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...i thought this was funny and i reckon a few of you will get a kick out of it.  An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees"! "What powerful rivers"! "What beautiful animals"! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him he turned to look, he saw a seven-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer, he tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the atheist cried out, "Oh my God!" Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident, do you expect me to help you out of this predicament, am I to count you as a believer"? The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian"? ? ? "Very well" said the voice. The light went out, the sounds of the forest resumed and the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke. . . . . . . "Lord bless this food which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen." 
#gmstrong
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LMAO!!!! That's awesome... Will have to send that one to my Dad. 
<><
#gmstrong
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Haha, I love it.
I want the Cleveland Browns to be my pallbearers so they can let me down for the last time.
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Legend
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I'm not an atheist...I have no idea what's out there, but I am smart enough to know that every organized religion is dead, dead wrong.
Someone will probably say I'm ruining the fun, but I don't think it's a very funny joke...it's one of those jokes that has the bare-essentials of a punchline but really serves as a point...we see these often about religion and politics. So I'm reacting as intended....
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lmao...that was awesome
![[Linked Image from pic18.picturetrail.com]](http://pic18.picturetrail.com/VOL905/3216203/6567769/349897772.jpg) "The Browns' defense is kicking mucho dupa."
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Excellent....I will remember that one.
If everybody had like minds, we would never learn. GM Strong ![[Linked Image]](http://www.dawgtalkers.net/uploads/small-gator-chomp.gif)
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Dawg Talker
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I get 'ya Phil.
There was one about the Marines the other day. Thought it was ordinary but this one made me chuckle.
#gmstrong
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Hey, man, different strokes.
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Dawg Talker
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Quote:
I'm not an atheist...I have no idea what's out there, but I am smart enough to know that every organized religion is dead, dead wrong.
Someone will probably say I'm ruining the fun, but I don't think it's a very funny joke...it's one of those jokes that has the bare-essentials of a punchline but really serves as a point...we see these often about religion and politics. So I'm reacting as intended....
I'm with you too, and was ready to blow this one off as well, until the bear started saying grace...now that was funny.
But you're right though, I couldn't agree with you more about religion...I honestly believe that religion has always been the downfall, and will continue to be the downfall of mankind. Not race or economics, religion has caused more wars and bloodshed than anything else in history.
But, I digress....
"My country is the world, and my religion is to do good" Thomas Paine
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Quote:
I'm not an atheist...I have no idea what's out there, but I am smart enough to know that every organized religion is dead, dead wrong.
Someone will probably say I'm ruining the fun, but I don't think it's a very funny joke...it's one of those jokes that has the bare-essentials of a punchline but really serves as a point...we see these often about religion and politics. So I'm reacting as intended....
If you didn't like that one Phil you probably will hate this one. I hope so.
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President.
The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'post turtle'.'
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.'
The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there to begin with.'
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A perfect example of what I was saying.
Replace 'Obama' with 'Dubya', and it's still not all that funny to me. I'm not saying I'm right, I'm discussing my sense of humor.
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All Pro
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The first one was better.
Wise words spoken by sages
From SkyTel to BlackBerry pagers
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Quote:
but I don't think it's a very funny joke...
Which one are you the stick or the mud 
I AM ALWAYS RIGHT... except when I am wrong.
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Quote:
Quote:
but I don't think it's a very funny joke...
Which one are you the stick or the mud
No doubt.
Two jokes....both have been around for awhile in one fashion or another, both make sense and tickle the funny bone---and this guy wants to post as to why he doesn't find them humorous...
Let me try.....
A priest, a rabbi, and PhilDawsonRocks walk into a bar.....(stop me if you've heard this one) 
They're jokes Phil.....not some deep meaning to life.
Geesh.
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Speaking of bar jokes... my favorite one was: Two guys go walking into a bar... the third guy ducked...
<><
#gmstrong
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Quote:
I'm not an atheist...I have no idea what's out there, but I am smart enough to know that every organized religion is dead, dead wrong.
You're not an atheist, but you are "smart" enough to know every religion is dead dead wrong?
In other words, since I DO believe, and I DO have religion, you are calling me dumb, since any "smart" person would know religion is wrong?
Phil, you just did what you and other non believers vehemently disagree with and rail against - labeling others.
I don't know your background and I don't care to on this topic. I am not stupid, however, and your insinuation of that is bigoted. And yes, since you said "I am smart enough to know..." you did in fact label religious people as dumb.
Here's where I get inane: I demand an apology, I demand you quit your job or get fired, and I demand you get fined and have to attend sensitivity training.
Only problem with that is, you called a religious white man dumb, and no one cares about that.
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Quote:
Speaking of bar jokes... my favorite one was:
Two guys go walking into a bar... the third guy ducked...
Oh geez..... 
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You're not an atheist, but you are "smart" enough to know every religion is dead dead wrong?
C'mon arch.....he said every ORGANIZED religion.
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Only problem with that is, you called a religious white man dumb, and no one cares about that.
Bring beer and I'll walk a picket line........
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Yeah, yeah, I left out "organized", but only in the interest of reduced bandwidth for the board.
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This one just didn't do it for me. The part where he asks God to make the bear a Christian, well, it didn't hit me that the bear would then be any more loving towards the man. I consider myself a Christian but probably the problem is my attitude. I'll admit to needing work on that "love your enemy" bit.
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People - it's a joke. There is no moral code to uphold, there is no hidden meaning, there is no ill will towards atheists, christians or bears......it's just a joke!!!
Geez, if every joke told had to go through all this vetting there wouldn't be a joke in existence - at least not one that was politically, geographically, racially, and nationality correct.
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A good joke indeed!  Some people get a little uptight at times! 
![[Linked Image from i96.photobucket.com]](http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l197/thazen/brownsflag2.jpg) GO BROWNS!
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Practice Squad
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Quote:
But you're right though, I couldn't agree with you more about religion...I honestly believe that religion has always been the downfall, and will continue to be the downfall of mankind. Not race or economics, religion has caused more wars and bloodshed than anything else in history.
But, I digress....
I don't consider myself the most religious person out there by far, but I disagree with that statement.
Religions have not caused more wars and bloodshed than anything else in history. Man(kind) has. Evil men have twisted religion as a tool to cause war and bloodshed. But men have been at war since before religion was invented. Men were bashing each other over the head with sticks and rocks over food, women, and shiny rocks long before there was organized religion.
Men have started wars in the name of religion, and men have started wars in the absence of religion. Men have started wars in the name of race and of atheist nations. Men are the cause of all of the problems you've listed. Unfortunately, many evil men have used religion as a very effective tool. But the majority of religions, at their core, have little to do with war and bloodshed.
Don't look to those who claim they are fighting for their god as an example. Look to those that are teaching and praying to their god. They are the ones who truly represent their religions. And the VAST majority of them are peaceful people -at least the ones who are truly following their religion's basic tenets.
Unfortunately, there are those out there who will twist a religion to suit their goals of power. Without religion, those same people would simply use a different tool. The effectiveness of a tool does not automatically define it's true nature or purpose.
A letter opener would be a much more effective tool to use in killing someone than a spoon. But you wouldn't be using either for their original purpose.
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1st String
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Quote:
Religions have not caused more wars and bloodshed than anything else in history. Man(kind) has. Evil men have twisted religion as a tool to cause war and bloodshed. But men have been at war since before religion was invented. Men were bashing each other over the head with sticks and rocks over food, women, and shiny rocks long before there was organized religion.
wow.....since your being so trite with words....men cause war in the name of religion. turn on the news.....jihad anyone? crusades? but since man created religion, you are both correct.
but you obviously have little knowledge of early man...ya know, since the world is only 6000 years old....seriously, man hunted in packs, just like cats, wolves, and many other mammals.
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What are you talking about? I agreed that men start wars in the name of religion...
And you don't think people fought over food, sex and possessions BEFORE they fought over religion? Animals fight over food, sex, and possessions. And early man most certainly would have done the same before they even developed language, let alone religion.
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Quote:
Quote:
I'm not an atheist...I have no idea what's out there, but I am smart enough to know that every organized religion is dead, dead wrong.
Someone will probably say I'm ruining the fun, but I don't think it's a very funny joke...it's one of those jokes that has the bare-essentials of a punchline but really serves as a point...we see these often about religion and politics. So I'm reacting as intended....
"
Thanks Ndutyme! We have now had our recommended daily requirement of Marxism for the week. Marx said,"... Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation. It is the opium of the people. The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness"
The American people will never knowingly adopt Socialism. But under the name of 'liberalism' they will adopt every fragment of the Socialist program, .
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In other words, since I DO believe, and I DO have religion, you are calling me dumb, since any "smart" person would know religion is wrong?
If you believe that man descended frm Adam & Eve...if you believe that a snake physically spoke to Adam....then, yes, I believe that is utterly stupid...
...but it doesn't make me think in the slightest that you're a bad person.
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Phil, you just did what you and other non believers vehemently disagree with and rail against - labeling others.
Everyone labels. To pretend otherwise is shortsighted...the key is to listen and consider what those you have labeled in your mind say.
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I demand an apology, I demand you quit your job or get fired, and I demand you get fined and have to attend sensitivity training.
That would make you sound like people calling for the head of Imus...which I think is stupid.
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Only problem with that is, you called a religious white man dumb, and no one cares about that.
I'll call a secularist purple man dumb if I disagree with what he says.
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People - it's a joke. There is no moral code to uphold, there is no hidden meaning, there is no ill will towards atheists, christians or bears......it's just a joke!!!
Geez, if every joke told had to go through all this vetting there wouldn't be a joke in existence - at least not one that was politically, geographically, racially, and nationality correct.
Well.. here's a completely politically correct job...
Nothing Happened.. But then, that isn't politically correct either because something did happen as Christians would point out Adam and Eve and the you have scientists arguing the Big Bang Happened.. and then some guy named Nothing will be offended because he didn't do anything to cause a happening.
![[Linked Image from i.imgur.com]](http://i.imgur.com/FUKyw.png) "Don't be burdened by regrets or make your failures an obsession or become embittered or possessed by ruined hopes"
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Legend
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Quote:
People - it's a joke. There is no moral code to uphold, there is no hidden meaning, there is no ill will towards atheists, christians or bears......it's just a joke!!!
Geez, if every joke told had to go through all this vetting there wouldn't be a joke in existence - at least not one that was politically, geographically, racially, and nationality correct.
Maybe we will have to stick with blonde jokes since they don't offend anybody 
I AM ALWAYS RIGHT... except when I am wrong.
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Legend
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I'll mark you down for both. *Mental note to myself Phil = stick AND mud *
I AM ALWAYS RIGHT... except when I am wrong.
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LMAO....good joke!
LET'S GO BROWNS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ![[Linked Image]](http://www.dawgtalkers.net/uploads/OldSixty-Two/new0400001.jpg) [b]WOOF WOOF[b]
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Legend
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Quote:
Geez, if every joke told had to go through all this vetting...
There would be no Comedy Channel? It would basically be CNN. 
We don't have to agree with each other, to respect each others opinion.
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I'm not an atheist...I have no idea what's out there, but I am smart enough to know that every organized religion is dead, dead wrong.
Someone will probably say I'm ruining the fun, but I don't think it's a very funny joke...it's one of those jokes that has the bare-essentials of a punchline but really serves as a point...we see these often about religion and politics. So I'm reacting as intended....
"
Thanks Ndutyme! We have now had our recommended daily requirement of Marxism for the week. Marx said,"... Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation. It is the opium of the people. The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness"
Your welcome...and I happen to agree with that statement. Does that make me a bad person?
"My country is the world, and my religion is to do good" Thomas Paine
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Quote:
Only problem with that is, you called a religious white man dumb, and no one cares about that.
I'm still trying to figure out where the "white" part came into this....Playing the race card Arch? 
"My country is the world, and my religion is to do good" Thomas Paine
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I found it funny.. nordawg
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
#gmstrong
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Yeah, you caught me alright. And like I said, no one cares. (also, please note the sarcasm here, and in my original post about it. Well sarcasm/irony. I wasn't being serious is what I mean.)
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Legend
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Quote:
Quote:
People - it's a joke. There is no moral code to uphold, there is no hidden meaning, there is no ill will towards atheists, christians or bears......it's just a joke!!!
Geez, if every joke told had to go through all this vetting there wouldn't be a joke in existence - at least not one that was politically, geographically, racially, and nationality correct.
Maybe we will have to stick with blonde jokes since they don't offend anybody
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I thought it was great Arch. Can we send Phil away to a Gulag for a little reprossing after we fire him.
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#GMSTRONG
“Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts.”
Daniel Patrick Moynahan
"Alternative facts hurt us all. Think before you blindly believe."
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You go do some work for a few hours, you come back and hope that some people have posted a couple more jokes... and you walk into a knockdown drag out with racial AND religious overtones... well isn't THIS just great.
yebat' Putin
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DawgTalkers.net
Forums DawgTalk Tailgate Forum Well....I'm an Atheist but....
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