DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Palus Politicus Political Jokes Pt. 4

A dedicated union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the brothels nearby. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madame, "Is this a union house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't." "Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The house gets $80 and the girls get $20." Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madame responded, "Why yes sir, this IS a union house." The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20." "That's more like it!" the union man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her for the night." "I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madame, then, gesturing to an obese fifty-five year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."

Trump may be the best liar of all time.

Marjorie Taylor Greene held a news conference today asking that all Americans join her in her boycott to never shop at Harvard again. A spokesperson for Greene has thus far not replied to follow up questions on the topic.

I guess a brain isn’t in her shopping cart.

Trump was asked about the "TACO" trade and called it a "nasty question." Here's what it means.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-taco-trade-trump-always-chickens-out-what-it-means/

Can't say I blame them.

Trump Travel Ban Unnecessary After Rest of World Shows Zero Interest in Coming to Sheethole Country

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s sweeping travel ban has proven totally unnecessary as the rest of the world has shown no interest in visiting what it deems to be a sheethole country, travel experts confirmed on Thursday.

“When people plan vacations, they usually avoid countries with soaring prices, random arrests on the street, and measles outbreaks,” Harland Dorrinson, an international travel expert, said.

Additionally, he said, “Travel-wise, people prefer destinations where food undergoes rigorous inspections and planes don’t fall out of the sky.”

Noting that travel to the US had plummeted since Trump became president, he added, “At this point North Koreans are staying away.”

...and to think, this happened in just 4 short months.
"Move fast- and break s#," indeed.

Imagine how tainted this 'tourist destination' will be after another 3.75 years of this.


Yeah- we'll be just fine, in 2028.




*Borowitz always lays it down with clear eyes and sharpened pen.

Association With Trump “Bad for my Brand,” Says Jeffrey Epstein in Hell

HELL (The Borowitz Report)—In a rare public statement from the fiery depths of Hades, Jeffrey Epstein said on Thursday that being associated with Donald J. Trump was “bad for my brand.”

“Look, I wasn’t thrilled about being connected to Prince Andrew,” he said. “But being linked to Trump will forever ruin how people think of Jeffrey Epstein.”

Visibly angry, he called Elon Musk’s decision to allege Trump’s inclusion in the so-called Epstein Files “hurtful.”

Vowing to “tear into Elon when he gets down here,” Epstein declared, “This is the worst thing Musk has ever done, and that includes the Cybertruck.”

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/as...ypCqkE-BBfwLg_aem_bUA38PzIm473cbYgxbQ-2Q

Rumor has it that the trump/Musk split is the first beak up of pride month.

Zelenskyy Offers to Broker Peace Between Musk and Trump

KYIV (The Borowitz Report)—In a bold attempt at high-stakes diplomacy, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy offered on Friday to broker a peace deal between Elon Musk and Donald J. Trump.

“It is time for the fighting to stop,” Zelenskyy said to Musk and Trump. “And I am willing to make the ultimate sacrifice: sitting in the same room as the two of you.”

Addressing Trump, the Ukrainian declared, "Mr. President, Elon gave you 250 million dollars, and you haven't said ‘thank you’ once."

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/ze...QCcShQF8Jb8QT2NTA&triedRedirect=true

Trump calling Musk crazy is really pot meet kettlemine.

Disgusting

Schrödinger's Immigrant.....

Lazily collecting government benefits but somehow stealing all of the jobs at the same time.

Somehow trump managed to elude Canadian immigration officials and entered Canada to attend the G-7 conference there.

When asked about the situation Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney replied, "When America sends their people they are not sending their best people. They are sending multi count convicted felons, men who have sexually assaulted women, who have stolen from charities and conned college students. And some I suppose are good people."

And after all of that Trump is still more righteous than any and all Democrats!!!

Yeah, the chosen one to all Gopers. You guys crack me up.

And fairies put candy on your pillow at night.

Homeland Security Secretary Krsti Noem was hospitalized briefly yesterday to what appeared to be an allergic reaction to Holy Water. The Vatican is still assisting the CDC is trying to find an anecdote.

We saw just how futile it was to fight two wars on two war fronts that were so far apart at the same time during the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. I wonder if the U.S. military can be more successful trying to fight a war in Iran and in L.A. at the same time?

Republican Jesus;

Then Jesus said unto the sick, "You better have health insurance!"

Then Jesus said unto the stranger, "Are you here legally? Let me see your paperwork!"

Then Jesus said to the hungry, "My tax dollars better not be paying for those loaves and fish!"

Then Jesus said to the poor, "This your own damned fault!"

Then Jesus said unto the rich, "All of your wealth insures your ticket to heaven no matter how many people you cheated and used to get it."

The gospel according to trumpians.

In an act of kindness and friendship George W. Bush has offered to loan trump his "Mission Accomplished' banner. This sets in motion a second case of premature jubilation by an American president.

Scientists decided to conduct experiments on how the brains of men functioned.

First they removed the right half of a mans brain and asked him to count to ten.

The man replied, "2, 4 ,6 ,8 ,10."

Next they removed the left half of the mans brain and asked him to count to ten.

The man replied, "1, 3, 5, 7, 9."

Finally they removed the mans entire brain and asked him to count to ten.

The man replied, "Oh I can count to ten. People are saying, many people are saying I can count to ten better than other man has counted to ten the history of our country. If you ask me to count to ten it will be better than anyone has ever counted to ten before."

Thoughts and prayers to wanna be alpha male Republicans who suddenly got bone spurs today............................

Speaking of bone spurs.............

Trump Sends Barron to Podiatrist

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a nationally televised address Saturday night, Donald J. Trump announced that he had ordered his son Barron to visit a podiatrist.

“My fellow Americans, earlier this evening, at my command, Barron saw a podiatrist,” said Trump, flanked by JD Vance, Marco Rubio, and Pete Hegseth. “I am pleased to announce that he has returned home safely.”

“Barron’s mission was to obtain a note from the doctor,” Trump added. “Mission accomplished.”

Minutes after the speech, a new poll showed that a majority of Americans favor dropping Donald Trump on Iran.

A rumor they say is coming out of The White House claims that it was Hegseth who named the attack on Iran "Midnight Hammer". He felt it was quite appropriate since he is always hammered by midnight.