WASHINGTON—In what is being hailed as a landmark deal, on Saturday the Islamic Republic of Iran agreed to cease all hostilities with the US in exchange for never having to talk to Vice President JD Vance again.
Under terms of the agreement, Vance must remain out of the Iranians’ earshot for a minimum of 30 years, with his exact location subject to periodic inspections.
“All the bombs we dropped on those crazy bastards couldn’t do what the sound of JD’s voice did,” Donald J. Trump said. “I’m thinking of sending him to Cuba next.”
The agreement drew strong praise from a range of Washington insiders, including Second Lady Usha Vance, who asked, “How do I get that deal?”
Andy Borowitz
