DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Tailgate Forum Most Unfair Thing About Life

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time - and what do you get at the end of it? Death.
What's that, a bonus?
I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should start out dead. Get it out of the way.
You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day.
You eventually get kicked out for being too healthy and go collect your pension.
When you're too young to be retired anymore, you get a job - and on your first day they give you a gold watch.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You're promiscuous, you drink alcohol, you party - so you'll know all the pitfalls and can be more responsible when you get to high school.
You end high school as a freshman and get to make fun of all the seniors who are just starting.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities.
You become a baby, and then get to spend your last nine months floating peacefully with all the luxuries of a five-star hotel - central heating, spa, room service on tap, and larger quarters every day.
And finally, you finish your life as an orgasm.

Doesn't this make more sense?

Attributed to comedian Sean Morey

Mork from Ork?

um isn't this frm sinefield....i have this exact quote cept it says "george castanza(sp?)" weird...it does sound like somethin he would say

more rants this one is my fav too

"Ladies you know that guy friend you have that you like. That you really like. But not in that way. THATS WRONG. If a guy hangs out with you, he likes you. If hes willing to talk and listen to you, spend time and OFFER to spend time he likes you. Its simple.

To us thats like going into a Job Interview and having the employer go "Wow, this resume, it's astounding. You have everything we're looking for Sense of humor, kindness, generosity, you treat us well, wow. This, this is the best resume Ive ever seen. But we're not gonna hire you. I'll probably hire someone who has none of these qualities and has a drinking problem. But do you mind if we call you to complain about the guy we did hire? But this resume, its fantastic We're actually gonna keep it on file to compare all the other resumes to"


The Buffalo Theory
"Well ya see, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Caution to lady dawgs...this isn't me saying'...it's jus somethin i found..don't shoot the messenger

Women and their mouth
First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing.
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth.