DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Tailgate Forum Baby Mama Drama

So yesterday was my birthday. It started out pretty uneventful. I went to church, then after that, I decided to go pick up the kids from the ex's house so I could spend some time with them on my birthday.

So I take them under the agreement that she will pick them up from me after an hour or two. Now, I can guarantee you she wasn't trying to do me a favor by letting me have the kids for a while on my b-day. She would rather be with her friends.

I got to her house @ about 1:30 pm and she's still in bed saying she doesn't feel good (A weekly occurance, at least). I had the kids for an hour or so and she told me she wasn't going to get the kids, I would have to take them to her friends house. Yes, she was sick when the kids were around, but miraculously was well enough to go to a friends house.

Either way, I wasn't going to go look for her friends house when the agreement was for her to pick up the kids. So I told her I would be taking the kids to her house and I would have my 8 yr old son go through the back window so he open the door from the inside (he's done this before with mommy). The reason I did this is because I knew I had to go to work and I didn't want to play her games all night.

So I made sure I didn't set foot in the house. My ex said if I went in her house, she would call the cops. I said fine, go ahead and call them, because I knew I was doing nothing wrong and I just wanted to go home so I couldget ready for work.

I'm outside waiting for her to come and get the kids and I see her coming down the road then she turns around instead of getting the kids. Presumably, because she'd rather call the cops and "teach me a lesson". A minute or two later I saw her driving down another side street. Next thing I see is a cop car drive up the road.

I was sitting on the porch when I saw him drive up so I got up figuring he would come and talk to me just to see what's going on. But no, he tells me to put my hands in the air, hands on the back of my head, walk backwards, get on my knees and puts the cuffs on me (extremely tight btw). Now my ex knows a few cops in this city (she cheated on me with one) so I am suspicious that I was treated the way because she might know him.

My question is: Does the way this officer treated me seem a little wrong? One other thing, my kids were standing there watching everything (crying) and I in no way was aggressive or resistant.

Any thoughts on my quandary?
Btw, I was let go because I had done nothing wrong.

Sucks when kids have to see one or both parents act like idiots. Sorry yours had to witness this.

If you were let go, don't worry about it. The cops, friends of hers or not, will eventually catch on to her games.

Consult an attorney bud.

Actually, what I would like to do is have a judge force her to get counseling or get on medication. My son has a bruise on his eyelid because she was mad and threw something in his direction. I don't think she meant to hit him, but she just isn't very stable.

I've tried to be Mr. Nice Guy for 2 years and I don't think that's the way to go with her anymore.

I repeat myself. Consult a good attorney, your son was injured. Take pictures. Asking this board is a waste of time. This board is nothing more than football fans with an opinion. While thats prolly good for the venting, it won't do much to resolve the issue you face.

Look, I am going to put my neck out here and be a little honest. People can look down on me and judge me all they want but I am going to put some of my life experiences to use to try to help you with this so you dont waste your time going through the hassle of getting a lawyer.

I have been put in hand cuffs a few times, Sometimes rightly and sometimes because the cop was being a .... There is absolutely nothing you can do about the cop putting you in cuffs. As a matter of fact there is nothing you could do if the cop had taken you to jail and held you for 2 days and then released you. Trust me I have been through it. Got arrested on a Saturday morning for something I did not do,sat in jail till Tuesday morning when they took me before a judge and set my bail and it took almost six months before I could get the case cleared up.

It will all be glossed over as the cop was just doing his job, he will claim you were being disorderly or they thought you had a weapon so they had to restrain you.

KING

I have an attorney. Just wanted some common folks opinions

I agree with Saint...take pictures and make her pay for child abuse. This time it was a bruise, but next time it could take his eye. You are enabling her by allowing her to get away with this. Just because she "didn't mean to" hurt him doesn't make it okay...does it?

That's my opinion and on that note, I'm out of this. Good luck to all of you.

That's fine, Kingo. But, hurling something at your kid that hits him in the eye is NOT okay with me. If it's okay with him, that's fine. They're his kids and it's his choice about how to protect them.

Sounds like your ex wife is a complete trainwreck of a person. - Man, does she sound screwed up.

My advice: You gotta make this whole ordeal as easy and peaceful as possible for your kids. - Your behavior will reflect in your kids behavior.

I had to deal with the same stuff as a kid. - Only my mom wasn't a trainwreck, my dad was. Boy could I tell you some stories about the caliber a-hole my father was to my mother. - It really screwed mine and my siblings childhood up. - It also showed by the way I treated my peers and teachers through grade school and all throughout highschool.

- Put your kids emotions first. If you know your ex-wife is a trainwreck, you gotta act accordingly and do whats best for your kids.

Why let the kid in the window to open the door? Were you then going to leave them there alone??? You could have been charged with breaking and entering or burglary for attempting to gain access to a place that isn't yours.

Handcuffs were applied as that is the normal procedure and is for the safety of the officer until he knows what he is dealing with....it matters not whether you were aggressive or resisting.

Well, i wouln't say she is a trainwreck. Bi-polar maybe. That's why it's a tough call what to do. I mean, I want the kids to be impacted as little as possible and I don't want to open a can of worms. I'm gonna talk to my lawyer friday so we'll see what he says. But, anyways, sorry to bother ya'lls with my probs.

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I want the kids to be impacted as little as possible

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Seeing your dad in handcuffs , watching your mom flip out and throw things at you ..... the kids have been impacted quite a bit sounds like .

I can feel your pain. I got my own BMD! I can agree with Shep to a degree. Having your son break in the back window...not smart! My advice is NEVER give your unstable ex ANY ammunition against you. TRUST ME.

If she is violent toward the kids, and they have bruises to show for it, then you definitely need to handle that. As was suggested earlier, handle it the legal way.

Unfortunately, if it's been 2 years, it doesn't look like the drama will ever end. It's a no win situation for everyone involved.

Just don't do anything she can use against you. You may not have wanted to, but you should've have just dropped them off wherever she was. It sucks, but you gotta play the game sometimes, or fight her for custody...those really are your options.

Duely noted. I'm just tired of playing her game. Oh, sure, I can avoid most conflicts by being her yes man, but it will never be enough. Prolly shouldn't have had my son go in and open the door, but I was just trying to get her to come and pick up the kids.

Never thought I'd be in this situation. It'll all work out for the good I'm confident of that. Justice will prevail.

Not having kids, I can't offer any advice there.. having been divorced,, I can tell you that the best defense is a lawyer that will get crazy at the smell of blood... And if she's harming your kids in any way,, to me, thats blood..

You may not need a lawyer for the marital/divorce issues, but you need one to get your kids out of what might be a dangerous environment..

Kill her

No, not gonna kill her. If she wasn't crazy she'd be okay. Seriously, I would love to be able to just be friends, but she seems to be hell bent in hating me. And SHE was unfaithful to ME. Go figure.

I have been in a similar position. Not identical by any stretch. My ex tried to be good to her kids(one of them my son), but she had a soft spot for stupid ass guys. And she wouldn't get rid of them, even though she knew better.

My son moved in with us when he was 12. He got the benefit of a functional household.....a dad and step mom that cared, showed, lived it.

Do what you have to, but remember, the kids come first. It's damn tough, I know. But let me just say this: in the long run, your kids will be better off, and so will you and the relationship you have with them

I know, there's nothing there telling you how to deal with this situation. I can't offer any advice there really. But what I can offer is - kids come first......do what's best for them. Kids are amazing - and they WILL at some point in time appreciate a dad that: stood up for them, loved them, sacrificed for them, and looked out for them.

My son - he's 21 now, a sr. in college - still calls his step mom - my wife - at least weekly for no other reason than to chat. He calls his mom about once a month. (I get the cell phone bill - I know about things like this. )

He seldom asks for me, and when he does it's because he needs money, has car trouble, or some other trouble. Doesn't bother me at all. He tells my wife often times "I'm glad dad made me do this.......or I'm glad dad made me save money.......or I'm glad dad told me about this thing or that thing, my friends have no clue......or I'm glad dad had the sex talk with me when I was 15. None of my friends had any talk. Plus, when I told my friends the language my dad used, we all laughed hilariously"


My wife tells me everything. And yes, his friends laugh at me. They also say things like "I wish my dad was like you".....that primarily refers to being an easy going guy. (yeah, even though no one on here would believe it) I have expectations for my son, he knows it, and does his best to live up to it. And things are good.

For you, what I'm saying is make the tough choices, but make them with your kids best interest at heart. And live that way as well.........your kids did not ask for you or your ex to be their mom and dad. You, and she, owe it to them to be the best you can be. If one side isn't holding up their end of the bargain, the other side should just continue - as hard as it is to do.

Keep doing the right things. Your kids will see it - sooner than you would think honestly. And it will stick with them for the rest of their lives. Believe it or not, the sacrifices you make WILL be remembered by them, even though they might not tell you directly. At least that's been the case with me.

Do the right thing by your kids. In the long run, it will pay huge dividends. Ignore the ex.......let her do her thing. As long as the kids aren't suffering or getting hurt.