DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Tailgate Forum Morons of 2006

Don't know if these are actually true . . . but they are good for a laugh

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.



2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."



3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.



4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.



5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".



6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"



7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!



8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and t he propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

hehe, those are funny.

Quote:

---

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

---

Now that's pretty rediculous. But that's what boating brings out in people.

When i was 15 or 16 i went to see the fireworks and got stoned. We had no lights, just a flash light and so i wanted to leave before everyone got around us. Well i couldn't get the boat to go forwards because the engine would just stop, only backwards. I drove back to my yacht club in the dark backwards, like notorious BIG's video hypnotise (i think that's how you spell it). Upon reaching the entrance to the harbor, someone yelled at me to pull up my anchor.

I forgot to pullup the anchor, and so the line would get caught in the prop if i was going forwards, where as if i was going backwards it would shoot out. ( That was pretty dumb) My boat was going so slow in reverse because we were dragging it along the whole time, lol.

Nice!

Quote:

---

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

---

I love stupid criminal stories. #5 is great too.

#2 is great. I'd have to let the guy go on the pretense of the police department being such dumbasses. The guy had to be dying.

Hilarious!

Can't wait to see the list for 07.

lmao...