DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Palus Politicus Poltical Jokes Part 5

WASHINGTON—In what is being hailed as a landmark deal, on Saturday the Islamic Republic of Iran agreed to cease all hostilities with the US in exchange for never having to talk to Vice President JD Vance again.

Under terms of the agreement, Vance must remain out of the Iranians’ earshot for a minimum of 30 years, with his exact location subject to periodic inspections.

“All the bombs we dropped on those crazy bastards couldn’t do what the sound of JD’s voice did,” Donald J. Trump said. “I’m thinking of sending him to Cuba next.”

The agreement drew strong praise from a range of Washington insiders, including Second Lady Usha Vance, who asked, “How do I get that deal?”

Andy Borowitz

After reading the Trump administration's memorandum of understanding with Iran today Greenland called asking if Trump would attack them so they could get a similar deal.

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It is always inconvenient to recognize that Al Gore was correct... That move has been fairly accurate.

Right about what?

Dude spewed more nonsense and rhetoric about systemic climate collapse than a sci-writer could even conceive. And every one of his "apocalypse deadlines" have come and gone without him even being close to accurate.

Here, you want a joke-

https://www.the-independent.com/new...pool-paint-algae-vandalism-b2999618.html

Trump now blaming ‘vandalism’ for the problems at the Reflecting Pool and says police are investigating
‘They've also done everything possible to hurt the inside surface that was just installed,’ Trump said

Brendan Rascius in New York
Saturday 20 June 2026 10:10 EDT




Paint is peeling from Reflecting Pool days after Trump's $14m 'renovation'
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The Reflecting Pool has had a rough week. Just after a $14 million refurbishment, the water turned green from algae, and chunks of blue material were seen peeling off the bottom.

Now, President Donald Trump is chalking up the problems to “vandalism.”

“We’ve cleaned, renovated, and beautified over 45 Monuments and Memorials, 28 Statues, and 22 Fountains in Washington, D.C.,” the president wrote on Truth Social Friday evening. “However, we’ve had some real problems with Vandalism at the beautiful Reflecting Pool.”

He claimed that unnamed individuals have “done everything possible to hurt the inside surface that was just installed” in an attempt to “destroy and demean our beautiful work.”


The 80-year-old Republican then singled out Jonathan Karl, an ABC News reporter, who he said “was seen sticking his hand into the Pool, and trying to rip the rubber off of the surface.” In a broadcast segment on Friday, Karl reached into the shallow pool and grabbed a chunk of floating material.


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President Donald Trump blamed ‘vandalism’ for recent problems at the Reflecting Pool. His team has spent $14 million to refurbish the pool - but it hasn’t gone to plan
open image in gallery
President Donald Trump blamed ‘vandalism’ for recent problems at the Reflecting Pool. His team has spent $14 million to refurbish the pool - but it hasn’t gone to plan (Reuters)
Trump said that law enforcement is “actively investigating.” He added: “It’s a shame that the Radical Left Lunatics, most likely Dumocats, who have spent their lives trying to ruin our Country, are free to do so.”

Still, the president said the algae is mostly gone and that the damaged surface will be fixed in the coming days.

The pool, located in front of the Lincoln Memorial, recently underwent a weekslong renovation after Trump derided it as "filthy" and in desperate need of repair. Last month, workers drained the 2,000-foot-long basin and resurfaced it with "American flag blue" paint.

Trump said it would cost about $2 million, but federal records indicate the actual price tag was over $14 million.




The pool has had more algae in it than at any recorded point in the month of June for at least five years, according to an analysis from The Washington Post.

The pool has had more algae in it than at any recorded point in the month of June for at least five years, according to a recent analysis
open image in gallery
The pool has had more algae in it than at any recorded point in the month of June for at least five years, according to a recent analysis (Getty)
Sections of blue sealant have been seen peeling off the bottom and floating up to the surface
open image in gallery
Sections of blue sealant have been seen peeling off the bottom and floating up to the surface (Reuters)
In response, workers clad in neon vests were seen wading into the pool this week to gather algae, while others dumped hydrogen peroxide into the water to kill it. A spokesperson for the Interior Department previously told The Independent that the chemical was a “milder treatment than chlorine,” which has “no harmful side effects to marine life or to the environment.”

They added that the department is also deploying nanobubble ozone technology to blitz the algae.

“This technology is actively killing algae, pathogens (e.g., E. coli), and contaminants that have long plagued the Reflecting Pool since 1922, most infamously, the Obama pool reopening that resulted in massive algae clumps taking over the pool’s surface following years of construction that cost,” the spokesperson said.

On Friday, The New York Times reported that the administration had awarded a $1.7 million no-bid contract to an Ohio company to install a water purification system at the pool. The firm, which had only ever received one other federal contract, is owned by a longtime Trump donor, who owns property next to the president’s Mar-a-Lago estate.

In addition to the algae, which turned the once-crystal-clear water into a swampy green, parts of the pool's new surface coating have also begun to peel off.

The hydrogen peroxide used to pulverize algae may be the culprit, according to CNN. The outlet, which used a swimming pool store to test the water, reported that the bleach raised phosphate levels in the pool “far higher than what is recommended to keep algae at bay.”

The administration has labeled cleaning up the pool a "regional and national priority" ahead of July 4, the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.

Being wrong about the timeline doesn't mean he was wrong about everything else.

https://www.politico.com/news/2026/06/24/trump-justice-department-gas-prices-investigation-00973453

Trump orders Justice Department to investigate oil companies over high gas prices.

Democrats? No way. Not anymore. Commies.

The joke is actual Dems are too blind to see.

Did you type that as you were yelling at the neighbor kids to get off your lawn?

Obviously voting democrat is something you wold never consider or you wouldn't have helped elect a man convicted on 34 felony counts, who a jury determined committed sexual assault, who paid of a porn star, who cheated on all three of his wives, who made fun of John McCain's service to his country, who mocked a disabled reporter and the list goes on.

Then turn around and claim you stand for American values.

Not sure I agree with the President on this. Gas station owners charge based on what it cost them to put the gas into their storage tanks. At least to me, in theory the price at the pump is always going to lag behind the wholesale price, no matter if it goes up or down.


I know it isn't as seamless as that as other factors are involved. Things like supply and demand can impact the price. Another is when is the cost of goods established? Is it when the crude is pumped on to the tankers or when it is offloaded at the various refineries? With all that has happened there is a very good chance the cost when pumped at origin was different than at destination. A lot of crude was bottled up on tankers in the Gulf.

Ehhh, it's just a warning shot. And the president's right (as they all have been when they've fired similar warning shots). Prices never seem to lag on the way up. Do they? They go higher and higher, in real time, on every bit of news.

The industry, however, will finish stacking record profits through the holiday. Then prices will drop more precipitously. They'll just throw a bone or two (a nickel or a dime, here and there, for the next ten days).

I see that as more a function of the individual retailors selling the gas at the pump. Just because you see an Exxon sign on the road doesn't mean that location is owned by Exxon. It's also a function of having to get it on the way up because they will lose on the way down. If an owner has 10,000 gallons in the ground at an average cost of $2.00 per gallon and the price drops to $1.00 a gallon, they can't just drop the price to reflect overnight without taking a substantial loss. They have to slow step it down as new shipments beging to bring the average cost in the ground down.

Oil is based on commodity pricing. The oil companies sell based on a fixed gross profit percentage. Net profits are going to be higher but as a percentage the gross profit pretty much stays the same. It just that more money gets passed through the controllable part of the P&L to the net profit line.

If Charlie Kirk sees black angels in heaven will he claim they are DEI angels?

Trump advisors warned him he is losing the war against algae. Immediately after being told this he requested 300 billion dollars from congress to fight the war in Algaeria.

The U.S. can still win the World Cup. They just need to find 11,780 more goals. Trump just needs to make a few phone calls.

TEHRAN—In a major setback for Donald J. Trump, on Wednesday Iran announced that the Strait of Hormuz will be closed the next two years for renovations.

The Strait of Hormuz board, packed with cronies of Iran’s Supreme Leader, Mojtaba Khamenei, also approved a plan to put Khamenei’s name on the renovated waterway.

“The Khamenei Strait of Hormuz will be the biggest and most beautiful trade chokepoint EVER!” the ayatollah announced in a social media post.

In the same post, he indicated that the renovated strait would have a “world-class toll booth” fitted with marble armrests “unlike anything ever done or seen before!”

Andy Borowitz

🤣 X 2

I hereby officially nominate Donald J. Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize.

No man in history has ever won the same war 38 times. This is a historical landmark! And it's not the end yet. It's hard to tell how many more times he will win this war before it is over.

Hegseth Says His Naturally High Testosterone Has Helped Him Apply Makeup

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth on Wednesday credited his “super-high testosterone level” with his ability to apply “military-grade makeup.”

“In order to be Secretary of War, I have to be Secretary of Warpaint,” he told reporters. “And my warpaint is by Estée Lauder.”

“Being blessed with off-the-charts testosterone has enabled me to perform with extreme lethality,” he said. “Make no mistake: I am lethal with an eyebrow pencil.”

In perhaps his boldest claim, Hegseth said that his makeup technique proved that he had the highest level of testosterone in the Trump administration, with the possible exception of Jeanine Pirro.