Lauren Boebert withstood the pressure to change her vote on the Epstein Files, so now Mike Johnson is less likely to get into Heaven than a woman who gave a handjob in a theater.
Andy Borowitz
Intoducing for The Cleveland Browns, Quarterback Deshawn "The Predator" Watson. He will also be the one to choose your next head coach.
Trump didn't win the Nobel Prize, but after Putin looked over Trump's "peace proposal" on Ukraine which was a list of Putin's every wish, he did name trump the Russian employee of the month.
Intoducing for The Cleveland Browns, Quarterback Deshawn "The Predator" Watson. He will also be the one to choose your next head coach.
WASHINGTON—Calling it “maybe the greatest honor in the world, quite frankly,” Donald J. Trump said on Wednesday that the International Criminal Court in The Hague has invited him to receive an award.
“They said it was in response to things I’ve done as president,” Trump told reporters. “It will probably be some kind of medal or maybe a gleaming gold trophy.”
Trump revealed that he will not be The Hague’s sole honoree, noting, “They also invited Pete. They said he deserves special recognition.”
Calling The Hague invitation “much better than a stupid Nobel,” Trump quipped, “They never invited Obama!”
Andy Borowitz
Intoducing for The Cleveland Browns, Quarterback Deshawn "The Predator" Watson. He will also be the one to choose your next head coach.
