DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Everything Else... If You’re Honest, You’ll Admit To Feeling This

Most of my time on the board is spent in the Pure Football Forum since I signed up back in '01. I'm kind of a newcomer to the Everything Else Forum. That is, I've pretty much stayed away from it due to the accurately good advice of the old adage, "Never talk about Religion or Politics". But in the dead zone of this off season I've wandered into Everything Else much more often than usual.

Rarely do I post here. It's not like me to get into the knock-down drag-out discussions. The main reason for that is because of the dogmatic and adamant nature of of so many opinions. It's very hard to discuss a subject facing that.

Then Swish said something about America being the most intolerant of Nations. Now, it's not so much that I agree with that statement, though it is good food for thought, but I have noticed that many of the threads, regardless of the subject matter the posts, in general, contain a lot of hatred. Hatred from both ends of the opinions. I suspect most will disagree with that assessment. I suspect also that those who do disagree are likely the ones displaying the most hatred in their opinions.

At any rate, I thought a look into our own internal fears and hatreds could be beneficial for those unafraid to do so.



If You’re Honest, You’ll Admit To Feeling This

Who do you hate? Before you deny harboring that ugly emotion, think of it this way… Who do you intensely dislike, loathe, disdain, abhor? Still don’t relate? How do you feel about terrorists, rapists, child molesters, and murderers? Adolf Hitler? Osama bin Laden? Donald Trump? Hillary Clinton? If you’re honest and you’re human, you will admit that you have felt hatred. Rather than deny it, our goal should be to overcome it. And to do that, we need to understand the roots of hatred.


Why do we hate?

1. Fear – The fear we have of people/place-Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding about ourselves.-Carl Jung1 (1)s/situations that have the power to hurt us gives rise to hatred. It is a natural reaction to feeling threatened, subject to someone or something beyond our control. Terrorists. The boss. The government. Police. Parents. Partners. Fear breeds resentment and contempt.

2. Anger – is both a cause and effect of hate. When children don’t get their way, they frequently yell, “I hate you.” As adults, we may not use the word, but the venom and attack in anger is hatred. We all have these momentary lapses of equanimity even with loved ones. Ideally, they pass quickly. Sustained anger is a breeding ground for deep-seated hatred. -Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding about ourselves.-Carl Jung1 (3)

3. Jealousy and Envy – come from insecurity, resentment and covetousness. Behind them is the hateful desire to see another fail.

4. Intolerance – We tend to fear what we don’t understand. That can lead to discrimination and bigotry. Close minded people reject those who are significantly different from them as well as those who do not share their opinions and beliefs. The more fanatical one is, the greater the potential hatred for the opposition.

5. Prejudice – We pre-judge according to biases we were raised with and base our opinions on stereotypes. We mimic the beliefs and prejudices of our parents, teachers, religion and culture.

You’ve got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You’ve got to be taught
From year to year,
It’s got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a diff’rent shade,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You’ve got to be carefully taught!*

*You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught - Rogers and Hammerstein


6. Low self-esteem – Overly critical people imagine they look better by making others look worse. They try to bolster a fragile self-ima-Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding about ourselves.-Carl Jung1ge by looking on others with disdain.

7. Projection – We deny our unwanted thoughts, emotions and faults, and project them onto others. We blame external causes for our unhappiness and problems.

8. Mood – Whether we like or dislike a person is influenced by our emotions, the moo-Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding about ourselves.-Carl Jung1 (4)d we’re in at any given moment. We look through tainted glasses when in a negative state of mind.

9. Group Influence – We are easily influenced by friends, family, society, the media. We tend to pick up and share the same attitude as those we most identify with. When opinions are shaped by peer groups or gossip, a collective like or dislike arises.

10. Unconscious – We are all a unique combination of memories, primitive instincts, values and judgments that lead us to say of someone: “I liked her immediately” or “Didn’t trust him from the minute I laid eyes.” We let automatic reactions determine our thoughts and feelings.


Your hateful feelings are hurting YOU!


Hatred is in the mind. We think we hate a person or event, but we actually hate the feelings they arouse in us. In projecting the hate onto them, we imagine that the problem is ‘out there’ rather than in our mind. That nurtures and sustains the hate, and negates the ability to change it.

We alone are responsible for and in control of our thoughts and feelings. And we are the ones who suffer the toxic effects of hatred.

Who would send messages of hatred and attack if he but understood he sends them to himself?
- A Course in Miracles Text-19.IV

Hatred is a destructive emotion. It eats away at people and relationships. It poisons the atmosphere and spawns hateful acts. We can condemn and seek to correct the despicable things that happen in the world without feeling hatred. Hatred closes the mind and bars the path to constructive action.

Denying our negative emotions pushes them into the unconscious where they grow stronger and have detrimental effects. Acknowledging them is the path to self-knowledge and healing. Observe your emotions. Where are they coming from? What are they based on?

From the Book, Healing Feelings - Feelings don’t arise out of nowhere. They are thoughts that reached a vibratory level strong enough to be felt. They signal what is going on in the mind….Fearful thoughts contract the energy field blocking the full, free flow of energy causing painful physical and emotional feelings.

If we don’t practice awareness and exert our power of choice, our lives run on automatic pilot. Our strongest thoughts dictate our perceptions, fire emotions and design our experience. We will repeat the same patterns over and over and claim we have no power over them. But we do…Freedom lies in choosing. Growth comes from choosing anew.

There are multiple triggers of hatred. The trigger is not the problem. The problem is that in our dualistic nature, hatred is one of many threads of human nature. We are all capable of feeling it, and we are also capable of choosing against it.



"Don’t hate, it’s too big a burden to bear". Martin Luther King


"The oldest and strongest emotion is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown". - H.P. Lovecraft


"Never underestimate the power of jealousy and the power of envy to destroy" - Oliver Stone


"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding about ourselves". - Carl Jung


"The trick is to be grateful when your mood is high and graceful when it is low". - Richard Carlson


link

I think most hate/bullying I encounter has to do with lack of self-confidence and insecurity.

Many people project onto others because of their own inadequate thoughts.

First off, mad props for naming me directly. Good to see somebody's dad raised them with a pair of balls.

Second, great post.

So I'll answer:

I openly admit I'm scared/dislike religion with an absolute passion. Maybe it's seeing what it does in active combat zones. Maybe it's seeing the pedophilia that gets covered up in the churches. Maybe it's terrorism. Maybe it's the way religious people want our country's law based off that bible. Maybe it's the way they treat women, specifically in the Middle East. And maybe it's the way people use religion to justify being a segregated nation.

People say "the religion is fine, it's the people". Ok..... Since people created religion, to me they become one in the same.

I'm scared/distrust cops. My experiences have been well documented on this board. I'm scared of minority cops more than white cops, cause they possess a certain grudge factor when policing their own. When I see a cop, my hands start sweating, and I get nervous. My heart beats faster. And so far, they haven't given me a reason to trust them. At. All.

People on this board like to say I have a chip on my shoulder. No matter how many times I explain myself, the narrative doesn't change. And THATS what pusses me off about this board the most. Posters constantly trying to tell others that their experience isn't valid, even though they have zero experience in the subject.

I don't tell DC what's it's like to be in construction. Or lurker and others what it's like to be in IT or coding. Or Erik what it's like to be a contractor. I don't invalid their experiences. I learn.

Yet for some reason, lurkers, Clem and my experiences always gets downgraded. I got white posters trying to tell me what it's like to be black in the inner city.

I don't tell you guys what life is like in suburbia. But that doesn't matter

So I'll freely admit that my impatience on this board comes from the fact that you can tell somebody what it's like in a specific situation, and EVEN though themselves have never gone through it, they just blow me off. And unfortunately I get real trollish when I get annoyed.

When we discuss business or taxes or anything technical, I don't care because I learn from you guys about that.

But social issues? Y'all could call it arrogance, but the reality has been made clear that when it comes to social issues, world politics and combat, I'll run circles around y'all. Very few have the travel, combat, religious, interracial, or living experiences I have.

That being said, the only intolerance I hold is when it comes to civil rights issues. I HATE when people are unable - check that - UNWILLING to view any sort of social issues from another perspective. I'm annoyed with simple minded answers for complex problems.

I'll get blasted for my post most likely, but DD, that's for at least keeping it real. Very good post and it made me think about my own convictions.

Dude. I'm not a contractor. I haven't been for over 20 years.




Swish, you're experience are your own. No one else gets the same experience. I've had cops point guns at me before. How many times has that happened to you? Have you ever been mistaken for a cop killer or a rapist because you look like everyone else? I have.



I still believe the only way to get over social/racial issues is for people to put aside their past and try to see everyone as a person instead of their color/social status. The only way it will ever work is for people to put aside the hatreds passed on to them from their ancestors.

This is what I'm talking about.

It doesn't matter how long it's been. However many years you WERE a contractor, is how many years you have over me. So if one day I wanted to become one, even though you been out the game a while, you can still give me the basics, because I don't know anybody else who has.


That is the whole point of why I mention that. Jesus bro

It's amazing that I give people props and still manage to get shot. And for the record, I've had a gun pointed at me twice.

I was working for a contracting company. It was like any other job. I didn't set up the contracts or anything of the sort.

Meh, this forum is mostly the smack shack these days. Its the same dumb arguments over and over again.

Aight man. Whatever.

Erik, I appreciate ddub for starting this thread, and if I could offer one suggestion, rather than respond to what Swish said, even though you feel some of it may not be accurate or may be directed at you... why don't you respond to ddub's original post first.

Whether you agree with Swish or not, this thread is about opening up about YOURSELF.. the intent is not for you to grade how Swish looks at himself or compare your experiences to his or debate the rightness or wrongness of his feelings... it's about you opening up about you..... open up bro, let it go.

I plan to do it but I have a feeling mine is going to get quite lengthy, so I will wait until I get home from work.

I did respond. See the last statements in my post.

What you posted is very true. It's human nature to have some hatred in your heart for someone or something. And even the descriptions that explain the varying reasons for hatred seem quite accurate to me.

I guess I'm lucky in that regard. I will admit that as a much younger man I held a lot more anger and hatred inside of me. There were reasons for this that I don't feel need to be discussed in this thread. The burden and weight that it placed on me were all to real. It had a very negative impact on my life in a multitude of ways. At an early age, I didn't fully comprehend just how much that impact really was.

As I've gotten older, I've dealt with the issues that troubled me in my youth that was at the root of this problem. While I'm very far from perfect, I no longer allow anger to have a real impact in my life. I'm much calmer and at peace. I kind of adopted a motto that has served me well......."I don't sweat the petty stuff. I only pet the sweaty stuff."

I'm far happier than I've ever been. A state of calm is severely underrated. A lower stress level is a much healthier way to live. One thing I've learned through all of this is that unless and until one is happy with ones self, one can never truly be happy.

since this sort of became 'a board" topic. Let me just say that just like me, I think we all have "Board Personas" that do not reflect what we're really like in person.

There's no doubt in my mind whatsoever, that if I was at a party with every username from this board, it would be a giant love-fest.

I don't think animosity between usernames carries over in person.

I'd be the first to give you a big kiss on the mouth.

That seems awkward.

Handshakes work well though.

But, he has a point. I've met several from this board.

I even invited Swish to a tail gate. He took it the wrong way though - thought I wanted to fight him. That was about the last thing ......take that back.......it never entered my mind.

I'd love to meet so many on here.

I'm a blast at parties, as long as you can stand the sarcasm and never ask me about my job.

can we hang out on sundays in the fall? i need your positive attitude

Well, "Fear" is what kept our earliest ancestors alive and helped us evolve into a civilized society. For the most part we rarely tap into that fear aspect that is so much a part of our genetic coding. Tribal man (S.American Indians, Pygmies, New Guinea forest societies etc.) still use that "fear" gene to survive their predators on a daily basis.

However, "fear" is not lost with us city or first world dwellers...it is what allows us to navigate through unknown areas of a city, the dark countryside or another country and being aware of our surroundings to help us survive. Or, to be cautious when a dog is growling at us or a wild animal crosses our path, heights or water that is moving quickly or is dangerously too cold to swim in.

"Fear" is also what 24 hour news, sensationalist media and even Donald Trump are playing into when they go on and on about the evils of the world. They want us to fear...they want to manipulate our thought and they want to have control over us.

Every party deserves a Captain, and I am generally that person.

Who do I hate... that one is easy for me. Nobody I hate the things that people have done, but I don't hate them. Terrorists, rapists, child molesters, and murderers, yep I hate what they did, but I don't hate THEM.

Unless you have lived inside another person and experienced exactly what that person has gone through in their life you don't know if you would react just the same way they do/did you not, and you can't honestly say you would or would not. As the Bible says Hate the sin, not the sinner, and for me that is easy as it just comes natural for me anyway.

No persona here. I have met many of the folks here and they can tell you I am the same jerk in person as I am on the board

I don't know if you can say I hate anyone but what would you classify wanting to dance a jig on someones grave when they die?

Mother in law?

Ex-boss.

Your mother in-law was your Ex-boss? The horrors

I would say you just got done watching Happy Feet.

Any time! I live just SE of Nashville and you're more than welcome to come visit.

I know I'm late to the party (and BTW, for full disclosure sake, I'm not much of a hugger or a kisser like DC apparently is, but I am rather free with a smack on the ass and a "Good Game!")...

.. To be honest with you, I actually disagree with your premise about the amount of hatred on the Boards. Your observations are certainly your own, but I just don't see what I would consider hatred. What I do see is:

-disagreements ranging from civil to not so civil
-crazy assertions
-unsupported claims
-name calling
-people set in their ways and beliefs
-people have their own experiences
-hippocricy (sp?)
-trolling
-etc etc

But I've also seen plenty of the flipside. We've seen plenty of Dawgs patch things up (and fall apart again lol). As contentious as some of the racial and gay rights threads have gotten, to date I haven't seen anyone resort to racial/gender slurs.

The OP lays out a lot of things that LEAD to "hate", but it doesn't define what it actually is. For me hate is an emotion/feeling that is as consuming as love. Hate to me isn't just sitting there and brooding, it's an action with purpose.

I'm assuming maybe other Dawgs feel different.

I don't believe we can limit the definition of the word hate to only the worst case, vein-popping, anger-filled, disrespectful meaning. I belive hate has attached to it a gauge that goes from 0 to 100 and the intensity of that hate falls somewhere along that line. It is presented in many forms, and is activated in many differing intensities. Some people we hate a little, some we hate a lot. Some have gotten reprieves and some, who haven't triggered us yet, get no hate at all, yet.

I also don't hate anyone here. Why would I. I will debate some things to the death, but others really just are not worth arguing. I will debate some posters, but I know that others will have their mind up from the word go, and will never change their minds. I have even discussed, privately, Christianity with quite a few posters. (and done so very civilly, which I have enjoyed a great deal) I have even discussed Jesus with some people who no one would ever have guessed. Now maybe it was just to get me to type out a lot of stuff, () but I hope that it will, some day, have a positive impact on their lives)

I may disagree with some people, maybe even vehemently, but hate? No way. Life is too short to hate, and further, my Lord, Jesus Christ, says not to hate others. That's good enough for me.

GM, I think that you make a good distinction between hating an action, and hating a person. Unfortunately, some people feel that if you disagree with something they do, then you hate them. That is not the case at all.

I will also add that I have known GM for quite a while, and he is who he is, whether IRL, or here. He is the guy who is in Browns gear, head to toe, every day of the year. He is a genuinely god guy, and one I am proud to call a friend. (sorry if I just messed up your rep, bud)

But for the concept you're talking about I think it IS important that there limitations, although not too stringent because the more you broaden what constitutes as "hate" the more you dilute the concept and in essence take away from the real instances of such. We already do this with terms like "racist" and "bigoted". So much these days gets thrown in to those categories without any actual qualifiers. For example, the shooting at the Church last year in SC was no question a racist act... juxtapose that with the common claims that if you disagree with Obama on a policy or an action you are racist. Claiming that my disagreement with the President is because I'm racist IMO is demeaning to those throughout our country's history that have actually been a victim of it.

But I do hate the Steelers. No doubts about that

Hahaha, I'm with ya on the Steelers thing.

I'm too tired to actually respond tonight but I'll get to it. Maybe tomorrow if it doesn't cut into my nap time. lol

But I wasn't even playing a game, and you left a handprint

Sorry what did you say? I was busy at the Barber Shop with Thao again.

I've watched many Browns games with Pit, and we have managed to laugh our way through a lot of disastrous games.

I just opened this thread for the first time. I think the OP was thought provoking, but the majority of the replies are disappointing.

I think it is important to focus on why we hate, the consequences of hate, and to address how to combat hate.

I have actually been giving a lot of thought to what hate is doing to our society. We witness acts fueled by hate and we ignore the etiology of the act and focus in on gun control, religion, politics, etc. Meanwhile nothing is learned, gained, or solved despite the horrific results of the original hateful act.

I would love to discuss the whys and how do we correct the problems if anyone is interested. However, I'll pass if the discussion is about assigning blame through classification.