DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Palus Politicus Poltical Jokes Part 5

Historians generally agree that at least 42 known assassination attempts or plots were made on Adolf Hitler's life between the 1930s and 1945. These attempts ranged from solitary gunmen and poison plots to complex, high-level military conspiracies, with many failing due to unexpected changes in Hitler’s schedule, faulty equipment, or luck.

Another swing and a miss!

Late Breaking News!

Trump announced from The White House today that he has officially appointed Captain Jack Sparrow in charge of opening the Strait of Hormuz. He said he was going to appoint Hannibal Lecter as Sparrow's top aid and advisor on opening the strait until he remembered that Lecter had died.

Did rump loan it to her?

That is hilarious

The urban dictionary announced today that they have officially changed the term Uncle Tom to Uncle Clarence.

I've been calling him "Uncle Thomas" for decades.

Sometimes comedy and irony intersect.

Even the gas pump at my local gas station is getting sick of this crap! I filled my tank up yesterday and the total came to $86.47.

Xi and Putin Reach Agreement on Joint Ownership of Trump

BEIJING (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it a landmark deal, on Monday Presidents Xi Jinping of China and Vladimir Putin of Russia inked an agreement to jointly own Donald J. Trump.

According to sources familiar with the deal, the two leaders crafted a timeshare arrangement under which each will have the right to use Trump when the other is not.

Putin and Xi scooped up Trump at a bargain price since they acquired him in distressed or “as is” condition, sources said.

Both presidents were reportedly offered joint ownership of Eric Trump but passed.

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/xi...;triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish.

A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

“You will understand,” he said, “the seal of the confessional can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago, I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and…

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”