DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Everything Else... The toll of Alzheimer’s

I feel a little sad today.

My mother, who will turn 82 in July, had to have her common-law husband of almost 30 years - he is the best thing that ever happened to her, bar none - put into a nursing home because of his Alzheimer’s.

She dealt with it for a few years, cared for him as much as she could, but couldn’t do it anymore. He’ll get better care in a nursing home, but it’s the end of a chapter in our lives, in her life especially. A major chapter gone.

I saw him just last week at their place and he said he remembered when we went to high school together and asked where I was living now. It’s bad.

She feels guilty, I told her today she shouldn’t, but that I understand her sadness.

I live an hour away from her, but my older sister lives close to her and she’s a trooper with this stuff.

She gets things done and while fought like cats and dogs growing up, we’re close now and I’ve told her many, many times how much I appreciate her.

If any of you have advice to give me on how to help her get along in her new reality, please feel free to pass it along.

The sad part of this, you end up losing them twice. Once when it's clear they have alzheimers and once more when they die. My Mom went like that. It was very tough to watch. I wish you well...

Sorry to hear that Lampy. We went through that with both of my wife's parents. It's a damn hard decision to make.
Part of you always wonders if the right decision was made, but it was. Your Mother can't question that even though I know she will.

As people live longer and longer this horrible disease is only going to become more and more prevalent.

To take it beyond what Daman said, and he is right, it is like 2 losses, no doubt about that. I can only speak from my experience, it many ways, the final loss hits hard, but also comes with a sense of mercy and relief.

Tell your Mom to keep going and telling him she loves him. I firmly believe people in that state can still hear and understand, they just can't respond or react.

Lampy, life is a series of chapters. Some are sad chapters to enter like this, some are good chapters to enter. It's life's cycle. LOL, sometimes we see them differently. I was sad each time my kids were finally potty trained and exited diapers. I saw that as my precious child growing up. The end of a chapter. My wife was thrilled...and yes, I took my turn changing them.

Best wishes. God be with your Mother and you.

I have no advice, lamp, only heartfelt condolences. I haven't had to deal with anything like this, yet, and God-willing, I won't. My dad is beginning to deal with similar (dementia?) with his sister and it frustrates him to no end, but they all keep on keepin' on.
What else can you do? You do what you can until you can't; that's all there is. Do the best you can to do right by the people you love.

This is a very tough thing to go through. While I won't get into the details my family has had to deal with a very similar situation. As hard as this may be for you to hear there is no definitive answer to your question. Your mom is an individual. Individuals react differently to varying messages. The way that you deal with one person in a situation such as this may not work with another person. It's just the way human beings are wired. The people best suited to figure out how to get your mom to understand this are the people that know her and know how to communicate with her best.

As Damon stated it's like losing them twice and your mom feels like she is losing him. If those who discuss this with her keep that in mind from the beginning that might help.

Sorry I can't be of more help.

I understand Lamp. I have lost a lot of loved ones to Dementia. My own Mom, my great grandmother, grandfather, 2 great uncles, great Aunt, and my best friends Mom

I appreciate all of the responses, and the advice.

Today I watched my mom get his slippers, shirts and pajamas together to take to the home.