me though it scared the crap out of me because it felt like I was going to explode or something. Now I am used to it and it doesn't scare me at all. I know one thing I am sure grateful for the pain relief that is for sure.