DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Everything Else... Goofy Immortal 2

A teacher was experimenting with learned behavior and how children learned to repeat what they were taught to be true one day. So she spread out a pack of fruit flavored Life Savers and asked them what their flavors were according to their colors. As we all know Life Savers don't actually taste like fruit so she was interested to hear their replies. One by one the students identified their flavors according to each color of Life Saver. Red was cherry. Yellow was lemon. Green was lime and orange was orange.

Next the teacher handed the a new flavor of Life Savor flavor she felt the children may have never seen or tasted before. It was a rather bland color. The flavor was honey. She asked if they could identify the flavor and since none of them had ever seen or tried them before, none of them could identify it.

So the teacher told them she would give then a hint. "It's something you may sometimes hear your mother call your father."

One little girl raised her head and a look of horror quickly filled her face as she immediately spit out the Life Saver. "Oh my God they're assholes!" she screamed.

Did not see that coming, lol, damn near spit my lunch on the wall in front of me

a classic.

j/c

Perhaps not "Goofy Immortal"........
........perhaps nuts.

Jed Corliss........Grinding The Crack

Amazing.

And yes- goofy af.
...and also nutzasfk.

A woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.

She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.

She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."

"But I didn't use them."

'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."

"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."

"Well, we have them, and you could have."

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.

"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"

"That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."

"But I didn't!"

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

He most certainly was.

What a poster boy he appears to be.

I remember that kick. When I saw the replay I said “that was in”.
Glad the officials reversed it, made up for Bottlegate.

Funny

Not really goofy/Immortal, but imo, certainly nuts.....

Jeb Corliss......Grinding The Crack

OMG!

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.

I love local ads.
Love local news when I travel, as well.

Both really give you a feel for the environment you're in.

Small-sh towns like the one I came from are the absolute best. Dorks, dolts and dummies that we saw everyday in school are now on our TV's at 11:30 PM.
We get to laugh at them all over again.

And some can be really charming, too.
We have a currently-running local ad that features a family-owned vacuum cleaner repair/resale shop. All of them are in the ad, and they really sell their roles. At the end of the commercial, they all say the tag line, in chorus:

"All of our products really [b]suck!"[/b]


I'll take that over a slick Madison Avenue ad any day.

.02

Toledo's had some great ones. The Brondes brothers smashing cars, Janney's Hardware....the upside down place. And Clem, remember this one? Not selling anything, no contact information, but played so much that everybody in the area knew what "Carlo Sommer here..." was.

NW Ohio people might remember "Oops, Ollie overbought" for an ad for some appliance store. I still say that sometimes.

For years I thought the Trunk Monkey commercials were a north western Ohio thing. Later, found out it was actually syndicated from Portland, Oregon… But what a great ad and nostalgia.

This is why mail in voting is a thing.