DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Palus Politicus Poltical Jokes Part 5

Thanks. It isn't hard to see.

WASHINGTON—In a testy Oval Office meeting on Monday, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy rejected Donald J. Trump’s desperate pleas for military aid.

Referring to Iran’s ability to shut down the Strait of Hormuz, Zelenskyy said, “Iran has cards. You don’t have any cards.”

“You’re gambling with World War III,” he added.

Turning to Vice President JD Vance, Zelenskyy scolded, “Ukraine has kept Russia from attacking NATO for four years, and you haven’t said ‘thank you’ once.”

Andy Borowitz

Markwayne Mullins while testifying before congress today said that anyone claiming he has anger issues will be kicked directly in the face.

He then took issue with Sen Rand Paul’s characterization of him as someone who advocates political violence, stating, “Say that again, Four Eyes, and I’ll step on your stupid wire-rimmed goggles and make you eat the glass.”

Andy Borowitz

I've gotten a few of the strangest robocalls this week. It sounds like some unhinged lunatic asking me if I have any naval vessels I'm willing to contribute to help open the Strait of Hormuz.

Anyone else been getting these kind of calls?

News from the future!

Immediately after being elected as president in 2028 Gavin Newsom officially changed the name of the Trump National Doral Miami to the Golf of Mexico.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/msnbcnewsjunkies/posts/3374520519376468/

Many a true word spoken in jest....

Trump made it official today. "I am removing secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy and appointing Tiger Woods to take his place. With all of Tiger's experience in the field of vehicle crashes it make him more qualified to hold the position than Sean Duffy could ever possibly be. Thank you for your attention to this matter."

Iran Agrees to End War Only if There is Regime Change in U.S.

"Such a madman must not be allowed to possess nuclear weapons," the Ayatollah said. Iran’s ultimatum gained the support of Greenland, Canada, and the rest of NATO.

Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON—In what experts are calling one of the most remarkable comebacks for a convicted sex offender in recent memory, on Thursday Donald J. Trump announced that he was replacing Attorney General Pam Bondi with Ghislaine Maxwell.

Explaining his decision, Trump said, "Pam said there’s a client list, and Ghislaine said there isn't. So I have decided Ghislaine would be better at this job than Pam."

In another stunning reversal of fortune, Trump announced that Bondi would be taking Maxwell’s place in prison, adding, “I wish her well.”

He said he was confident that Maxwell would receive speedy confirmation by Senate Republicans, noting, “If they confirmed Hegseth they’ll confirm anyone.”

Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON—Furious about the Supreme Court’s refusal to approve a number of his executive orders, Donald J. Trump complained on Thursday that he has been treated “very unfairly” by the people who wrote the United States Constitution.

“If the Constitution prevented me from doing one or two things, I’d chalk that up to bad luck,” he said. “But when literally everything I want to do is magically a violation of the Constitution, that’s very unfair and bad treatment.”

Lashing out at the document’s authors, Trump said that “America is a great country, but we have maybe the worst constitution writers in the world.”

“Russia has much better constitution writers than we do,” he said. “I talked to Putin, and he said their constitution never gives him problems.”

In an ominous warning, Trump said that he was putting the writers of the U.S. Constitution “on notice” and would have the DOJ investigate them for mortgage fraud.

Andy Borowitz