I am not a parent, and I have never been one ..... but it seems to me that your son has an incredible amount of freedom with regards to his living arrangements.
I would sit down with him and just let him know that this arrangement has responsibility attached to it. Explain what you found, and discuss it. Maybe he has to move back into a bedroom in the main part of the house as a consequence? Maybe he has to pass a monthly drug screen to allow him to stay in the MIL suite?
Just a few possibilities.
Micah 6:8; He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.
John 14:19 Jesus said: Because I live, you also will live.
I had a student/player who was basically living on his own for his Senior year ... own apartment, car payments, job outside of school/basketball, serious girlfriend, etc.
He was a very good student, player, and person. But, I did see a “slippage” in things when he moved out. Not necessarily that he wanted it to occur, I just could sense he didn’t have structure and guidance outside of school.
"First down inside the 10. A score here will put us in the Super Bowl. Cooper is far to the left as Njoku settles into the slot. Moore is flanked out wide to the right. Chubb and Ford are split in the backfield as Watson takes the snap ... Here we go."
I am putting all this advice and wisdom in my mental Rolodex because I am sure I will have these conversations in the future because my daughter is pretty sneaky for a 6-year-old.
One thing our school system implemented for this upcoming year is that if you are involved in any after school activities then they require drug testing.
We are hoping this may help some as it seems like vaping has become an epidemic in our community. My daughter said kids are doing it at their lockers in between classes.
There has been some really good advice on this thread and I appreciate it as we are struggling with it with our 16 year old daughter.
Raising teenagers in this day in age is not easy but I am sure my parents probably said the same thing with me.
Sounds like you have a good son and you are a good father so I am sure everything will work out fine with time.
"First down inside the 10. A score here will put us in the Super Bowl. Cooper is far to the left as Njoku settles into the slot. Moore is flanked out wide to the right. Chubb and Ford are split in the backfield as Watson takes the snap ... Here we go."
So had my chat with my son on Sunday. He fessed up to it, no need for a drug test but I'll keep it on hand, and he knows it, as DC suggested. He seemed remorseful and said he made a bad choice. He seemed sincere, but we'll see.
We talked about adding more structure and laying off the video games a bit. He's in the process of deep cleaning/decluttering his living area and has been receptive to helping out more with the yard work (I've got 6 acres, so there's plenty to do). He's out mowing the lawn right now. He said more structure would be good, we'll see how it goes.
So no grounding, but no friends over for a while. The person whose vape it was is not allowed over anymore. Not one of his really good friends, so it was easy to tell him that.
anyways, i was following this thread, taking notes. i never got busted by my parents for smoking (got lucky), but im sure ill run into that situation with one of my daughters.
“To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.”
Great outcome IMO ... he probably responded as best as he could, as did you.
Hope it works out!!
"First down inside the 10. A score here will put us in the Super Bowl. Cooper is far to the left as Njoku settles into the slot. Moore is flanked out wide to the right. Chubb and Ford are split in the backfield as Watson takes the snap ... Here we go."
anyways, i was following this thread, taking notes. i never got busted by my parents for smoking (got lucky), but im sure ill run into that situation with one of my daughters.
Lol they know I do now. But I only tried it twice in high school. For the most part I wasn’t around it and didn’t go looking for it, thankfully.
“To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.”
I was going to PM you about this because we haven't heard anything. I was worried it didn't go well and I didn't want to ask you about in front of the entire board.
I'm really happy that this went well for you, Columbus. I think you did a great job. It's a process and you will need to stay diligent, but you are doing a great job in my opinion.
Good luck with this. Taught high school for almost all my career. Offering solid advice and honest concern while sharing the work is solid. Kids won't be helped unless they choose to be.
Always told students, "I will always want what is best for you, and I will offer my best advice."
Sometimes it mattered; others, it was ignored. But I always trusted them until I couldn't. Listen a reasonable amount of time. Prayers for all.
"Every responsibility implies opportunity, and every opportunity implies responsibility." Otis Allen Glazebrook, 1880
Good post Bard. That’s my stance too. At that age, it’s very tough to get them to do what you want ... unless they want it too
"First down inside the 10. A score here will put us in the Super Bowl. Cooper is far to the left as Njoku settles into the slot. Moore is flanked out wide to the right. Chubb and Ford are split in the backfield as Watson takes the snap ... Here we go."
Glad to hear it went well!!! Make sure you give him chances to EARN back your trust. If he has to earn it then he won't want to lose it so fast in the future. Kids like to be trusted and respected.
You can't fix stupid but you can destroy ignorance. When you destroy ignorance you remove the justifications for evil. If you want to destroy evil then educate our people. Hate is a tool of the stupid to deal with what they can't understand.
Thanks. This is one of the hardest bits to do. At any time, especially like these situations, your love for kids means you have to care about them more than they care about themselves while making bad decisions. At least for a time. Never doubt that they are monitoring you. But honest willingness to be part of the thick of it counts. That love doesn't mean you have to be stupid or blind, just open and there, all the time. More prayers, I wasn't quite done, but hope the kid figures it out soon.
"Every responsibility implies opportunity, and every opportunity implies responsibility." Otis Allen Glazebrook, 1880
I agree with you there. When you live by what you preach kids know it. If you say one thing and do another then they know that too. The importance of childhood is being able to make mistakes and learn from them while hopefully surviving without too much injury.
You can't fix stupid but you can destroy ignorance. When you destroy ignorance you remove the justifications for evil. If you want to destroy evil then educate our people. Hate is a tool of the stupid to deal with what they can't understand.
Perhaps I am misunderstanding, but I have read your posts before on other subjects and I want to say this.
Columbus came on here w/honest intentions and asked for help. He did not ask to be lectured or to listen to some high and almighty opinion.
It's his freaking son, for crying out loud. It's not some damn clinical study or some crazy religious ideology. It's his son. A son that he loves very much.
Show some freaking compassion instead of concentrating on making the world believe what you believe!
And I am sorry for the rant, but I think Columbus displayed a lot of guts and character by coming on here and talking about this very personal issue. He deserves our compassion.
Perhaps I am misunderstanding, but I have read your posts before on other subjects and I want to say this.
Columbus came on here w/honest intentions and asked for help. He did not ask to be lectured or to listen to some high and almighty opinion.
It's his freaking son, for crying out loud. It's not some damn clinical study or some crazy religious ideology. It's his son. A son that he loves very much.
Show some freaking compassion instead of concentrating on making the world believe what you believe!
And I am sorry for the rant, but I think Columbus displayed a lot of guts and character by coming on here and talking about this very personal issue. He deserves our compassion.
I wasn't intending to offer anything other than my own experiences as a father. I don't recall even talking about God. I certainly wasn't being judgemental.
I quote myself" It's not my place to tell you how to live your life. It's your job to know what you want for yourself and yours and then enforce your beliefs so that your kids respect and understand your rules for home."
Can you be more specific to what has offended you especially since I went out of my way to leave religion out of it.
You can't fix stupid but you can destroy ignorance. When you destroy ignorance you remove the justifications for evil. If you want to destroy evil then educate our people. Hate is a tool of the stupid to deal with what they can't understand.
lol me either I wanna be a lazy kid again someday =P
You can't fix stupid but you can destroy ignorance. When you destroy ignorance you remove the justifications for evil. If you want to destroy evil then educate our people. Hate is a tool of the stupid to deal with what they can't understand.
I'm glad it sounds like it went well and I think the softer approach was the best way. Structure and keeping busy are the primary reasons I didn't get in much trouble in high school. I was too darn busy and I knew if I did get in big enough trouble, I would be removed from sports.. that was enough of a motivator.
Follow-up advice: Check in with him pretty regularly, especially in the beginning and if things seem to be going well you can make it less frequent.. non-confrontational, ask him how "it" is going.. since he was honest with you, you need to make sure you are even more open with him.. ask him if he's been tempted or how things are with his friends, remind him that if he is tempted, it's ok, just come talk to you about why he thinks he is tempted to do it again...
