DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Palus Politicus Poltical Jokes Part 5

Thanks. It isn't hard to see.

WASHINGTON—In a testy Oval Office meeting on Monday, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy rejected Donald J. Trump’s desperate pleas for military aid.

Referring to Iran’s ability to shut down the Strait of Hormuz, Zelenskyy said, “Iran has cards. You don’t have any cards.”

“You’re gambling with World War III,” he added.

Turning to Vice President JD Vance, Zelenskyy scolded, “Ukraine has kept Russia from attacking NATO for four years, and you haven’t said ‘thank you’ once.”

Andy Borowitz

Markwayne Mullins while testifying before congress today said that anyone claiming he has anger issues will be kicked directly in the face.

He then took issue with Sen Rand Paul’s characterization of him as someone who advocates political violence, stating, “Say that again, Four Eyes, and I’ll step on your stupid wire-rimmed goggles and make you eat the glass.”

Andy Borowitz

I've gotten a few of the strangest robocalls this week. It sounds like some unhinged lunatic asking me if I have any naval vessels I'm willing to contribute to help open the Strait of Hormuz.

Anyone else been getting these kind of calls?

News from the future!

Immediately after being elected as president in 2028 Gavin Newsom officially changed the name of the Trump National Doral Miami to the Golf of Mexico.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/msnbcnewsjunkies/posts/3374520519376468/

Many a true word spoken in jest....

Trump made it official today. "I am removing secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy and appointing Tiger Woods to take his place. With all of Tiger's experience in the field of vehicle crashes it make him more qualified to hold the position than Sean Duffy could ever possibly be. Thank you for your attention to this matter."

Iran Agrees to End War Only if There is Regime Change in U.S.

"Such a madman must not be allowed to possess nuclear weapons," the Ayatollah said. Iran’s ultimatum gained the support of Greenland, Canada, and the rest of NATO.

Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON—In what experts are calling one of the most remarkable comebacks for a convicted sex offender in recent memory, on Thursday Donald J. Trump announced that he was replacing Attorney General Pam Bondi with Ghislaine Maxwell.

Explaining his decision, Trump said, "Pam said there’s a client list, and Ghislaine said there isn't. So I have decided Ghislaine would be better at this job than Pam."

In another stunning reversal of fortune, Trump announced that Bondi would be taking Maxwell’s place in prison, adding, “I wish her well.”

He said he was confident that Maxwell would receive speedy confirmation by Senate Republicans, noting, “If they confirmed Hegseth they’ll confirm anyone.”

Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON—Furious about the Supreme Court’s refusal to approve a number of his executive orders, Donald J. Trump complained on Thursday that he has been treated “very unfairly” by the people who wrote the United States Constitution.

“If the Constitution prevented me from doing one or two things, I’d chalk that up to bad luck,” he said. “But when literally everything I want to do is magically a violation of the Constitution, that’s very unfair and bad treatment.”

Lashing out at the document’s authors, Trump said that “America is a great country, but we have maybe the worst constitution writers in the world.”

“Russia has much better constitution writers than we do,” he said. “I talked to Putin, and he said their constitution never gives him problems.”

In an ominous warning, Trump said that he was putting the writers of the U.S. Constitution “on notice” and would have the DOJ investigate them for mortgage fraud.

Andy Borowitz

Adm. Arun Prakash on X: "Irony. US Army chief, Gen George, rose from Private to distinguished 4-star rank, via West Point, only to be fired by a former National Guard Major who rose to cabinet rank via Fox News & Trump’s patronage.

https://t.co/gYDcV3AKdN" / X https://share.google/AnyAIH67Wgx3FIJG8

Karoline Leavitt announced yesterday at the regularly scheduled White House press conference that the Fake news media was at it again! That they had falsely misspelled and misquoted the name of trump's newly formed 'Board of Peace' which changed the context of its entire intent. She said had they have spelled and stated the name correctly its intention would have been clear from the start.

"The media spelled it and claimed the name is 'The Board of Peace' when actually it's 'I'm Bored With Peace'." So far trump has requested 200 billion dollars to fund it.

Zeldin stars at climate denial conference - POLITICO https://share.google/HsOwzabSuQFgLOZoX

The EPA administrator became the first agency chief to speak at the Heartland Institute's annual gathering of people who say climate change benefits humanity.

Wow. The funniest thing is that this isn't a joke.

Trump was sitting at the poker table with Iran. Trump looked down at his cards and saw he had two pairs. Thinking he had the hand to beat he looked up from his hand and told Iran, "You are holding no cards." Little did he seem to know that Ian was holding s strait.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day. Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in Hell, while Clinton spent the night in Heaven. The next day the paperwork got worked out. On his way up to Heaven, the Pope ran into Clinton. Clinton asked the Pope, "How was your night in Hell?" "Very educational," responded the Pope. "I've learned a lot from the experience, but now I'm glad I'm going to Heaven. I've been waiting all my life to meet the Virgin Mary." "Ooh, sorry," said Clinton, "you should have been there yesterday."

I laughed. Thanks

The Clinton joke was hilarious!

The Pope?

trump attacks the Pope?

Said he is "not a fan and that the Pope is weak on crime? " Would not have got elected if not for him.

The stable genius insults the Pope. Like he is in a political campaign against him.

Unbelievable. Truly unbelievable.

PS: the AI picture of trump as Jesus says it all.

thank you for saving the world donny.