DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Tailgate Forum We gotta get this guy

I'm bored.. Madden won't be out for a few weeks, and camp's not for a week. Who's up for a game of "We gotta get this guy."?

Here's how it works for those who have never played before. You post a pic of a guy you want us to get (T.V. Stars, Historical figures, we're not picky) and someone writes a "scouting report" of some kind about the person/being. We keep going until the thread gets locked for length or camp actually starts and we loose interest.

Prior scouting reports have included: Jesus Christ, Chucky, Yoda, Darth Vader, Napoleon Dynamite, Mr. Belvidere, T.C. (Unable to use full name because it still causes arguments to this day)

Who wants to start?

Let me go ahead and say before the thread gets going that this was and is dumber than hell.

JMHO

Ding Din...er, nevermind.

How about Shepdawg ... position: NFL Commish.

Scouting Report: His cranky attitude and preference towards, "no fun" would fit perfectly with the league's current moniker of being the "No Fun League".

Optimus Prime.
Position: Nose Tackle.

Scouting Report: Built like a truck and plays out-of-this-world defense. Was considered slow at first, but underwent a transformation early. He's now considered a great team leader. Also lives for tackling guys with a "cannon" for an arm.

Paris Hilton
Position: 255th pick of the Draft

.... It's the only way we'll get the media to mention "Paris Hilton" and "Irrelevant" in the same sentence.

Pit Bull

Postion : Running back

Report: Very fierce when it comes to carrying the ball. Straight-up runner. Will eat you alive on when your on defense.

Superman Hometown: Metropolis Height: 6'2 Weight: 225

Position: Quarterback

Strengths: The guy is strong, we asked him to bench press and he lifted the entire gym with one arm. Fast too, clocked him, he ran around the world in 40 seconds. Has great experience in pressure situations, seems to be at his best when everything around him is falling apart.

Weaknesses: Seems like way too nice a guy, lacks a killer instinct and won't finish people off when he has the chance. Tends to attract trouble and he seems to go looking for it too. Has had repeated problems with the same people again and again. Seems to have a problem with green glowing rocks, so we'll have to do a medical exam on him later. I have to wonder if he'll get a swelled head at the next level as things seem way too easy for him.

Prediction: 1st round pick

Dora the Explorer Hometown: The land of make believe Height: 3'0 Weight: 20 oz soaking wet. Position: Kicker

Strengths: Female so the opposing team wouldn't touch her. Looks kind of young so maybe the opposing team will be too busy laughing at her.

Weaknesses: Lives in fantasy way too much. Never seen her deal with real problems makes you wonder if she'll go mental when things get rough. Not all that big or that tall, wonder if she's lying about her age. Wonder if she could take the beatings and physical abuse football players have to take. Doesn't seem like she's got a lot of real friends, so you wonder if she'll be able to function in a team environment.

Prediction: UDFA only if every kicker in the world gets wipped out.

Name: Chuck Norris Hometown: Hollywood California School: School of Hard Knocks

Position: Linebacker

Strengths: True knockout hitter, relentless pursuit of ball carrier. Got some good moves as far as seperating the offensive player from the ball, not to mention their senses. Really fast in pursuit, fast period. He knocked out about 5 guys in 10 seconds at the training facility.

Weaknesses: Age. Is a little long in the tooth (You tell him that though) Has had a repeated habit of getting into trouble. Like a lot of other prospects we've looked at, he seems to go looking for it. A little repetitive in his moves on the field, you look at one game tape of him, you've seen everything you need to see. There all the same. Stopped moving when someone yelled "Cut" Makes you question if he gets the terminology of the game.

Prediction: Late first round, early second round.

Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in Raymond James Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.

Name: Bullwinkle J. Moose
Born: Frostbite Falls, MN
College: Whatsamatta U.
Position: DL
Height: 7 feet
weight: 1600 lbs.
Strengths: Tremendous bullrusher at W.U.
Never gets lost in traffic
stubborn defender, cant be moved
Weaknesses: questionable work ethic, but did beat Vince Young in the Wunderlich test. Can be distracted by cow moose in heat.

How about these two?