DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Everything Else... When are you too old?

I'm going to be 33 in a few months and my wife will turn 30 that same month. We do not have children yet, but are planning to within the next year or so. My question to you is, what was your age limit for when you decided you were too old to have children? I fear I'm on the cusp of that limit. I always wanted children by the time I was 30, but life has not quite gone as planned.

I have found that there is never a good time to have kids. Never enough time or money or this or that.

My advice, if your marriage is strong, just start having them. You will adjust and do what is necessary to keep it all going. Life will completely change for you.

The greatest thing I ever did in my life was to have my 3 kids. They are a blessing to me every day.

I don't think age is much of a limit these days because people seem to be having kids later and later. However, you will need the energy to raise them and keep up with them.

Someone in my life once told me "get married at 30, kids at 35. Seems too late, but it's right on time, maturity wise"

"However, you will need the energy to raise them and keep up with them."

That's what I'm worried about. I already fall asleep at about 8:00 or 8:30 every night and it's hard for me to get up off the floor because of bad knees that came out of nowhere. Factors like those are what make me wonder when it might be too late, physically, to start the baby factory. I always wanted multiple children. But, without having even one by now, my hopes of that happening are quickly dwindling.

We're definitely mature enough, money has been the issue until a few months ago. It was financially impossible to have kids.

We had our last one when I was 37. I figured out how old was "too old" for me by working backwards. 37+18=55... last kid out of the house when I'm 55. I didn't want to be that 65 year old dude at my kids graduation and I wanted them gone while I was still young enough to enjoy it.

With that said, there is no exact right answer and people make it work all sorts of ways. If the surgery didn't work and I had another one when I was 45 , I would have done the best I could and loved them just as much.

my first daughter was born right after i turned 21. the second was born when i was 23.

I think if me and my wife tried to "plan" it, we would've failed miserably. when you have kids, you realize how much growing up you haven't done yet.

it's crazy man. my first daughter was born while i was deployed. so i didn't go through the monthly check ups and all the other stuff.

my second? man......i can say with truthfulness that i wasn't prepared one bit. I wasn't mature enough. It really hit me when my wife got pregnant.

and i was young man, i already had my first daughter, but i was 21. i still wanted to party and get trashed and travel.

Thank god i grew out of that phase. having a child...well mostly, will make you grow up in a sense.

it just makes you think about your life. you're gonna be 33. the moment your wife says she's pregnant, you're gonna be thinking about all the stuff you HAVEN'T done yet. And a lot of that stuff is gonna have to be put on the back burner.

but once you see your kid for the first time, all that noise doesn't even matter anymore.

After raising 6 kids, I can tell you that you're always too old. Each one has a will of their own, and they're all different. I love them, I wish I had done some things different, and I know for a fact that I was never a good enough parent, and I spend lots of time with my kids. It's been the toughest job I've ever had, and while I wouldn't trade it for anything, I am ready for the next phase in life.

I can't imagine ever being "ready" to have a kid. Granted I'm in my early 20's, but after having a pregnancy scare over break I wouldn't imagine being in a much different emotional position if I was in my 30's. I basically went through the same thought process as Swish described.

That said, I always told myself that I'm down to have a kid at any age. My Dad was old when I was adopted and due to that I didn't really throw the football with him after grade school or play basketball with him, I wouldn't change one thing about growing up. I think old dads get a bad wrap.

I've not been so lucky to find my soulmate and have kids, and it is unlikely that will happen (just turned 45).

Even if I met her today, I'd be hesitant to have kids because I'd be 63 or 64 when they graduated high school and at least 68 when they graduated college. I'm not saying I'd be against it, I'm just not sure I'd be for it. It is completely selfish of me to say that because I have goals of retiring at 60 and I likely couldn't do that with children.

From friend's experience, I have a couple friends that didn't have kids until they were in their 40s. You have time, it just comes down to when is the best timing for you and your wife, and what you'd like your life to be like.

In my opinion, I like that I am seeing a lot of people wait until their 30s to have kids - they're starting their lives, enjoying life a little, getting to experience things like travel and life in general, then settling down and having kids. They're more mature, more experienced in life, are better off financially, and more prepared to be parents.

My wife and I are 30 and we have a 1 month old right now. The main reason we waited until 30 though was we wanted to move back to OH/PA to live near family. Texas living had its perks but no family meant no support system and we didn't want to deal with that.

Kids are still a scary thought at age 39.

Quite honestly...
Check with her Dr. or OBGYN. There is a time in a woman's life where the chances of having normal, healthy children starts to decline. I think there are statistics that say about 35 starts the "danger zone", but I'm not a Dr (although I DID actually stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night). Have a candid conversation with her Dr about it. He/She will give you the best advice. Not that there is anything wrong with asking Browns fans about having....more Browns fans

As for you, there isn't a huge difference between 33 and 43 to start having kids. You're gonna be tired, grumpy and still love them all the same. When that child graduates HS, is there a big difference between 51 and 61? Won't matter...you'll feel old regardless by then.

I'm hitting 60 and our oldest grandchild is 6. I like the idea that I will hopefully watch them grow the way our kids did.

On the other hand your generation will probably have a longer life span, so I'd go with what a lot have said and say jump in and hang on.

It's no different than any other HUGE LIFE CHANGING event!

Just do it man. The rest is in your head.

Before we had our daughter, we travelled, we were told that once you have a child you will never travel again. We took 5 Vegas trips, Mexico, NYC, Miami, LA... Then we had our daughter. I am 32 (33 next week) and my wife is 39(for the people who know me shhhh or she will kill me)

Yes we are old in most parents standards but we were able to finish our education, save money and get the travelling bug out of our system and be in a better position to provide for our daughter. It's really up to you on when you are ready. And from my perspective you have time.

The 35 year old and over "high risk" pregnancy issue is not that big of an issue. Women are having children well into their 40s. Also they do a test see how a old a woman's body to actually conceive and to have a successful pregnancy, so that should tell you about risks and other issues.

Having a child has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Yes, I miss my drunken Vegas vacations, (that will never happen again) but it was 1000% worth the trade.

You've got a handful of years yet. Enjoy.

It's no wonder that you don't have any kids! There is some "effort" required to get to first base. I was 42 and my wife 37 when we had our last (of 4) boy. Whoever said 35 for a woman to have her first is in the ballpark, dependant of many factors tough...

I just wanted to reiterate this statement. While not a doctor I am married to a Geneticist. Men make new sperm everyday, but a women's full allotment of eggs are made at a very early age. As these eggs age the chances that they are exposed to something that could cause a potential damaging mutation go up the longer they sit. This means that the chances that of a healthy full term pregnancy will begin to decline when the women reaches middle age. However none of this will matter if the male is sending out non viable gametes. Therefore I would recommend having kids sooner rather than latter. My wife and I are are 33 and we are looking to have our second.

That being said. I think that you need to change the focus of your question. Instead of asking "am I too old to have kids", you need to honestly decide if you want kids?

If you want kids, then your age will not matter. You will find a way to make it work.

Lemmy, you are just fine. Our son came along later in life. We were always the ones crawling through the tubes at chukee cheese, swimming and interacting with him while younger parents sat and gabbed on their phones. As parents, we were the ones having too much fun!!!

As older parents, we had already experienced life as younger adults. We were ready for the next phase of life. Consequently, we were totally focused on our child and making our life together one of fufillment and fun.

It really doesn't matter age or how a family comes to be. What matters is the love and fullness of the life you create together for you and your child.

One thing I do know is once you hold that little life in your arms, your world will never, ever be the same......I say that with a smile!

Good luck with this life changing decision.

I was 14.

started early huh?

That's how they roll in Oklahoma.

Never started.

A rolling Tulsan gathers no binkies.

I deceided I was to old at 23.

Of course we had two kids already, my wife had her tubes cut and tied, and if I would have knocked up somebody else I would have become John Wayne Bobbits older brother

Kids have a way of making you work the other stuff out.

There are some health risks involved in waiting. You might want to research that a bit. I wont share my own story, but for those health reasons and the fact that they go up as you age my wife and I are done.

I had my daughter when I was 38 and my son when I was 40.
Both surprises.

I have a freind 2 years older than I am and he has 11 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren...so who knows when the right time is.

I say when its time then its the right time.


TBT my daughter has a little tint of red hair... I assume that was rust in the pipes

My sister had her first son at 18. Just had her last son two years ago at 41. With two boys in between.
Certainly there are health risks. As others have said listen to the OBGYN.
Me. I'm 42. I've managed to avoid having the scariest of all STDs...children. But if it's what you want I feel it's best that you have waited. Older parents tend to be more stable and emotionally, financially, mentally ready to take on the task of raising a family. Even if they're more easily exhausted by the pace.
Good luck.

Rust LMAO

My mother and father had me when they were 30. My brothers are 4 years younger than me, so my mother and father were 34 when they had them.

I would assume that, as long as the parts work, and it is safe, that anyone can be a parent even into their 40s. Why not? People live longer and longer, so why not have children, as long as it's safe, whenever your timetable says?

All good advice so far.

I'd say start ASAP because you might not be able to have a baby when you are "ready". My wife and I took VERY careful precautions throughout our courtship and for the first six months after we were married. When we were finally ready to get pregnant, it didn't happen. We had tried on our own for 6 months before we sought help. We found out that my swimmers were a little slow. Another 2 years went by with us trying various methods, and they weren't cheap, before were we lucky enough to get pregnant.

Let me tell you, that was a ROUGH 2.5 years.

It was all very worth the trouble though. I don't think I could go through all the shots, waiting and hoping again.

But good luck.

As for financially being ready, you'll never, ever, ever be ready, so just jump right in. Hopefully you have some parental help to avoid daycare costs. We were paying $1,600/month here in Chicago (downtown).

I have several friends that had a child at, or shortly after, age 40.
For me, however, that was a little too old to start. I didn't want to be trying to play catch or keep up with a teenager at age 55, so for me, that was the cutoff point.


I'd say that if you're just getting ready to turn 33, you have a LOT of time, yet.

I was born in the days before birth control. My dad was 54 and my mom 42. That is probably too late. I have sisters that had children at 15. Theat is too young. 30s are a good age, I tend to not think that beyond 40 is good idea.

I simply believe it's an individual choice. There's no right or wrong answer to the question. How one person chooses to live their life is just that, their choice.

My choice was to have children early in life. It's my belief that good health is not promised to anyone. So I wanted to have my children while I was young enough to be extremely physically active. Things like baseball, football, sports in general, fishing and hunting. I wanted to create the best odds of being able to be young and active during this part of their life.

I also wanted my children to be grown before I was very old so that I had plenty of time to enjoy the empty nest. It's nice to be enjoying grandchildren at my age.

But not everyone sees this the same and there is no right or wrong answer.

there is one major down side to having kids late...

my friends are having mid life crisis and they get to buy a Camaro or something cool... I have to worry about college tuition.

I had my last biological child at 43 and we adopted Edwin when I was 45. For me, I had all of the energy in the world to keep up with them until they were about 12, then it got a lot harder. Still am able to be a volunteer skating coach, and a volunteer Challenger Baseball coach, but don't have the energy I used to have. And then there's putting them through college at close to our retirement age, glad we have most of it saved.

I finally slipped one past the goalie at 37. We never once used birth control, we both had surgeries, in vitro fertilization, artificial insemination, and other things. Once we resigned ourselves to the fact that it wasn't going to happen, it did. I was ready to blast the next bastage that said we were trying too hard, but it turned out they were right.

We had our twins when I was 38. They are 13 now and I have no problem keeping up with them. Man, 33 is not old you will be fine.

My youngest (of four) turns 25 this year, so if you would like some sage advice: DON'T DO IT!

Seriously find a cute kid around the neighborhood or take up babysitting on Saturday Nights... Anything to fill the need as long as you can send them home afterwards, not have to go through the teen years when they think you are the worst human being ever or have to be financially and emotionally supportive 24-7 for 30 years.

Don't take me wrong, I love my kids but nobody ever has to ask me if I had to do it over again would I do it differently; just sayin'.