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20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed In Preparation For Valentine's Day

WASHINGTON—Flushed with anticipation and ready to emerge from another long, cold winter, millions of Americans participated this week in the annual tradition of trimming their pubic regions in time for Valentine’s Day.

A ritual as old as time itself, this year’s pubis-shearing is expected to be among the largest in decades, with more than 20,000 tons of curly clippings predicted to fall by Feb. 14.

“My boyfriend and I are going to see As You Like It and then enjoy a nice candlelit three-course dinner,” said Brooklyn resident Lydia Simonson, who along with many other hopeful lovers will soon excuse herself from her daily duties, retreat to a nearby bathroom, and carefully tend to the area around her genitalia. “It’s going to be so romantic!”

Indeed, tiny scissors and electric razors have already begun to fly off drugstore shelves, while all across the country legs are dangling precariously over open bathtub drains. According to statistics from the National Depilatory Council, the week before Valentine’s Day is by far the busiest time of the year for shaving, trimming, sculpting, playful pattern-making, waxing, and even manscaping.

“David and I are going to take a long walk around the park and then maybe on the way home we’ll stop and grab some ice cream,” said Julie Stibbons, a Dallas-area design consultant who recently made use of grooming shears, a pair of tweezers, and two magnifying mirrors to contribute her 0.4 ounces to the nation’s total raw tonnage. “I wonder if David will send me flowers at work like last year.”

Added Stibbons, whose smooth vaginal region will show no signs of stubble for days to come, “He’s just so wonderful.”

While this year promises to be prolific, experts said the country has gone through many personal grooming phases over the years. In 1947, the first year records were kept, Americans only mowed about 1.25 tons off their “crotch lawns,” while in the mid-1970s private trimmings were so rare that documentation was actually abandoned until 1981.

But with the booming economy of the 1990s, the U.S. saw a significant resurgence in pre–Valentine’s Day shearing and plucking.

“There’s a huge spike every year in the first half of February,” said Brooks Watson, who is head of sales at Schick, makers of the TrimStyle razor for women. “The rest of the year, Americans generate about 50,000 tons of total trimmings, but in the week before this special holiday we see a massive jump. It’s a veritable clear-cutting down there.”

“Bzzzzzzzz,” he added. “Timber!”

According to Schick’s marketing research, during the Valentine’s season, U.S. pubic hair removal rates briefly approach those of Brazil, traditionally the smoothest country on the planet. While Americans seem willing to chop it all off for their annual celebration of romance, personal trimming still varies by season, and plummets to levels almost as low as Greece’s during the week of Thanksgiving.

“If I trim the shrubs, the tree looks bigger,” said Jeremy Wertz of Boise, ID, standing in front of his hall mirror with a pair of scissors taken from his employer’s supply closet. “See? Worth the itching, if you ask me.”

While many consider the practice a time-honored tradition, not all Americans share Wertz’s enthusiasm.

“I’m not going to let corporate America dictate the date or time at which I choose to groom my genitals,” said Denver resident Marcus Shannon, adding that Valentine’s Day was “invented by the razor industry” to sell grooming devices. “If you really love somebody, you should shave your pubes year-round.”

Meanwhile, National Depilatory Council director Donna Spaulding said the sudden nationwide surge in follicular concern is understandable, but she urged caution.

“We all want to look good and feel desirable, but it’s important to keep things in perspective,” Spaulding said. “In the end, you want people to love your pubic region for what’s inside, not just for how it looks.”

https://www.theonion.com/20-000-tons-of-pubic-hair-trimmed-in-preparation-for-va-1819571323

Interterrestial interspecies gay porn that won a Hugo award

Whaaaaaat

J/C:

Can't get the video to play, but that stuff is nothing more than hot dog sauce with cinnamon in it that they dump on spaghetti noodles.

that sounds nasty af.

Not sure if he'll bark- or invade Ukraine...


[img]https://external-preview.redd.it/yO...9a66a132eec83ce208ea085277a511462abdbfe1[/img]

It actually tastes pretty good, and is cheap. Calling it chili is a travesty, IMO... but oh well. I don't mind it at all, but I'll never understand the cult-following it has down here.

They sel the Skyline brand in the frozen food section. I thought I would try it one day. It was disgusting.

My brother is from your neck and loves it. I think it's that "something to call our own" bias. Reminds me of the west coast "In 'n Out" bias for crappy burgers whose only redeeming quality is there are so many sheep in line that it will inevitably be fresh.

I buy this all the time. You have to add your own cheese and onions .Love the stuff.

Ugh. It is sickenly sweet flavored.

Not a fan either. They opened up a Skyline Chili resaraunt in Toledo about 20yrs ago, it didn't last long.

Yo- ain't you heard? It was the Polish Mafia behind all that bidniss.

1. Before the joint even opened up, they started a local anti-Skyline propaganda campaign. Poisoned the well before the poor bastiges even got a foothold.
2. Payed off city inspectors to slow-walk the permits, leading to start-up cost overruns. Fools were behind the 8-ball from the get-go.
3. Once the place opened, they sent in the "safe neighborhood business tax assessors" to collect twice the usual rate. Weekly, instead of monthly.

Those boys from Cincy figured it out real quick. They had no stomach for the way The Game is run up north.

Them Packos are for real. That Family ain't playin'.
They will supply ALL your 'doggz+toppings' needs. No need to look anywhere else, son.

Yep, I find skyline disgusting. Two of my kids love it. I don't get it at all. Different tastes.

j/c:

Then you have to determine, is it "handjob" or "hand job"?

On the importance of punctuation:

"It's time to eat, Grandma."
"It's time to eat Grandma."

Details matter.

That's a boulder. Not a block.

j/c:



No entourage is safe in Cleveland during the All-Star Game festivities.

They say a picture tells a thousand words. That one says a lot.

Hawkins is a treasure.

"Day 60"
It is March 1st, the 60th day of the Calender year, and in leap years today would be February 29th.
Is it March 1st, or is it, February 29th, it is the 60th day since New Years, and because February 29th does not exist every year, but is Real, Day 60 is the perfect day to recognize the favorite Giant Creature of lore roaming around in the Forests of North America, Bigfoot, Sasquatch, of whom I'd bet at least 20% of Americans believe in it's existence. (but 4 outta 5 are hope it really isn't out there.)

Given the American population long since passed 300 million, 20% believing would be over 60 million people.
60 Million people! Today is February -- March 1st, it's Day 60 friends. Sasquatch day! Go grab some beef jerky, and watch "Harry and the Hendersons" and Scan the forests a little bit harder as you pass by!

I was just coming here to post this.

He really is.

Surprised this hasn't been shown yet.



And no, I do not follow "MAGAJew" on twitter. It was "MAGAIrishman" that retweeted it.

Ooops!

Wow… funny though.

I think the funnier bit is the co-anchor's face flash by during the clip. Try to pause it and see the "Oh, crap!" look on his face.

[facepalm]

What do you see at first glimpse.....?

https://www.the-sun.com/lifestyle/2274048/optical-illusion-answer-personality/