DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Everything Else... First Time Dad...any advice?

Hey guys,

I am going to a father for the first time come August 9th. We just found out yesterday we are having a boy. I cant help but be extremely excited yet extremely nervous. Dont get me wrong, I am not nervous about having a child and caring for one emotionally, but more so with just how the world is these days, and how hard financially it is going to be.

The system is not set up for working adults to be able to afford a baby anymore. The cost of everthing makes it nearly impossible for their to be a stay at home parent, yet the cost of daycare is almost enough to make you quit your job and stay home. it Really is a tough thing when you think about it. It is not nearly as simple as it was when I was growing up and I am actually pretty young (29).

Bu any advice would be greatly appreciated. At least I already started the little bugger on the right path and bought some browns gear for him. His other grandparents wont like it cause their Steeler fans. I already threw away an outfit they bought him!

Congratulations 1day! You are blessed.

Make every moment count...start now...time flies

Always be there to guide; not judge

Allow for individual thoughts while guiding him in a productive direction

Your son needs to know he is loved and accepted...for whatever he is

Support him in his endeavors

Hug him EVERY day and say "I love you"

Listen with an open mind

This comes from a Mom who married one of the best Dads ever!!!

Good luck!

First Congrats! There's really no certain way to raise your kids, I'd stay away from "How To" Books, cause they try to get you to raise your kids like THEY think you should. Which might not be how YOU want them to be raised.

I have 3 kids and their all over 20 yrs. old now. The thing that sticks out for me is......Action speaks louder than words. Young kids pay alot of attention to how you act and not so much of what you say. I was suprised to find that when talking with my kids, what they remember most is how I acted in certain situations. If you fly off the handle and start cussing someone out, then tell them not to do it, it won't work.

If you are polite and treat people with respect, you'll notice your kids will follow right along. Like I said Action is what they take after. Now I know things are not all the time rosey, but you can be a big influence and raise your kids to be respectful in the eyes of
others. Hope this helps

Not a father myself, so I'd be of little help ... but congratulations to you guys!

And tell him not to root for the Browns

Advice, don't listen to your parents, or grandparents on how they raised you and your siblings ect... They will have their opinions and some stuff might make sense however the only person you should listen to is, your son, your wife and your doctor.

(Example, Doctors says put baby on their back when they go to sleep, old school people say its dumb and to put the baby on their stomach, listen to the doctor)

Have fun, you will mess up, but they are very forgiving and resilient!

My daughter now is 20 months, and it has been a very interesting road and I love every second of it. We've had some very "O SH!!!!!, ER room now!" moments, that were are fault and weren't our fault but she still wakes up and gives us a hug (most days lol)

1) Sleep all you can before the baby comes.

2) It will be hard. The first year may be the hardest of your life. You may feel resentment for your partner, but that is probably because you are tired.

3) You and/or your partner may or may not feel an immediate attachment to your child. That's OK. It will happen as you take care of your child and you will come to care for your kid more than you ever thought possible.

4) Your child is observing what you are doing at all times, and it's shaping who they will become. Remember that.

I hope you liked being pooped, peed, and puked on, as you will probably get a lot of it. My kids always preferred to puke on me instead of their mom, and I still don't understand why.

I've also found the best way for a new dad to nap is to put the kid on your chest and lay on the couch. The kid will nap, you will nap, and your wife will assume you're bonding.

Communicate, keep that line of communication open, respect their opinions while trying to guide them.

When they get older, and do things you wrong, don't just yell or berate them, but explain why what they did is wrong.

Keep punishment fair and just, especially if you have more than one child, that each child's punishment fits not only the child, but also the crime.

DO NOT serve punishment for major infractions while you are angry. Whenever possible take time to cool down before sitting down with them to go over the incident.

Teach them early the things you wish to be natural as they get older. It is easier to teach a young child no, than to retrain a spoiled teenager.

And while it may seem minor, sitting down at the table with the family for dinner, and having conversation about each other's day, will have more influence on them when they are grown, than you would ever imagine. And it's a great opportunity to connect with each other, young and old.

Congratulations!!!

The best parenting book I'm aware of is Parental Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon http://www.amazon.com/Parent-Effectiveness-Training-Responsible-Children/dp/0609806939 It has advice on how to negotiate with children without the usual spanking/time outs which is can be very difficult to do if you aren't educated on the subject.

I can dig up a lot of statistics and resources if you like, but I recommend you educate yourself on parenting. The benefits of breastfeeding for 2-3 years, the massive benefits of having a stay at home parent (IQ, Happiness, career success, health), the benefits of non-violent parenting (same areas).

It is pretty difficult financially to have one parent staying home with the children, but reams of evidence point towards it being fundamental in the happiness and success of your child. Fundamentally kids won't notice or care about luxuries like the size of your house or even what food you can eat, they want access to mommy and daddy time. Get as much of that as possible for your child and they will grow up responsible, respectful, caring, intelligent, and successful adults.

Outside of my reams of advice, once again major congratulations

Don't take any moment of it for granted? I have twins, boy and girl, and I spend as much time with them as I can. They are born and before you know it they are 9, that's their ages. The cool thing is you get to relive your childhood at christmas through them, watching them open presents and you get to play with the toys.

The best thing I can tell you is just be there for them, and help them no matter what happens. Also, if you let the baby sleep in your bedroom, when it turns 1 month old kick it out to it's bedroom. Trust me don't let them stay in your room.

Thanks everyone. Some great advice!

Congratulations

1. IMMERSE HIM IN BROWNS HISTORY...

2. DON'T BE AFRAID TO DISCIPLINE HIM ALL CHILDREN NEED TO UNDERSTAND THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES AND WHO IS IN CHARGE (AUTHORITY)...

3. SPEND AS TIME WITH HIM AS YOU CAN ...

4. LOVE HIM WITH A GODLY LOVE ...

Congrats kid. Keep in mind there has never really been a good time to raise a kid. The World is what it is and life goes on. He probably won't have to drop down into the bunker while the Soviets put Nukes in Cuba. He won't have to learn "Duck and Cover" like some of us did in grade school. He also won't have the pleasure of waving to the man spraying DDT from the truck as he drives down the street. He won't have to face Bullys now that they are illegal.

My son had the innate ability to pee at the exact moment I took his diaper off..



Until he rolls off you..

I am more so worried about where the country is headed in general. The student loan crisis that will eventually bring down our economy, facebook and twitter has changed this world to being the most ignorant yet self promoting people ever to have existed. I mean, how can I say to my child you need to go to college to get 100K in debt to make 12./hr? ?

I really think that this next generation is screwed beyond screwed due to a lot greed from past generations.

As far as discipline, I have never been against a spank or paddle when it has been called for, and I can say without a doubt that it has kept me out of jail in my life.

As he ages, keep this first and foremost in your mind: Parenting is TIME spent with him, not money spent ON him.

Time. Celebrate the little things. I have a son and a daughter, they learned from me, I learned (and am still learning) from them.

Time. Reading to them. Playing dorky board games with them - age appropriate. (those games aren't dorky to the kid). Things like that might seem at the time to be a huge waste of your time, trust me, it's not.

As he gets older.......time. He'll pick up on some of your interests, he'll have his own. Follow through on both.

Laugh.

Know that you'll most likely always feel inadequate. Know that, conversely, your son will most likely look up to you like you're the greatest ever. (and along with that, there will come a time he thinks you're the dumbest ever)

Fair discipline.

Time.

No yelling in a negative manner.

To expand on the toy thing:

The toys are a lot cooler than toys in my day, but a lot of them make annoying noises. Building toys can be fun, but beware of toys with stickers you have to apply (I was never any good at that). Don't be disappointed when you buy your kid a really cool toy for his first Christmas or birthday, and he plays with the box. Never go barefoot after buying Legos. Barbie takes 15-20 minutes to cut out of the box, so get a good set of electrician's scissors. The more parts the toy has, the more parts your kid will lose. The last thing is to teach your kids that toys are not replaceable when they break them, and they should take care of their things.

Then send him to trade school to be a plumber or electrician. The 'throw away' generation being raised today will need those people when they can't figure out how to throw out a toilet when it gets clogged. He'll probably make more than an engineer too.

I have many younger buds who became HVAC experts, Plumbers and Carpenters and they have no debt and live a good life. Perhaps a College education is a bill of goods sold to you by people pushing an agenda.

Personally I think this past generation has provided you with everything you need to have a better life than they did. You must provide the brains to adapt and excel in this world.

I have 3 successfully raised children who are all grown and successful. I bet I can count on one hand how many times I ever hit them. Total.

It sounds like you want to be a good dad, that's usually enough. Trust your instincts.

I need to remind myself to help with kids homework, set time aside for play, and to give them a break sometimes on learning to be a kid (it's not as easy as we might think).

As for the first year, you won't remember much. Stay positive and get sleep where you can. As the kid approaches two, they get more fun.

When you set your mind to taking care of your family first, you will always find a way to making sure their needs are met. Going up poor with lots of love never killed anyone that I know of...

And hopefully new opportunities will come along to help you provide. Your mind is in the right place young man, so the rest of it is just the journey.

Congrats...

Discipline him firm but fairly and never in anger.

Do not expect from him what you don't expect from yourself.

You will make mistakes, he will make mistakes.. your wife will make mistakes ( though she will not admit them.. JK ).

as they age allow them to grow.

Show them all things that you can (within reason) but understand while you can teach many things... you can not teach them to love the same things you do... ie sports, music, religion to name a few.. let them find their own way to love what they will and how they will.

take time.. to spend time with them, play catch even when you are too tired.

everyday thank your GOD for the time you had and the time yet to come. The time will go fast... cliché I know but it is true

Celebrate victories, support defeats and never judge based on what someone else's ideals are. LAUGH!

They listen even though they act like they don't, they imitate the things you wish they didn't see..your heart will lead you... listen to it.

don't just listen to them... hear them... there is a difference.

ENJOY !!

I don't have kids. Never wanted them, and am perfectly happy without them.

That said, I have seen a lot of kids brought up by others, and here is some things I would do if I had a kid.

Start reading to them almost immediately. It is a great bonding experience, and even before they can understand what you're saying, they will enjoy hearing your voice.

Encourage your child's imagination. Encourage them to dream.

Set rules, and enforce them. Speak to your child about what they are allowed to do, and why they are not allowed to do what you do not allow them. Do not be afraid to be frank in your discussions, and don't just say: "Because I said so".

Take them to church every week. Have them be involved in your church from the word go. Have family time to sit down and read from the Bible.

As soon as they are able, assign them tasks to do around the house. Teaching them responsibility early really pays off.

Always reinforce their value as a person, and as a member of the family. Never let them feel like you don't care, or that you never have time to hear them out about things. If they can't go to you, they'll go to someone to unload, and for advice, and it may not be what you would tell them.

Expect polite behavior from your child. You may not always get it, but leave no room for doubt that it is the expectation, and the way he, (and you, of course) should live.

Have a "family time", when you can get together and do something together as a family. Maybe it's a board game ... maybe cards ..... just something that reinforces the family as a unit.

Those are a few things I would do if I had a child. (and that I have done with some of the children of girls I have dated) I would also add that you have to trust your child as they get older, but always within the boundaries you have set for them.

And most importantly, remember all this advice we all gave, is from learning, most of us learned these tips along the journey, from friends, from family, etc.

Parenting is not a perfect science, and there is no one-size-fits-all method.

This !!!

and

YTown is right... take him to church... but don't stuff your religion down his throat... let him see, live and learn to find his GOD...

You should also have the kid on your lap and point at the words as you read. Before you know it, you'll have a 3 year old reading Faust.

or saying the damn staple is in the way as you unfold the centerfold

Realize this, 1day, that cliche "Time flies" holds 100% true. As I'm typing this I am looking at my 11 year old daughter. It really seems like last year or last week that she was born. One minute, we are enrolling her in pre-school, the next blink, she's in middle school. I truly don't know where the time went.
Most of the advice here has been sage advice.

I'm too flawed of a man to offer any kind of profound suggestions to help you. But, here's what I'll say:

Your life from here on out should be devoted to that child. Every decision you make impacts them directly. You will love the child more than you ever imagined. Just try to be the best person you can! Unfortunately, I'm still working on that part....

BTW - Congratulations!!!

Advice #1: Keep him away from those grandparents, they will be a bad influence on him.

Advice #2: Always/Always build him up with encouragement. What I did with my son, whom I've had sole custody of since he was 3 yrs old, (he's now 26), was to consistently tell him he is intelligent and can do and be successful at anything he sets his mind to. In a way I've created a monster of sorts. He has grown to have an abundance of confidence, even in areas in which he has had no experience. But through his belief in himself he has backed up that confidence by succeeding at anything he tries. Encourage your son always and be slow to criticize him.

Advice #3: Don't worry about the money. That's the least of it. The most important aspect is the relationship between you and his mother and then the two of you and your son. Build a happy, loving, supportive family despite the money. Love trumps money every time. Besides, even if you're poor your son won't know it until he's old enough to realize it and by then he won't care if he feels loved.

Advice #4: Think twice about daycare. In fact, think three times about it. Daycare means that for 9+ hours every day someone else is raising your child, leaving you and your wife the remaining 3 or so hours before bedtime every day. I never used daycare for that reason. I didn't want someone else raising my son. I wanted him raised with my values and my influence, not those of someone else.

Please find this thread in August and bring it up once your son is born.

As far as parental advice, I sucked as a dad. I wish I could learn from all the mistakes I made. Now my kids are in their early 20s and are not interested in having anything to do with me. In my defense, my parents died when I was young; dad when I was 6, mom when I was 14. So I had less than ideal role models. Still, that's no excuse.

Advice? Think about the kid(s) before yourself on all matters. I didn't.

Good advice..........but concerning point 2 - make sure it is deserved praise. In other words, don't coddle the kid by saying things like "Oh, you're the best at............ when they actually stink at it.

Don't tell they they stink at it, either.

Encourage - don't heap false praise.

Thank you everyone. There is some great advice on here. It seems so easy, yet I know it is not and will be the most trying and rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.

Its amazing to see from your comments that we are all beer drinking, rough, sports fanatics, but when it comes to your families you can tell by your words the softness, caring, and love you all have for your children.

Congrats,, That's terrific news. I'm very happy for you and your spouse.

As for advice, sorry.. I got nothing for you. No kids here.

We have twins, so I'm thinking you should be able to do this with one hand tied behind your back.

Just kidding. LOL.

Congrats. Enjoy. Don't panic. Work (it is WORK) with your wife as a team. Take advice but don't let anyone with more experience spook you into doing what you guys aren't comfortable doing.

ZIPPERS. Maybe snaps. Don't fumble around with buttons when it comes to clothing.

Best thing I did was to let my wife be the dreaded "sleep Nazi". Starting around 4-5 months, put him on a dedicated sleep schedule for naps and overnight sleeping. Same time every day. Don't let grandma or grandpa screw it up either.

Letting him cry it out may seem harsh but after having been through it with 2 sons now, it was totally worth it. They both are excellent sleepers.

Read to him. A lot. The silliness rhythmic pattern of Dr Suess books is almost like listening to music.

Oh yeah, have some sort of music or noise in the background when he is sleeping too. That way, you won't need to tiptoe around the house during nap time.

AVOID BAD EATING HABITS AT ALL COSTS! Don't fall for the "Chicken Fingers", "Macaroni", etc garbage they have on kids menus at restaurants. Teach him to eat right and don't give in when he wants nothing but McDonalds.

Finally, and this may be the most important point here...
Have patience with your wife. You will NOT be the most important thing in her life for a while after he's born. The most stressful time for any marriage is around that 1-2 years after having your first kid. This is where I've seen many husbands stray...don't fall for it. She's gonna be very tired and not in the mood. Help her around the house as much as possible but don't expect much in return. It will return to normal eventually.

Have patience and enjoy the little things as much as possible... Goes by way too quickly.... I agree kids need structure and discipline... But they also need to play and they need their dad to play with them....

Yeah, those stupid card games, or board games....War, Memory, Chutes and ladders, etc. I spent literally hours a week playing those with my daughter. I was bored, but tried to never let on. Now, it's card games for adults - and she's good.

Playing catch (softball) when a hardly rolling ground ball was a struggle for her, and throwing it back to me meant me having to walk forwards, backwards, left or right to get the ball? Wasn't the most fun for me - but it was a blast for her. Now? We start off slow, for "her" to warm up (read that as: for the old man to warm up)

She's firing the ball - I'm defending myself.

Same with hitting. Used to be underhand pitch, 20 swings before any contact. Now it's "dad, can't you throw any faster?" (fastpitch - but I'm no master)

Used to be "okay, I'll paint your toe nails and finger nails, then brush your hair....blah blah blah.....and then she'd paint my toenails. Now, it's "dad, just let me do my nails myself, and "the pony tails you do are crooked."

They grow up. The day to day seems to go slow - the years go so fast.

I have a poem in my office - don't know the author, but it's not me. Called "The Last Time" There will be a last time for everything. Last time you change a diaper. Last time you feed your kid. Last time they climb into your bed in the middle of the night.....etc.

Beautiful poem; the author is unknown, arch'...

I remember that night. It had snowed about 2 feet outside during the day, and the moon was full. My bedroom was lit up like daylight due to the reflection off the snow.

My daughter would climb into my bed every night and get between me and my wife. I usually had to carry her back after she smacked or kicked me or my wife awake, which happened quite often.

That last night, she was just starting to climb into the bed, and something woke me up. My daughter was about 2 1/2 at the time. When I woke up, I saw a figure on my side near the foot of the bed, and I jumped. I kicked my daughter in the face, right above the bridge of her nose, with the top of my foot. She stopped, blinked a few times, and walked out of my room. I followed her into her room to check on her. I got back to my room, and my wife asked me if I kicked her, and I told her yes. My wife asked if she was OK, and I told her that our daughter climbed back into her bed and fell back asleep before I got in there to check on her. That was the last time she climbed into our bed.