I'M ALIVE
I survived yesterday (however I am still sprinting to the bathroom every hour
)
My wonderful meal started out by carving a brick of mashed taters out of my mother-in-laws cement mixing troff. After several attempts at chiseling a hole in the middle of the brick, I gave up and tried to just mash the suckers flat so I could drown them in some of the lovely lightly colored water that was on the table. Big mistake
I chipped a nail, and damn near dislocated my elbow trying to mash those things down with a fork. I asked my father-in-law if I could borrow a shovel and sledgehammer to work on them, but he had already called 1st dibs.
I was smart enough to pass on her stuffing (there were no straws to drink it with anyway) I did however make the mistake of grabbing a hunk of turkey. I knew I was in trouble when dust flew as it hit my plate. At this point it attempted to moisten it up with some of that lightly colored water. yep you guess it...... a futile attempt
It took me 20 min, and a 16 oz diet coke to choke and gag that sucker down. But on the bright side it only took 1/2 of another 16 oz diet coke to get the burnt taste out of my mouth after chipping a tooth on one of her burnt rolls. It's safe to say the generic corn was the best part of the so called meal, even if I had to spoon some butter out of the tub to drown it in. (She had left the tub close to her gas stove while cooking and melted the butter into liquid. Her home made mush (aka noodles) were the same pasty bland pile of mush as the years before and brought back many non favorite memories. As far as the rest of the swill being served I passed on it (hey I'm stupid but I'm not crazy)
Anyway I'm still alive and even though I could swear she has to be Montizuma's twin sister. I have lots of Ultra Charmin mega rolls to see me thru. (I already threw two rolls in my car to take to work today.)
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That will show that steeler lover mother-in-law 
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My mom did an excellent job cooking and I felt bad for her b/c we weren't all together. My stupid ass brother decided he didn't want to follow her time table for eating and didn't come till way later, after we were all gone. i felt so bad b/c I could see she was upset. I wish I could punch him in the mouth for that,,she worked so hard on the food and just wanted us all together. We are all so busy and this is one time we all can hang out together and his ungrateful ass ruined that 
I can't stand him anymore.
