DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Palus Politicus Political Jokes

He acts like he's never heard of Superbrown or Throwlong.

The list is MUCH deeper than that.

I know but those were the first obvious ones at the top of my list.

Actually I thought he was quite gracious in his concession speech. Probably the most cognizant group of words he has strung together since his campaign began.

So is voting 100 percent Repub. or 100 percent Dem. Just because they have a R or a D next to them on the ballet, when the voter has ZERO clue about the individual running. No wonder so many people laugh at politics.

Where else to put but here.
Home Remedies are bad, not to be trusted they told me, yet
am I going to ignore that when the battery acid fell on the ground, they handed me a box of regular baking soda, labled regular baking soda and when it went on the acid, that appeared to be just li@uid there,
it fizzed and bubbled in a reaction that clearly was neutralizing the acid.

Now, the regular baking soda was not a drug named and provided by a billion dollar drug company like Pfizer, so their politics are a joke.

A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything except office.

j/c:

The pentagon said they had too many generals running around, so they decided to get rid of some of them.
They offered $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body to be measured however they chose.
The Air Force general went first.
He said he wanted to be measured from his head to his toe.
He was 69 inches. He received $690,000.
Next up was the Army general.
He wanted to be measured from the tip of his finger to the tip of his other finger.
It was 80 inches. He received $800,000.
The two generals were very happy with their earnings.
Finally the Marine general came up.
He said he wanted to be measured from the tip of his penis to the tip of his balls.
The man said, "Sir, do you know how much the other generals received?"
The general said no. "Sir, they received $690,000 and $800,000 respectively, are you sure that is what you want measured?"
The general said, "Just do it!"
The man dropped the general's pants and measured his penis.
When he went for the general's balls, they weren't there.
The man said, "Sir, where are your balls."
The general said, "I left them back in Vietnam."

j/c:

j/c:

This vid was on the page from one of your other BB posts. Hilarious.

j/c:

I know I always limit my fentanyl intake to about ten pounds per day... just to be on the safe side.

Kamala manages to keep a straight face. 🤣

j/c:

ahead of time, 8 to fifteen years ago. nobody else would buy a wild joke of an idea, annex mexico, to solve the border crisis because the border at the bottom of Mexico is not ten thousand miles wide.
Well the political joke's on me because 8 to fifteen years later the story yesterday was the cartels are stronger than the government in Mexico. so, now one might guess, annex? war with cartel? liberate? call it what you want, eventually>> in the future, for the USA to remain safe annexing Mexico my be inevitable. like it or not, .. as.. that is what inevitable means. unavoidable, like it or not.
the point is this crazy mind is ahead of its time and everyone who was ever ahead of their time was almost always mocked.
That mockery makes this a political joke. .. joke? alright, let's try to make one up.

two politicians walk into a bar.
They both ask for a drink.
The bartender says to the politician on the LEFT, " I can't serve those politicians on the right.
and the then the bartender says to the politician on the RIGHT "I can't serve those politicians on the left.
but he gives them both a drink.
well first my mind asks? who is the bartender? what is the name of the drink? and.. are they left or right from the view behind the drinkers, or the view behind the bartender? ...

Well here goes.. political joke, unfunny.
the bartender would be named Ralph Nader?
the drink would be so strong it would make you see not straight which would make left=right and right= left.

and 3rd, and of course, the bartender can serve them both a drink because somebody holds up a mirror, behind the drinnkers, or 2 mirrors or 3, whatever it takes
to make the drinker on the left appear to be also on the right and the other one the other way.
now? who held the mirror? of Course it was the K.G.B. so

Two politicians walk into a bar, the bartender says to the one on the left, I don't serve those politicians on the right
and the bartender says to the one on the right, I don't serve those politicians on the left, but then he hands them both a drink.
Why?
because the KGB was standing behind them holding up a mirror. 'between them' holding up a mirror.

Two politicians walk into a bar holding a double sided mirror between them
Bartender says "what's with the double sided mirror dumbcenssored's"
they answer in unison " I don't/didn't want to appear to be on the" and one says LEFT, and the other says RIGHT.

He’s looking straight into the devils eye while clapping for himself. Lol typical god fearing Goper. What a joke.

Kamala Harris Assures Public No One Has Given Her Single Classified Document

WASHINGTON—Stressing that there was a “zero-percent chance” she had mishandled sensitive information, Vice President Kamala Harris assured the American public Friday that no one had given her a single classified document. “Not to look at, not even to hold—frankly, I couldn’t even tell you where they’re kept,” said Harris, who held a press conference to announce that even if she had had access to classified government documents, she wouldn’t dream in a million years of taking her work home with her, and that most of the binders in her office were empty anyway.

“Please take comfort when I say I have no security clearance, on any level. My key fob doesn’t even work most days, and I have to text someone on my staff to come let me in. Yesterday, I stood outside the White House in the cold for 15 minutes before anyone came to get me.” At press time, Harris admitted that she had once taken home a roll of paper towels.

https://www.theonion.com/kamala-harris-assures-public-no-one-has-given-her-singl-1849986487

I know it's from the Onion. But the sad thing is, I could believe it.

What was the punchline of your joke?

Q: What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?

A: In a capitalist society, man exploits man, and in a socialist one, it’s the other way around.

Kid: Dad, I want to be in politics when I grow up.
Dad: Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron?
Kid: Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements.

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?

j/c

HEY!!! Where the jokes at?
I came here for the jokes.
I can get this garden variety snarky back & forth in any number of current threads in this forum.

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1. This one's a classic- and might already have been posted here:

A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don't know where I am."
"You're at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies.
"You must be a Democrat."
"I am. How did you know?"
"Because everything you told me is technically correct, but the information is useless, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've been no help."
"You must be a Republican."
"Yes. How did you know?"
"You've risen to where you are due to a lot of hot air, you made a promise you couldn't keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."


2. "Because it would be hilarious," is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.


3. The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.


4. The NSA: a government organization that actually listens to you!


5. Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: Senator.


6. Politics is the most accurate word in the English language.
Poly = many. Ticks = blood sucking parasites.

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Hey, GM: This is now my second attempt at CPR/defibrillation. I keep trying, but these fools ain't helpin' us one bit.

If this same patient comes into my ER one more time, I'm skipping the pretense. I'm invoking 'no heroic measures,' coding this b# out, calling time of death- and sending the corpse directly to the hospital morgue. Let the ME sort out the details. ER Junkies with a death wish are stealing valuable time/talent/resources from other more deserving ER patients.

Amazing.
The fights. The beef. The drive-by put-downs and gotchas.


Gad, this is pathetic.

Lol

from google.

2 conspiracy theorists
walk into a bar.
...

you can't tell me that
was just a coincidence, man.

You and SB no doubt.

What is the problem with the right and left political movements?
They are like divorced parents who care more about getting the kids to hate the other one than they are their well-being.

That’s no joke. Sad.

The funniest jokes have some truth to them.

Well they must be Biden's. There's no way you would ever catch trump going to a Walmart.