DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Tailgate Forum Most redneckiest weddin'

This was my weekend:
After driving miles of country roads to a place called Pickrelltown, Ohio in Logan county, we arrive at the church. Our friend, the groom, is waiting outside (between his pickup truck and, get this: a TOILET just sitting in the middle of the field.)

After the less than classless cerimony where his truck driver mother (50 y/o boobs falling out of her dress) complains through most of it, and then storms out crying..... the entire wedding party drives off into the sunset on a John Deer tractor... owned and driven by the maid of honor. Might I add she was wearing a stunning pink formal dress with cowboy boots.

So by the time we all get to the FAIR GROUNDS for the reception, we think things between the mothers of the Bride and Groom have cooled off. Thank god for the fun country line dancin' and the gratefullness of the gifts (one gift was a real live GOAT by the way).

Well, the groom's mother gets drunk and starts a Jerry Springer fight with the other mother. One spectator claimed it was "hot enough to burn the hot off of Hell."

Needless to say... this is just a summary of the day's events. I'm still in shock about if it all really happened or not. All I know is the sherriffs in the county are some good ol folks.

Tell me you have pictures of this train wreck?

Only the ones in my head which will probably haunt me for the rest of my days.

Are they Bengal fans too? If so, that would explain why.

There's got to be at least 30 "You know you're a redneck when.." jokes in that post.

Bwahahahaha That's the funniest thing ever.

Sounds like a good time to me

I would have paid 50 bucks to have a lawn chair and a cooler full of cold ones and have watched that.. sounds entertaining..

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Logan county

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That shoulda told you right away OnB that you were in for a treat, thats one hick county.

LMAO, sounds like you had one heck of a time L You shoulda taken pictures for posterity...cuz that sounds like a once in a lifetime experience.

it just kept getting better as the night went on. I was sooo happy to get back to civilization! My appologies to Arch, but you can have my share of the country!

Sounds like a good time was had by all....

nordawg

I don't want to step on your story, but I have a matching story. I have a part of my family that is very redneck. Needless to say, I don't see them very often. A few years ago, I received a wedding invitation from that part of the family and one of my cousins was getting married. She was a year ahead of me in school, so I knew her a little bit, so I decided to go. I show up at the church about 20 minutes before the wedding in a three-piece suit, thinking it was normal wedding attire. I walk in and the bride's father is at the door wearing dress pants with a rip in the back of the leg and a white dress shirt, with the top four buttons undone and a large red stain on the pocket. He sees me, shakes my hand and says to me, "Hey, you're dressed better than I am, why don't you walk Susie down the aisle to give her away?". I decline and take a seat, already regretting going.

The wedding starts and the bride walks out in a nice white dress. However, she has sweat/dirt stains all the way down her arms and neck. It was a warm day, however I would have to believe that she simply hadn't showered on her wedding day, or else had been doing farm work that morning. Anyway, I chuckled and got an elbow to the ribs from my (now ex-) girlfriend. When it came time to give a gift to the parents, they opted to give them the sample boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. I laughed, another elbow, same spot. (Coincedentally, the father of the groom showed up in a baseball cap, NRA T-Shirt, short shorts and pantyhose... I never asked what was going on there...).

After the ceremony we were all handed the bottles of soap to blow bubbles as they walked out. The bride's mother was unaware what they were for, so when they walked out she, and two of her friends walked up and squirted the soap on the bride and groom. I had a very loud laugh, another elbow...

The best part though was at the reception. Each gift was taken with a question asking where the receipt was... We arrived to find the groom's brother had opted to skip the wedding to get an early start on the Subway six-foot long subs that they had brought in as the meal (I didn't laugh, I was actually a little impressed because he downed all but the final foot on his own...). To top it off, they then think it would be funny to throw the bride and groom in the lake at the campsite where the reception was held. I don't know if I can accurately describe this next part. They push them into the lake and most everybody laughs. My laughter is delayed to when I start seeing the bubbles arise from them splashing around (from where the soap had been squirted on them). The laughter is then stifled when people realize that neither the bride nor groom can swim. They are splashing around out there, literally for their lives. As it turned out, very few people there knew how to swim and my ex-girlfriend and I ended up having to jump in the lake to pull them out (me still in my wool suit and her in a very nice dress). We pull them out, everybody claps, and the bride's father offers me a drink. After this day, I knew I needed one, so I accepted. He hands me a paper cup (classy all the way...) full of Kool-Aid.

I can honestly say, that I have not spoken to anybody on that side of the family since that day. However, reading this story brought back that memory to me so vividly...

I don't know if my story tops yours or not, but reading your story brought that memory back for the first time in a few years probably...

I would have love to have been there to see that, grabbed a video camera, and had it running on You Tube ASAP.

I just have one question for ya: How exactly did you know these people? Your kin?

Log, that's one of the funnies things I've ever heard. Thanks for sharing that one.

Well I live less than a half mile from the Logan County Faigrounds. Had O&B given me a call,I would havve been glad to go up there and take some pictures.

I saw a Bellefountaine exit sign on the way and thought of you. Unfortunatley we didn't have time to stop over with all the fun filled events.

Log- good story! I feel for you! I'm glad I'm not the only one who's been subjected to this type of gathering.

Well,when you said the reception was "at the Fairgrounds" I thought it might have been "The Logan County Fairgrounds". Which is about four blocks east and four of five blocks south of me.


I would have loved to have witnessed this myself.

My "kin" isn't nearly that bad... I realized that yesterday.
My boyfriend used to work with the groom, that's our relationship.

I'm pretty sure it was Logan county fair grounds... Grange building or something like that? Across the street from some bowling alley... Now I really wish I would have called you. The baked beans and cole slaw were killer!

Well it sounds like an interesting night to say the least.

Were the bride and groom happy with their redneck wedding ?

If they were happy how were you effected? The day was for them, not to make you or anybody else happy.


KING

I would say that you are making this up...But I don't think anyone has that good of an imagination.

I'm eloping...so it won't be like....that *hee*

Well I don't want to shift blame or anything... but evidently you know these people well enough to have been invited to the wedding... which means you are either good friends with one of them or..... you're related. So fess up, which is it?


Either that or your judgment as a wedding crasher is the worst in history...

What?


The baked beans and cole slaw were great,remember?

That story brings back so many fun family memories.....

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Like I said, the groom was a co-worker of my boyfriend.

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Future brother in law .......

I understand you were just poking fun.

I just think weddings have gotten out of hand and people are spending waaaaaaaay to much on them just to impress others.

I read somewhere not to long ago that the average wedding in this country is now $30,000. That is crazy. When my ife and I got maried we set up a arch in the park and had a quick ceremony. It cost us the price of the arch that my wife and her sisters decorated and $75 for the minister.

We haad our reception at the hockey rink I was the manager at. We got the tables for free from the church that rented the place out to hold bingo on Thursdays nights. We set the tables up on the roller hockey rink.I think her parents spent about $700 on food.

Everybody had a blast.

King

I'm getting ready to go to a wedding where I know there will be too much money spent. Hell, between air fare and my room, I'm spending too much myself.

The last wedding I attended had open bar. The bride told me she paid $13,000 up front for the bar and would settle any difference later. Don't even want to know what her Mother spent on the 5 course meal. Yikes. Don't get me wrong, it was nice...just a bit too formal for my taste.

No kidding. You're both right. One wedding I went to last summer, her parent gave them a 40g budget! I would much rather spend the money on bills or a DP on a house!

I'm all about short, sweet, and cheap. Weddings are sooo overrated IMO. I hate them as much as funerals anymore.

Well,they're a lot alike O&B.

One is the beginning of a slow,painfull death. And the other one is the finalization of it.

My wife and I got married in a small chapel on (Ohio University) campus. We invited our parents and grandparents.

A few weeks later, we had a big cookout reception with friends and relatives.

Between the chapel, minister, and reception... we *may* have spent $300.

Of course, I have been "paying" for it for the past decade...

Hey OnB, I have a single brother if you want to attend another wedding like that one. Send him a picture and maybe he'll come over and "spark "you.