DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Everything Else... Teenage son and drugs - advice

My son is 16 - some of you may have even met him at tailgates. He's a great kid, little lazy, but what teenage boy isn't. He splits time between my house and his moms (every other week) and he's on vacation this week with his mom. He has quite a bit of freedom, probably a little too much. He basically has his own apartment at our house as it has a mother in law suite and he has friends over quite a bit as we live on 6 acres, have a regulation soccer net (all of his friends play soccer), and a nice game room in the basement with pool, ping pong, darts, video games, etc.

Anyhow, I was over in his room yesterday getting something, and laying right on his dresser was a vape pen. I don't really want him vaping (I do, but don't around him) but then I hit the button - it was pot. I can't believe he was dumb enough to just leave it on his dresser. It could be one of his friends, doubtful, but could be.

He gets back from vacation Friday, at which time we will have a talk. I'm struggling with what exactly to say/do. Obviously he is going to be grounded, car taken away, and he'll be doing a lot of yard work. A drug test will be waiting for him as well, though it may be pointless since it's been at least a week since he may have smoked. What I'm not sure to do is about his friends. They as well, for the most part, are good kids. He's been friends with most of them since elementary or middle school. I know them, and their parents, fairly well. The question is do I call them? I don't want my son labeled as "the bad kid", as if he's doing it I'm sure most of his friends are too. I don't want him ostracized from his friends as that will not help at all. Other concerns are, if one of them leaves the house when they are over (they all have cars and drive) and hurts themselves or someone else we'll be held liable.

I'm sure some of you on here have gone through similar situations with teenagers, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

A drug test might not be pointless...many drugs are out of your system within 3-5 days, however, marijuana, being lipid soluble, can stay in your system for up to a month depending on a bunch of variables (how much/often you smoke, how much body fat you have, how active you are, how fast your metabolism is, etc.).

I tend to think that Southpark had one of the best drugs perspectives I have come across...

Basically, drugs aren't going to get you anywhere.....you can't put your drugs experience on a resume. And at that age, it's very important that your son puts himself out there trying new things.....new jobs, new hobbies, new classes, new activities; because through all these experiences, he can hopefully find what he's interested in, what he's passionate about, and above all, what field he wants to pursue academically and occupationally.

Drugs are only going to take time away from these pursuits, and even though, at that age, it may seem like you have all the time in the world, you'll be an adult with real responsibilities before you know it.

If he's selling drugs.....then once again......you can be the best drug dealer in the world, but you can't put that on a resume...it's not going to provide any footing for climbing the corporate ladder.....and no matter how good you might be, it could all come crashing down with an unlucky traffic stop, or a deal gone wrong with dangerous people, people you are bound to run into at one time or another.....

With all this said....one joint isn't going to kill you......experimenting probably won't kill you.....

But in the end, all you are doing is wasting your time, time that at that age, could be much better spent rising above your peers, finding yourself, and figuring out what you want to do with your life.

ah ha...

here you go....

Stan: I've been told a lot of things about pot, but I've come to find out a lot of those things aren't true! So I don't know what to believe!

Randy: Well, Stan, the truth is marijuana probably isn't gonna make you kill people, and it most likely isn't gonna fund terrorism, but… well, son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored. And it's when you're bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or being creative. If you smoke pot you may grow up to find out that you aren't good at anything

Perfect! Short, to the point and on a level he'll understand. I'm sure that you, like me, have plenty of examples of people we grew up with to share with him.

Swish may or may not have some useful info for you from a user's perspective.

I wouldn't call the parents. That could be really rough on your son.

I don't think there is any right answer, but if it were me, I would not even drug test him. I wouldn't want to create an adversarial relationship.

I would just sit him down and talk to him. I would allow him to do most of the talking. Ask simple questions and get him to expound on his answers.

The big change I would make is w/his lifestyle. It sounds like he might have a bit too much freedom. I think you need to involve his mother and the two of you might want to think about setting up a more structured environment. Bad things usually come from idleness and not enough structure.

Of course, I am not an expert at all. You have to follow your heart and your head. Good luck.

I've had a few friends that went through the "mom found my stash and now they want to drug test me" thing. It didn't stop them. In most cases, they just hit the booze harder or switched to a different drug that will leave the system faster.

Vers said it all, sit down and talk to him. Be cool about it at first. We're living in a weird time. Pot is legal lots of places and that's a tough thing for the kids to understand.

You gotta see if you can understand his usage, which may be near impossible to gauge. If he's smoking in his room, listening to tunes and everything else is cool (school, attitude, athletics), let it roll but watch it closely. If he's losing control in other areas, that's a sign he can't handle it.

#1 for me, don't drink/smoke and drive. That's a killer (literally and legally).

It's going to be hard to sell the sober lifestyle to a teenager. I've been sober for quite a few years now and it's the best decision I've ever made (it was never a problem, but I didn't like how I was and what it looked like around my kid). Young adults won't see the need for that until, well, maybe a long time.

I'd push making good decisions, being open and honest, having real life goals, talk a sober lifestyle but don't enforce with an iron fist, hammer home keeping it clean behind the wheel, talk about addiction and it's problems and try to understand his world.

Good luck. I have an 11-year old, so I'm a few years behind you.

It's a much harder conversation to have now than it was twenty or thirty years ago. I mean if we're just talking weed here.

States across the nation are making it legal for medicinal use and some for recreational use. So trying to sell the idea of how harmful it is tends to fall on deaf ears. And rightfully so to a great degree.

I don't have any great answer for you. One thing I learned growing up is that there is no one pat answer for every child. Each person is different and the methods that work in relating to and reaching one kid doesn't necessarily work on some other kids. You know your child better than anyone else and as such, you would be the best judge of how to reach your child.

My only word of advice would be to not make it more serious than it is. Sure it's still illegal and to an even greater degree for minors. But it's not heroin or Xanax, or some major drug. It's weed. To be honest, the vast majority of kids try and/or smoke weed as they grow up. Many of them do not smoke it as adults. It's quite natural for children to experiment during their teen years.

My daughter smoked weed as a teenager and has never smoked it as an adult. She is a very successful professional and mother. I'm very proud of the woman she has grown up to be.

I explained to her how an arrest could seriously impact her moving forward in her life as it pertains to job opportunities. How in order to get most good jobs you must pass a drug test and how long weed can stay in your system. I gave her the information to make a good decision.

Sometimes making a huge issue out of things like this can damage your relationship with your child more than help the situation. And can build a wall between you and your child. One that can be a hard thing to rise above moving forward.

Now after saying all of that, I'm not saying that's advice you should follow. As I said before, you know your child better than anyone. But as for myself and my child, this is what worked for me.

Very few times I will say that something from Vers is good advice, but I tend to agree with a lot with this post.

I think you and your Ex should have a conversation about this first and foremost. She needs to be included in something this big.

I then think the sitting him down and talking this out as a FAMILY (just because you guys are not together doesn't mean you are not family anymore), and understand why he is doing it to begin with. When you understand the need he felt to do it, you can maybe come up with a alternate solution to that need.

If all else fails, you then take away everything he has and ground him until hes 18 - but that might not be the best "go to" right now.

Thanks for the responses! Some good things to think about. My wife and I were just tossing ideas out last night and the calling the parents came up as one idea that we really didn't like. Seems there is a consensus here as well not to do that.

More thoughts are certainly welcome!

Calling the friends parents can do a couple things:
1 - it could alienate your son from his friends, which in turn would alienate him from you as he would resent you for it.

2 - you already said they were good kids, it seems you have a good pulse on your son and his friends. If you were worried about them doing anything worse or knocking over a liquor store, then yes, I would call them. But I would worry about my son first and foremost as bad as that sounds.

3 - there is always the possibility that its your Son's vape, and not the friends, but your son could be saying its there's and not his - thus you just labeled him a snitch at school, and it could cause some major issues for him going forward.

I understand you wanting the other parents to be aware if their kids are into things.

Maybe, and I mean MAYBE say "hey I have heard some rumblings and I think we should all be on the lookout for certain behaviors". Don't say your son told you, or you found anything - just a "keep your eyes out and I will too" kind of thing to the other parents.

EDIT to add:

I would def make your son aware, whatever you decide - your sons friends are not be doing that in your house. That would be my rule - if you allow him to do it, fine. But his friends would not be allowed to do it in at your house with him. They are not your kids to allow them to be doing it there.

It's a tough deal but one nearly everybody goes through in one form or another.

First, I agree with Vers, don't call the other parents. You don't know who else might be smoking and who might not.

At that age kids are in a psychological battle with their parents. Just a part of growing up. Employ your own tactics. Send off for information to military academies and leave it in places where he will see it.

Don't worry, at least too much. Your kid is a good kid. Kids are under a lot of pressure at that age to be "cool" in the eyes of their friends.

You have the road map because you have been down the road. Just keep showing him the map.

There is a lot of good advice here. Having never been a parent, I'm not sure I'm qualified to advise further.

I think a lot of how you proceed depends on what kind/how good of a relation do you have with your son.

By that, I mean if confronting him is going to tear you 2 apart, well, confront him - check that - DISCUSS with him in a way that won't cause a rift.

From what you said, I guess the first thing is "is it his?". Progress from there.

Too much free time for kids - or adults many times - ends up being a bad thing. Does he have a job?

Unless you are super good friends with the other parents, now probably wouldn't be a great time to converse with them. Start at home. (and home means with his mother also. I have no idea the relationship you have with your ex, so keep that in mind.)

Is your kid honest and trustworthy? I ask, because when my daughter got busted for drinking this past year, she got called into the principal's office, with the Athletic director there as well. She was asked if she'd been drinking Sat. night. She said yes. Automatic 5 game suspension from the softball team. She was honest. As it turns out, the person that reported her, as well as the other 3 girls, had no proof. Just a hunch, and a vendetta. I've found that out since. The principal AND the A.D. both told me they appreciated her honesty. Sucked though.

I was asked, by the principal, a few weeks after all of that happened, if I knew where the alcohol came from. I was honest as well. "No. We don't even have wine coolers at our house. All we have is beer. The kind I drink, and the kind my wife drinks."


I found out later who bought it. There's some bitter irony there, but I won't discuss it on here, now.


Bottom line - talk to your son.

I'm wondering if finding the vape pen prompted a more thorough search of his room? Finding more "supplies", or not finding them might give you a better idea of the extent or degree of his involvement in this behavior. I would want to know if its a teenage dalliance/flirtation/isolated situation, or something he's really into. I also wonder if you've noticed any recent changes in his affect or habits? The last thing I'd want to know is where did it come from? Its illegal to sell vape supplies to teens, whether for weed or nicotine, so I'd want to be sure that some adult wasn't supplying my kid with a still illegal substance and a delivery system he's not supposed to have.

I wouldn't deign to advise on how to approach your son, but if I was in that situation, I would not want the moment to be confrontational, but more of a discussion between you, his mother, and him. I would just set the vape pen down and say "explain". Last, I don't think I would ground him, but I would make it clear that there would be some new rules; and that you were disappointed in his behavior.

Good luck.

There are no real "right ways" to address this, but I believe there are definitely wrong ways of dealing with it. I think Vers put forward some good thoughts and I agree with some/a lot of it.

I think it is also worth asking yourself this...How would you react if it were beer cans that you found in his room rather than a pipe/vape pen?

I understand that cannabis is still illegal in most States, however, it has been completely legalized in Canada and it is legal in several States. The National conversation w/weed is one that will most definitely see it legalized across the country in the very foreseeable future. I am sure the tobacco companies are already getting ready to swoop in and get involved! However, we still use that term "drug" when referencing it, yet we don't use that term when talking about alcohol. I am sure a lot of that perception is because in our lifetime alcohol has always been legal, yet weed has been illegal, counter cultural and once perceived as "dangerous". AND, let's not forget...it is definitely stronger than it ever was. This is no wild plant one is smoking...this is genetically modified to produce strains that are significantly stronger than anything one would stumble upon growing in the wild. So that alone raises very important conversations so that one knows what they are getting into before peer pressure is applied to them at a party etc.

My kids are now 19 & 21. We had all of these conversations and I am pleased to say neither smoke (not that I am against it - I used to smoke and many friends still do and I am pro-legalization. BUT, as a parent it is one less thing to worry about). Our 19 year old son has tried it, but he definitely doesn't smoke on a regular basis and I am pretty sure he more often than not declines when one passes it his way. I know this from open, transparent dialogue that we have on a regular basis and there is trust on both his and our part. Our daughter lives with 2 people who do smoke (remember, it's legal in Oregon), yet she has never smoked, doesn't like the smell, but she really likes the two people she lives with and accepts it that it is no different than if they were sitting around in the evening drinking. And, although she doesn't smoke I think she perfectly represents the new accepting attitude towards cannabis.

Wow, thanks for the great input. This board has so many great posters on it.

Dave - we plan on going through his room tonight. It could very well be a friends as I know at least 1 of them have been caught vaping by their parents.

PDX - you're right about the use of the term "drug". My reaction would be the same most likely with alcohol. I have no problem with people who choose to smoke, it's probably safer than alcohol anyhow.

Arch - he does not have a job at this point and soccer season starts August 1st. There is no way he can do soccer, school, and a job unless he finds one that lets him work only on weekends. I pay him to cut the lawn here and he does some stuff at his mom's office (they host kids b-day partys in a space they have on weekends).

I have a great relationship with my son. He does need more responsibility, which is my fault for not pressing it. Hopefully this will be a moment of realization he needs to get his act together. His grades really suffered last quarter, which is even more concerning now that we found the vape.

Oh, I understand the sports aspect of a kid not having a job. Between the seasons - practices, games, a kid really can't have a job. And off season, with weightlifting, conditioning, summer leagues, etc.

It's just different than it used to be.

That COULD be telling.

If your son really is a good kid, there is a strong chance he will just grow out of this at some point. I'm not suggesting you do nothing, but I wouldn't be all excited about it as long as you are convinced he isn't trying anything harder.. or doing it before or at school.. or anything like that.

I had the same run in with my son when he was 17... I never drug tested him, but I bought one and put it in the closet and he knew it was there and that I could pull it out any time I wanted. I threw it away after it expired.. One of the differences was, I found my son's stuff in the door pocket of his car, that part I was VERY unhappy about... I discussed with him that if he got pulled and they smelled it or suspected it and found that.. he would be in deep crap.. plus the fact that if he was doing it and driving I would sell his car, I ain't playing with that.

He's 22 now and I'm not 100% convinced he still doesn't do it from time to time.. but he has a decent job that he likes, he's getting promoted, he's respectful, he's more anal than me about things like designated drivers and stuff like that.. if he would clean his damn room once in a while I would have almost no complaints... (he moved out for a while then came back)...

The biggest thing my wife and I discovered in the whole series of events, which I think you should try to dig into, is the WHY? My son, who is talkative and seems quite easy going, had a ton of pent up anxiety about life in general and this was his coping mechanism... so I would suggest that in your discussion with him, you try to get to the WHY he thought he needed this... and I wouldn't settle for the typical teenage boy answer of "I don't know, everybody else does it."

Good luck bro.

Ditto from me. Except for the 'not giving advice' part.
But I won't offer much.

Don't don't call his friend's parents yet.If it was a harder drug, I'd be all over that - not to say that just because it's 'only' pot, you shouldn't be concerned.

Good luck, I'm interested to see how things go.

My last word my friend. I have had many trying times in my life, but it always worked out. I suspect it has for you as well, and will this time.

Just saying

Seeing as that cap is almost legal, you might do well with an everything in moderation speech. The other thing would be to let him know how much this could hold him back in life. Just about every job with heavy equipment drug tests, and many higher paying jobs do too. It could hold him back for security clearances, or bonded type jobs. The pot nowadays is also more potent than in my younger days, and I think it's more 'addictive', in a habitation sort of way. I find it makes people lazy, and makes the stupid stupider.

Lots of companies, mine included, do random drug tests. It reduces their Workman's Comp insurance rates significantly to be certified as a "drug-free" workplace by complying with state laws regarding random testing.

Pot-smokers who are lazy, were lazy before they ever smoked weed.

That's my general observation, from knowing a few. There's always exceptions though.

I would like to expound on my earlier post and the posts of some others. Lot's of good advice thus far.

--The reason I don't believe in calling the other parents and having him drug tested is that you might alienate him to the point where his young mind views the situation as almost like you are the police and he is the criminal. That's not healthy.

--The reason I would not give a lengthy lecture is because kids tune out authoritative lecturing. They want someone to see them as an equal or even more-so, a person who doesn't need to be told what to do at all times by a superior figure.

--Adding on to that, think about how psychiatrists deal w/their patients. Do they rant? Do they lecture? Do they monopolize the conversation? No man, they ask leading questions that are intended to get their patient to open up. Self-discovery is important. My advice is that you may want to research some good questions. I'm sure they are out there.

--This one is somewhat tough for me to ask, but are there troubling issues between you and his mother? Are there open disagreements? Hostility? Snide comments? If so, I wold recommend the two of you coming together and agreeing to put your differences aside in the name of doing what is best for your son. This could be an eye-opener for both of you.

--This is another tough that you have to ask yourself. Are all the freedoms and great places like his own suite in the house w/all the gaming equipment a good idea? Is it a way to keep him happy while you do your thing? Is it that you feel guilty for the divorce/separation and are trying to give him as much as you can?

--I hope those two things do not come across as rude, but it's just so common. I've seen it so many times in my line of work.

--One last thing, when you talk to your son and allow him to do most of the talking........I would recommend that you make it very clear how much you love him and how willing you are to ensure that he can become the best version of himself that he possibly can. So again, this should not be an adversarial meeting, but one that is designed to bring you closer together. Set up some sort of schedule. Not overly demanding, but something where he has some sort of schedule, tasks, goals, and duties. Schedule in some free time where he can just be a freaking kid, but I do think he may need structure.

Good luck.

You in a writing mood tonight? You're like Mary Kay, but smart about football.

Good advice, and don't call the po-po unless necessary.

LOL..............I'm a talker, bro. I talk to all kinds of people all the time. There are times that my wife and/or kids say how do you know that guy. I say, I didn't. We were just talking. Hell, I was a damn teacher and coach. I talk my ass off. Look at my damn post count.

Back to the thread.......I kinda feel bad about those questions. They may sound accusatory. I didn't intend them as such. Only Columbus knows. It gives him something to think about. If those troubling questions are not an issue, lets move on to the next set of criteria.

It's always best to approach a problem logically and then allow the emotion to come in later rather than to react emotionally and discover it's too late to act logically.

My wife and I are going thru the same thing with our 16 year old daughter so the advice offered so far is very much appreciated. It is crazy the world these kids live in now compared to what I grew up in.

Vaping has changed teenagers IMO ... its considered the norm in high school, or at least accepted. It could be that he thinks it’s normal and not a big deal ... truth be told, we don’t really know the true effects of vaping yet so it’s tough to show consequences.

Punishment probably isn’t the way to go ... I’m with those who have told you to talk with him honestly

I agree, we are not going to do that.


I agree for the most part. I've rarely lectured him, usually ask him why he did/is doing something.


Good idea searching for questions. I liked Dave's suggestion of just sitting him down, setting the vape down, and say "explain". Let him do so, stay calm and ask some leading questions and let him do the talking


Not at all. We of course have our disagreements, but we are still friendly to each other, always have been. We felt that to be extremely important when we got divorced 11 years ago. We never have disagreements in front of him.


I don't feel guilty at all. She's the one who wanted it, not me. I want to give him as much as I can because I can. I've had my share of success through hard work. My parents did the same for me (as much as they could, I can do more), though I would say I had a bit more structure, which I am going to be changing with him. I was much like him when I was younger but luckily found my passion. I hated school, did awful even though I'm fairly intelligent. I somehow graduated college with all of the partying I did. I have a VERY difficult time concentrating on things I find useless and boring - to sum it up, I graduated college with a 2.8 and a had a 4.0 in my major because I loved it.


Absolutely not. My mom was a teacher for 30 years at inner-city schools in Toledo, a lot of it in severe behavior and learning disability classes. She dealt with parents who treated school as free daycare. She helped many along the way, which made it rewarding to her - one student from a 2nd grade class she taught even mentioned her in her valedictorian speech at graduation as the reason she turned herself around. My mom didn't even remember her, but she invited her to her graduation to hear the speech. I have the utmost respect for teachers, underpaid and under-appreciated.


That's the plan. Saturday will be the day, he gets back late Friday from vacation and has a 2 soccer games for school in the morning. The conversation will be occurring after that.

He does tend to bottle things up. He is a very emotional, caring kid. He thinks a lot differently than most kids his age, always has. He is very mature for his age and quiet and easy going. I'm along the lines he's got something pent up inside he just won't talk about, or he's just trying to act "cool" around his friends. I'm hoping he will finally talk this weekend about any troubles he is having.

It sounds to me like the family structure is strong and sound. I can also see that you have a good head on your shoulders and are a reasonable man.

This might not be a big deal at all. He's 16. That's a tough age for a lot of kids. I was crazy as hell around that age. My daughter had a bit of a rough spurt when she 15-16. She wrote me a letter at graduation that was very nice. In that long letter, she said she didn't know how I put up w/her when she was that age. She said that she didn't even know who she was. LOL What I am clumsily trying to say is that your son smoking a little pot might not be a big deal at all.

The only concerns I have are his grades went down, he is a quiet and introspective kid, and his abundance of freedom. Something could be going on inside him, just like you said. I feel very confident that you are going to do a great job of handling this situation. I'm not saying that because my opinion means anything, but sometimes as parents, we need a little pat on the back. It's a damn tough job.

PS: I loved the story about your mother. Stuff like that warms my heart.

Crap ! Does this mean he can't sit next to me at the games anymore ? Wife ? Saint has a heart attack ?... Holy hell I'm about ready to Vap ! LOL


Your son is awesome and so are you.. I guess I have to include the wife now Look brother... Pot is being legalized... His generation is in the middle of it all.

He's been tailgating with us since he was what 9 ? He has seen a lot and I'm pretty sure he knows what can happen if it's abused... Like that stupid edible I accidentally took last tailgate of last season

Best advice I can give you is... give me his stash.. Seriously... Take a deep breath..think back on things... look at everything he has done on the good. Then calmly welcome him home.. make him feel nothing is wrong.. because really nothing is... he's growing up and making decisions. That's what we all did and still do.

When you feel calm and feel in control of your feelings..Talk to him... not at him..but to him...like you do everything else. It's just another situation..One your shocked at and not used to..But it's just a situation.. Like talking to him about soccer or driving or girls or whatever daily life events you have.

Listen to him.. let him feel comfortable to tell you. Having your trust will be the best for him and you. Discuss it.. be open minded... As you talk and understand his decision .. you will then know how to handle everything.

I've known you for a long time..I trust you will handle this just fine.. I truly hope you can accept his growing up and making decisions won't always be easy . But being a good listener and giving him a reason to trust and confide in you will keep him talking to you then taking advice from ones who may not have his best interests in mind.

And then there's always this... I could talk to him on the low....

Hope it turns out okay..I trust it will.. Because I trust in you !

You married one of those young girls you hung out with?


Good deal!

Or, say you grab him by the scruff of the neck, put that vape thing up in his grill, and tell him you don't ever want this to happen again? Or there will be consequences.

I'm mostly kidding, but whatever happened to old-school parenting?

Just throwing that out there, not questioning your methods of course.

I think a couple things;
Like another said-put it out and ask him to explain and just talk about it and just talk-if he is a good kid you don't have to regress to a screaming match.

Did he start doing something different around the same time his grades started to suffer-new friends is a biggie or turning away from really good old friends or spending lots more time "just chilling in my room"

If he is starting soccer in August-Do they drug test him for school?

Maybe put on something like Live PD. That show doesn't seem to go more than 20-30 minutes before somebody gets arrested for possession or driving under some influence and explain that it is different now-with checkpoints and saturation patrols, the cops are everywhere and you are taking a chance that could alter your whole future-

Son you want me to trust you right? You know this crap won't fly in my house. What are you going to do to earn my trust back?

That is the approach I would take. You offer him a stress free zone atm. He needs to understand what he stands to lose if he won't follow your house rules. If your scared to offend your kids you will never be a parent. Kids test boundaries so they can figure out how far they can go and see what they can get away with. When they run into a boundary that you enforce they will bow up and hit it harder till they understand that your serious.

It doesn't matter if the world has a positive or negative view about pot and drugs. What matters is what the law says and what you believe is right. If you don't want it in your house that is the only reason you need. It's YOUR house. Your child needs to respect that. Chances are that how you run your house is how your son will eventually run his house because kids don't follow what you say but follow what you DO.

It's not my place to tell you how to live your life. It's your job to know what you want for yourself and yours and then enforce your beliefs so that your kids respect and understand your rules for home.

It's almost impossible to control kids outside of home so it's even more important that home is rock solid and not left up for debate. Kids hate it at first but as they mature they always appreciate growing up in a home where they know their boundaries and that if they go to far then there is a price to pay. They better learn it from you too because the law won't forgive them later on when they don't know how to control themselves.

I always tell my kids they don't have to worry about the law because I'm going to get them loooong before the law does. They know and understand exactly what I mean too. Because they know it they have the confidence to tell idiots NO. Why? Do you even know what my Dad would do to me if I got into that stupid crap? Just no thanks!

Because they follow my rules I spoil them rotten too. They do chores then they get paid for em. They break house rules then they get punished for it.

They real trick to it is to not patronize them or provoke them. Just be straight and to the point. Be crystal clear so there is no wiggle room or confusion. don't insult their intelligence and don't take it personally. Don't get riled up or angry when they bow up. Just be calm like the judge at a trial.

It's your house man so run it how YOU want to run it. Otherwise your kid will run it for you the way he wants and that almost always leads to disaster.

Hey Columbus, I just did a quick search about questions you can ask your teen if you suspect they are using drugs. I don't know if any of these sound good to you, but here are a couple of sites for reference:

https://casapalmera.com/blog/how-to-ask-your-teens-about-partying-and-drugs/


https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-when-you-think-theyre-using-drugs/

Well lets see, "Old School" Parents have been doing that for years, and we currently have a drug epidemic in our country. I guess that line of thinking has been proven to not work based on results, no?