The last political joke thread is well into page 13 so it's soon to be locked. I certainly didn't want this little gem to get buried......
WASHINGTON—Donald J. Trump warned Iran on Monday that any members of its Revolutionary Guard who use violence against protesters will immediately be recruited by ICE.
“If Iran thinks they can get away with cracking down on protesters without us recruiting the people doing the cracking down, they’re kidding themselves,” Trump warned.
Trump said that he had dispatched Kristi Noem to Tehran, adding, “If Kristi sees anyone murdering protesters, she will immediately swoop in and tell them about ICE’s benefit package.”
Responding to Trump’s threat, Iran’s Supreme Leader said he was raising the Revolutionary Guard signing bonus to $55,000.
Andy Borowitz
Intoducing for The Cleveland Browns, Quarterback Deshawn "The Predator" Watson. He will also be the one to choose your next head coach.
WASHINGTON—In a daring daytime mission on Monday, aircraft from the European members of NATO flew over the White House and sprayed its airspace with antipsychotic medication.
All NATO leaders signed off on the plan with the exception of the UK’s Keir Starmer, who proposed inviting Donald Trump to yet another state dinner.
Explaining the rationale behind the mission, Norwegian Prime Minister Jonas Gahr Stoere said, “We saw his letter to me as a cry for help.”
On the decision to deploy antipsychotic meds, Stoere added, “We were uniquely qualified to do this because our drug prices are far lower than in the U.S.”
Stressing that the NATO members did not take their decision lightly, the Norwegian PM said, “We had been hoping that Congress would intervene, but we were left with no other choice.”
Andy Borowitz
Intoducing for The Cleveland Browns, Quarterback Deshawn "The Predator" Watson. He will also be the one to choose your next head coach.
I found this somewhat amusing but not as much of a joke as I thought after thinking it over................
The story below explains everything:
Two economists are walking in the countryside when they come across a pile of horse manure. One economist says to the other: “If you eat that pile of manure, I’ll pay you $10,000.” The second economist thinks for a bit — it’s disgusting, but $10,000 is a lot — so he eats it. The first economist pays up. They continue walking. After a while, they come across another pile of manure. The second economist says: “Now it’s your turn. If you eat that one, I’ll give you $10,000.” The first economist, not wanting to lose out, eats it. The second pays him $10,000. They walk on in silence for a bit. Then one says: “Wait a second. We both ate poop… and we both ended up with the same amount of money as before. What was the point?” The other replies: “Well, we increased GDP by $20,000.”
Intoducing for The Cleveland Browns, Quarterback Deshawn "The Predator" Watson. He will also be the one to choose your next head coach.
Once again you obviously haven't been paying attention. I'm pretty sure Newsom knows the difference between Greenland and Iceland. Or try these..............
Intoducing for The Cleveland Browns, Quarterback Deshawn "The Predator" Watson. He will also be the one to choose your next head coach.
You didn't find that video of trump funny? I thought it was hilarious! You can now rent or lease a sense of humor at your nearest Home Depot or Sunbelt Rental location.
Intoducing for The Cleveland Browns, Quarterback Deshawn "The Predator" Watson. He will also be the one to choose your next head coach.
Some comedy is just veiled hate used by the extremely small minded. They giggle when others suffer even when that suffering serves ZERO real world interest for the victims or the fascist committing these insane acts of violence. Deport MAGA!
Viewer comments reviewing the Melania Trump movie have been coming in from ticket purchasers...........
"It was the Cybertruck of Movies!"
One man said he noticed that "Texas Gov. Abbott got up and walked out in the middle and Dan Crenshaw moved his eye patch over to his good eye."
"Even Abe Lincoln said his last theater experience was better."
After seeing the movie one woman said the theater was almost empty and claimed,"If the title had been more accurate I think the ticket sales would have been better. Maybe 'Me Love You Long time For Green Card' or 'From Hooker to First Lady'".
One man said "It would have been better as murder mystery where a women kills her husband."
The Hollywood Reporter said in its review, "It's destined to be a cult classic."
"Being played as an on flight movie it had people running for the exits. The pilot had to turn the plane around."
Donald Trump has already made the claim that the Oscars will be rigged.
Intoducing for The Cleveland Browns, Quarterback Deshawn "The Predator" Watson. He will also be the one to choose your next head coach.
Turning Point U.S.A.'s Alternative Half Time Show!
Sponsored by Sister Wife brand Bathtub Meth...............
"You think your brother in law is crazy but he's just methed up!"
Headlined by Kid Rock who will be bringing his automatic rifle and a case of Bud Light for the grand finale'!
The National Anthem will be performed by Rosanne Barr!
Featuring the kissing cousin cam!
There will be a catalytic converter collection competition held in the parking lot during the event run by George Santos. All catalytic converters will be donated to trump's secret rare earth mineral stash if Santos can manage to deliver them without stealing them first!
Kanye was scheduled to perform but claims he can't make it because by some miracle he found his sanity.
Intoducing for The Cleveland Browns, Quarterback Deshawn "The Predator" Watson. He will also be the one to choose your next head coach.
Turning Point U.S.A. officially announced today that next years alternative halftime show will be titled "The Whites Only DEI Halftime Show".
Where only white artists with a fraction of the sales of the real halftime show will be allowed to perform. Because we all know only the best, most qualified people should be performing. No, wait....
Intoducing for The Cleveland Browns, Quarterback Deshawn "The Predator" Watson. He will also be the one to choose your next head coach.
Mark Kelly Records Video Telling Bartenders They Are Allowed to Refuse Hegseth's Orders
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senator Mark Kelly released a new online video on Thursday reminding the nation’s bartenders that they are allowed to refuse Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s orders.
Staring stonily into the camera, the former astronaut warned that, if Hegseth appears to be above the legal blood-alcohol limit, any additional drink request would constitute an illegal order.
“Our laws are clear: you can refuse illegal orders,” he told the bartenders. “You must refuse illegal orders.”
Kelly concluded the video with one final urgent plea to the mixologists: "If Hegseth’s behavior is belligerent, his words are slurred, and his makeup is smeared, you must refuse his orders."
Trump Explodes With Rage After Bad Bunny Wins Nobel Peace Prize
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a series of furious Truth Social posts late Wednesday night, Donald J. Trump blasted the Norwegian Nobel Committee for awarding its Peace Prize to the Puerto Rican rapper Bad Bunny.
Trump claimed that he had been “treated very unfairly” by being passed over for the award despite having ended “between forty and fifty wars.”
“Bad Bunny could Never end even One War because he speaks a Language no one Understands!” Trump thundered.
In another setback for Trump, Bad Bunny’s birthday will be honored each year with a new national holiday in Greenland.
Barron Trump Bursts Into Tears After Podiatrist Finds No Sign of Bone Spurs
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Barron Trump burst into tears on Monday after an examination by a prominent Washington, DC podiatrist found no evidence of bone spurs.
“I’m totally screwed!” the young Trump reportedly shrieked, hurling himself to the floor of the doctor’s office in anguish.
At the White House, Donald J. Trump said that the podiatrist’s x-ray equipment had treated his son “very unfairly,” adding, “This should never be allowed to happen in this country.”
"This is what happens when you trust a real doctor," he said. "I should have just sent the kid to my new Surgeon General."
Intoducing for The Cleveland Browns, Quarterback Deshawn "The Predator" Watson. He will also be the one to choose your next head coach.
Trump talks about drapes, future ballroom construction at Medal of Honor ceremony..... Very important. More important than talking about the loser and sucker veterans.
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
I heard someone play Trump's radio call in to a radio show on 9/11 after the world trade center came down.... bragging about how his building was now the tallest building in NYC (which of course was a lie in and of itself).
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