DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Tailgate Forum Pet owners

I got to burn some time (at work, upgrading something watching the progress bar).. and the cat thread inspired me to ask a question to some of you pet owners.

So, my wife and I in college lived together a couple years(in sin )... My wife always had dogs growing up. I was never allowed growing up as my Mom and Dad didn't want one in the house. I always told myself, when I get out of the house I'm getting some dogs. We ended up getting two mutts from the shelter... boxer mix and lab mix. We loved them... they were like are children. Where we went, they went... What I ate and drank, they ate and drank (pizza and beer)... We had some great years.

Then after graduation, my wife and I got married and we started our life together. We had our first boy... then another... no longer do I even want to spend time with our two dogs. The boxer mix is very good with the boys. The other wants nothing to do with them. But, they are like second grade citizens in our house now. I don't like feeling this way... but I really could care less if they are gone. I know it sounds heartless, but, to me all they do now is add more stress and complexity to my already stressed life. They get no attention and I know the stuff they do now is just out of frustration.

These dogs are 7 and 9... If I knew someone that would take them and give them the life they should have... I'd give them away in a heartbeat. But who wants 2 70+ lb dogs that have gone over the half way point. I feel bad for them... has this every happened to anyone else who got dogs when they we're young and had children? What should I do? Should I put them in the paper or something? Should I just wait till they die? I guess the main problem is they aren't trained very well (they're college dogs) and our house isn't big enough for 2 adults, 2 kids, and 2 large dogs.

Also, wanted to post this in case there is some college kid wanting a dog... You don't know where you'll be in you life in a few years. Wait until your life is more stable until you go out and get a dog.

Maybe I'm just finding out I'm not really a dog person?

I can't say that I've ever experienced that. My dogs are a extention of me. I bought my house specifically so I had a yard to get my dogs. I cannot imagine my life without them.

Sorry to hear you've lost the love for your pups. I'm sure they haven't lost their love for you. A dogs love is unconditional in my experience.

A pet is not an animated toy that you have fun with for a while and then discard. It is a responsibility that you agree to when you get them. Your dogs are reaching the age where they will require understanding and veterinary care, not to mention love, and you are saying you want them gone. Such a sad thing when a lifetime of love and loyalty on their part is responded to with abandonment on your part. I have no idea what to tell you, except that you are probably not going to find a good home for them, and even if you do, they are probably not going to adapt well to it. They will be separated from each other (more than likely) and from their family. You, on the other hand, will probably adapt very well, and tell yourself they are better off. Here's the thing: there is no Happy Farm for all the unwanted dogs in the world to go live at. Maybe you should just take them to the local shelter where they'll be put up for adoption; and if not adopted, euthanized humanely.

We do have a fenced in yard... the boxer loves being outside. The other hates it and will bark at the door as soon as you let her out.

Dave - Agree... I won't be getting another dog after these two go. Like I said, I was young and dumb and didn't really think about where I would be in 10 years. I wouldn't let them be split up... and will not let them be euthanized unless they are blind, dieing or something like that. Don't get me wrong I do have feelings for them. We've been threw alot together... I just more wondered if anyone has gone through something similiar and also wanted to let the other young dumb ones know the mistake I made. It is a major commitment (vet bills, dog food, time, love, etc)

Wow,, they were like your children when it was conveinent for you.. but now they are second class..

If you were here in front of me, I'd kick you in the..... nevermind., you get the point. I hope you find them a good home, but until you do, cowboy up and treat them right.. They've done nothing to you but give unconditional love..

The thing you need to realize is that you and your wife are the center of their universe. If you give them up now, after being their pack leader for all these years, they will be devastated. Finish your commitment to them. It won't be that long. Feed them, give them a warm place to sleep, vet care when they need it, a walk every now and then, a hug every now and then ... they will return it tenfold. When their time comes, help them go easy and feeling safe. Then you can feel good and know you did the right thing.

I think people should take it easy on Barfo. He didnt say he was going to take the dogs and dump them somewhere. He simply was wondering if they might be better off with someone who can baby them and love them as if they were the only children,as they were before the human babys came along.

What he is experiencing is quite common, my experiences were similar when my first kid was born. We had a little doberman mix female . Rox was the greatest,sweetest,devoted dog you could ever know. We didnt have any children and she stood in as the kids we didnt have. I could tell you story after story of this sweet dog that would lay her life down for us if she needed too. She was also totally and completley spoiled by me and my wife,but especially by my wife. She used to climb up onto my wifes lap and basically curl up in her arms as if she was a infant.

Well somehow my wife got pregnant( ) and eventually my son was born. After that things just changed,its nature,it happens. Rox was no longer the baby of the house. My wifes focus became taking care of her first baby. It happens with humans too when you have older kids and then a baby is born,but the difference is you cant make a dog understand " ok I need you to be a big girl now,you arent the baby anymore". The dog was still well taken care of,she wasnt neglected or anything,but she just didnt get the attention she did before the baby,things were different and dogs react funny to change a lot of the times. Her reaction was to tear everything of the babys apart that she could get ahold of. So of course this made her into a bother in an already stressful situation.

We didnt give up on her though,it took a lot hard work by me to make sure that she was getting love and attention and at the same time working long hours and still giving my wife and new born child the time and attention they needed. Anyone who has dealt with a hormonal woman that has just has her first child knows how irrational they can be. It takes a lot of soothing over to explain to her why after I have been gone at work for 13 hours I am coming home and playing with the dog in the backyard instead of helping with the baby so she can get a moment of relaxation. The same dog she is POed at for tearing apart the babys diaper bag while she was in the other room. We got through it,Rox got adjusted too,though she seemed to kind of age and didnt seem to be the happy go lucky dog she was before.

I have heard many other people tel the same tale though,when I was workign rescue we used to hear it all the time. People go this Bullmastiff pup and he was great,the love of their life but then they had kids and this big huge exuberant dog was just not right for their life situation anymore.


KING

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I think people should take it easy on Barfo.

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When you get a dog, you really are making a committment. If you don't understand that, don't get a dog. Or any pet for that matter.

If there are health reasons,, yeah, I get that. Sometimes tough decisions need to be made..

That's not what we are talking about here...

Thanks king.

My story and yours seem very similiar. Like you said, I'm not neglecting them in any way. They go to the vet, eat entirely too much dog food, have the run of the house and yard... etc.

But like you said... It's not the same as it use to be. My kids are my #1 priority now. I guess the problem with some of the other posters in here that are taken back by this... is if their house was on fire and the dogs and kids were locked in seperate rooms. With time only to get to one room and out... they'd have a really hard time choosing it sounds like. To me, it wouldn't even cross my mind to save the dogs... until I got my kids out.

I am not here to bust on ya about how you feel. You feel how you feel. And of course your kids should come above a animal. Absolutely! I know that when I have kids (which may be sooner rather than later now) they will immediately be of greater importance than my beagles. But make no mistake, my beagles won't be 2nd class either. They will just occupy a slightly lower rung on the corporate ladder.

I hope you find the happy medium you are seeking. Whether thats with you adopting them out, or staying with them. I wish you and them well.

That's the thing... I have found my happy medium. Just don't think my dogs are too happy about it. And while you might say now, as I did when I was in your shoes, that they won't be second class. That was not my experience...

I'll probably just ride it out... I can't see splitting them up. And I can't see anybody taking them both. So, I'll try a little harder to be compassionate to them. They do deserve it.. it's just hard sometimes when the kids want something, wife wants something, work wants something, and the dog is whining about being outside for 5 min.

I was kinda in the same boat. After 3 miscarriages my wife needed something so we got a chihuahua. That was the perfect thing for her for almost 4 years. Then we had our daughter, and it seemed that we just totally forgot about the dog, sure we fed her, gave her water, gave her exercise, got her to the vet, just the basics. I felt horrible about it, but it was what it was. At one point we even called a chihuahua rescue, the day before they came to get her, the wife couldn't get rid of her.

Now my daughter is 4 1/2 and they are best buddies. Always playing together, chasing each other, daughter giving her dog treats when we aren't looking. The dog is almost 8 now, and we are happily looking for another 8 years with her. Our family just needed some time for adjustments, sure it took a few years, but our dog still loves us.

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it's just hard sometimes when the kids want something, wife wants something, work wants something, and the dog is whining about being outside for 5 min.

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Welcome to life as we know it...........

So in other words you're trying to say college kids don't always make sound decisions? Or are you trying to say you have a tendency to take the things you love and eventualy trivialize them to the point they are no longer valuable or you only care for something when you need it?

Not sure. Who'da thunk it?

What if it was a mog? Would that make a difference?

Not sure I get the range of feelings. I think it's one thing to not have the time to love and care for it like you wish you could, but you seem to have stopped loving it.

Honestly, I couldn't imagine that.

Mog?

Read Barf's signature...

Rish~I don't think he's saying he doesn't love his dogs. It seems to me he's saying they deserve more than what he feels he's able to give.

Oh ... I had sigs disabled ... thought it was a typo. Thanks.

The problem is unless you find a home for them you will have to take them to a shelter. No one will adopted dogs that old, especially the Boxer. If no one adopts them, they will be put down.

I don't know you and could be off base here but from the outside looking in, it seems you are being selfish.

Now if the dogs are aggressive to your kids, that's another story, but that does not sound like the case here.

j/c Your dogs might be a little put off they aren't getting the attention they are used to.....but they'd be waaaaaay more upset if they lost their home. That would be extremely traumatizing to them. I couldn't find if you mentioned how old your kids are....but kids and dogs are a match made in heaven. If your kids are pretty young...when they get a little older, they will give the dogs plenty of attention and you won't have to worry about it so much. Seems your family is just going to a growth phase. Hang in there and don't ditch your dogs. They love you and they will adapt....

Barf:

It's always a possibility that your feelings regarding the dogs are in a state of transition, just like your family situation.

Is it possible that you're just a bit overwhelmed right now... and that something (in this case, your pets) has to give? If so, it's totally understandable. Major life changes, major priority shifts... they all take their toll, until you can adapt and readjust.

Despite the changes in their household status, it sounds as if you're still committed to your pets. That's a good thing. Way too many pets are dumped at shelters or on roadsides when their caregivers tire of them. Since they are going to be with you for the duration, keep an open mind about their changing role in your life.

Think of it this way: a year from now, they'll most likely still be with you. The demands of child-rearing will have changed, as well. The kid(s) will demand more and different things of you, down time will be shorter, relaxation harder to come by. Perhaps next year, you'll have changed enough to be able to appreciate the simple pleasure of watching the 11:00 news with your arm aroud a devoted pooch... a dog who really wants little more than to feel connected to his/her "Alpha." Those 20-minute walks may just be something you end up looking forward to, when job stress and family commitments make you want to hide in a closet. In that case, you'll appreciate the pup as much as s/he appreciates you. Everybody wins.

Quality can trump quantity, when your life demands it.

Bonding with dogs has been proven scientifically to reduce stress, lower blood pressure, smooth our basal metabolic rate and aid in an overall healthier lifestyle... attributes you need, and can help you to be a better parent to your younguns.

Also, as they grow into their childhood, it's good for your kids to have a dog to interact with. It teaches them responsibility, empathy, the life cycle, what it means to care for another being... traits they'll need when THEY reach adulthood.

Just because you don't have the same time and attention to devote to them, doesn't mean that you can't forge a new relationship with them. They're amazingly adaptable to changing situations, and may pleasantly surprise you.

To me, it sounds like you're still trying to figure out where the mutts fit in this new puzzle. For sure, they'll assume a more background role, but that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy their company in a new way. Give it some time, Dawg... you might find a new balance that works for everyone involved.

Thank you for saying so poetically why having pets can be such a positive experience.

This brings me to a random question for pet owners about two dogs here at my aunt's where I just moved in. One is a 3 year old black lab male (a bit of a total spaz and seems over-anxious-Buck) and the other is an 8 year old golden retriever/yellow lab mix female (happiest dog in the world just wants sleep and her butt scratched- Amber).

Whenever anyone gives Amber (the bitch) attention, plays fetch or ball with her, even just pets her, Buck (the male spaz) will race to steal it away by taking the ball or whatever toy she's got in her mouth, or nudge her out of the way and under someone's hand when they go to pet her. He is constantly over-anxious and seems like an insecure attention whore. He's a great dog that's always happy, with a good temperament and's very warm toward people.

The question is: How do I alter this jealousy from him? I just want the little spaz to mellow out and quick being so over-anxious and from stealing Amber's attention like it's the worst thing that could ever happen.

In my opinion what you're dealing with is a typical Lab. And a relatively young Lab at that.

Labs love to retrieve - hence, their name.

Age will slow it down some - but not much. My sis in law has a lab that is now 11. In the summer, he'll run/fetch/swim all day - to the point that, in the evening when he lays down, he can hardly get back up. But if he sees a ball, he'll struggle to his feet in order to "play" just a little more.